s/o Do you have a relationship with your parents?

[bliss]

In the last 4-6 months the relationship I've had with my parents has really struggled. To point where we no longer talk.

Does anyone else have a toxic or non-existent relationship with their parents? One or both?

[Susie]

I have a good relationship with my parents, although it wasn't always easy and has taken some work along the way.

[countthestars]

I have a great relationship with my parents and H with his mom, but his dad is estranged. He hasn't seen him/had any contact for about 12 years. He accepts the non-relationship they have and is willing to keep an open mind going forward.

Sorry Bliss.

[Deleted]

I've always had a fairly superficial relationship with my Dad. My Mom & I are close but she's hurt my feelings pretty badly in the past few years & it's not the same as it once was. She is not the grandmother I thought she'd be at all--she isn't really interested in them, is critical of me & plays favorites big time with them. I feel her priorities & values are completely different from how I was taught/how she used to be & it's not a change for the better IMO. We live in different states & don't see each other that much which probably helps not hurts. She clearly is still over the moon in love with my golden boy brother who treats her pretty crappily & the rest of us (4 of us) all sort have accepted it & moved on. But I am a pretty empathetic & forgiving person so I try to be supportive & loving to her.

[Deleted]

I have a great relationship with my mom and adoptive dad. My biological father, I hope to never see him again.

DH doesn't really have a relationship with his parents. I don't think they've talked since June. His parents are rather toxic. His dad was abusive and his mom was an enabler, I think he's finally broke free of them.

[chessie]

I have a decent relationship, but there are some aspects that are very superficial at this point to keep the peace. I only see them every few months as well, so that is probably why I can keep a relationship with them.

[Awkward]

I have pretty good relationships with my parents. I kind of have to since we live together. My mother can get defensive if I say anything not 100% sweet and nice, but I roll my eyes and get over it. I've also learned they're a lot easier to get along with after they've had a beer or two.

[lanyac]

Neither DH nor I talk to our fathers. Our moms are awesome, though!

[lindyanne]

My mom - no not really. I talk to her but there's never any substance to our conversations. I'm in good standing with my dad but there's always been a wierdness to it. He left my mom when I was 5 and he was still around and tried to do what he could to spend time with me and such. However I found out when I was 12 that he'd had an affair (I was too young at that point to put everything together) and I had a 1.5 year old brother. So now I have a half brother who is 20 or so and they've also adopted two other kids so he has another family. He also lives four hours away. His kids are also special needs - their son is autistic and has sudden frequent and loud outbursts so they don't go out to eat with him really and what they can do while pushing him around in his stroller is limited. I have organized a few family gatherings to go to amusement parks and things like that the past two years to try to get us all together (I have two other sisters) so hopefully we can keep that going a little more in the future.

[lurkergirl123]

I do, now. We had a few years of struggles.

[kangaroo11]

I'm very close to my mom and only a little less-close with my dad.

[Deleted]

I am super close with both of my parents.

My mom and I had it VERY rough from when I was 16 to about 26, but then I went on medication, realized SHE needed to be on the same medication, and I learned how to deal with her. Since then we've been very close. When she is crazy, I ignore and don't push buttons- and things blow over.

[starlily]

My dad passed away last year, but we always had a good relationship.

My mom was pretty tough on me as a kid/teen (think Tiger Mom except I didn't accomplish as much as she hoped), but she mellowed out when I was in my 20s and we had a pretty decent relationship until she developed dementia over the past year. Now it's really hard to talk to her because she can't really follow a conversation; her short term memory is basically nonexistent. She also says some very hurtful things, which I know are based on delusions, but aren't any less easier to hear.

[winnied]

Aug 27, 2012 13:22:51 GMT -5 chessie said:

I have a decent relationship, but there are some aspects that are very superficial at this point to keep the peace. I only see them every few months as well, so that is probably why I can keep a relationship with them.

Pretty similar to this. It was awful with my mom for a few years (not teen years) and we've been back on track for about a year now. I love them, I know they love me, I just don't know if I'll ever be able to trust them fully again. It sucks, because I'd really like to, but they've done some awful things.

H's mother passed away several years ago. His relationship with his dad is fine. It's not great, I suppose you could call it superficial as well. Again, I know he loves us and we love him.

[milkrations]

I have a great relationship with my dad. My mom, not so much. I find it really hard to talk to her. I don't think either of us ever figured out how to have the parent - adult child relationship with each other. It used to bother me, but never enough to do anything about it. I have only talked with her a handful of times on the phone over the past 5 years, and have only seen her 3 times. Now we seem to only talk to each other when there is bad news to share - like when my grandma died.

[mrssavy42112]

Fortunately, I do. I see them once a week or every other. I talk to them every other day. Always supported me, encouraged me to do whatever I wanted, enrolled me in all the dance/sports I wanted. Funded me through college. Always there to give good advice, but weren’t overbearing & let me learn from mistakes. My parents are pretty awesome.

DH’s parents are nice and he does have a good relationship with them, but it’s not the same. His parents, particularly his father, never encouraged them in any way & often put them down. It was a very different upbringing.

[mbcdefg]

My family is very close, and I'm glad that we did so many nice things together before my dad died. If anything, these last few awful weeks have pulled the remaining four of us even closer together.

I'm also very grateful that MH gets along with everyone so well and that they consider him a true family member.

We're not feuding with any of our extended family members, but there are definitely people we like/associate with more than others.

[rex]

My parents are all shitty people (one abandoned me, 2 are abusive).

That being said, I keep a cordial relationship with them. I don't go out of my way to talk to them or see them, and don't really have great conversations with them. However, if they reach out to me or ask to see me, I don't say no.

I'd rather keep the peace so if they are happy it's enough for me.

This obviously isn't a real relationship, but it's peaceful.

[kadams767]

Not really, unless you cound the fact that I am currently financially supporting my mother and she is eternally ungrateful and in denial of that fact.

I have never had a super close relationship with my parents, due to several abusive situations, though I thought things would get better once I was out of the house. But not really. My dad passed away a few years ago and my mom and I are just very, very different people. It is difficult to have more than a superficial conversation with her.

[SJ]

I am very close to both of my parents.

[blackkitty]

I'm close with my mom, see her every week at least once usually.
I haven't seen my dad in over 3 years, he has never met my son (that is 7) and I think I have only seen him 2 times in the last 10 years.

[aerowife2010]

My mom and I are extremely close and my dad and I are close but his drinking has taken its toll on me (when he doesn't drink, we're close like my mom and I are). It wasn't until I went off to college that I became close with them.

[Deleted]

I've always had a rocky relationship with my mother. I moved out at 16 because of it. I didn't speak to her for three years following my wedding after she didn't attend. Things are okay now, probably the best they've ever been. We live 12 hours apart and talk once a month or so, we see each other about once a year.

I was super, super close with my Dad and considered my stepmother one of my closest friends. I haven't seen either one of them since New Years Eve 2011 and haven't talked to either one since January. My heart is broken and it's been an extremely difficult year. My Dad used to call me every morning, we would talk for no more than a minute or two, but it was always nice to hear his voice and say hi - all through college and law school, every morning I'd get a call from him. He stopped when I graduated and got married shortly after - after my wedding he became more and more distant. I would call and he would snap and be nasty on the phone. We would invite him and my step mom over for dinner and they would refuse. So we stopped. At the beginning of the year, they stopped answering the phone and stopped returning phone calls - we weren't able to join them for his 60th b-day plans b/c MH had just started a new job and I had an all day CLE - we offered alternatives and called several times the weekend of his birthday to arrange for a time to visit (mind you we live a mile from them) and never got a response. Finally, I gave up calling - I'm not going to have a relationship with an answering machine. I didn't get an "Love, Dad" in my birthday card, but MH did in his - I'm hurt and don't know how to fix it - but won't continue the relationship the way it had been - always on their terms. I've gotten better about it, but it still really hurts sometimes.

[rosiedozie]

I have a good relationship with both of my parents and my H has a good relationship with his parents. They all respect our boundaries/decisions we make as adults but would be there for us if we ever needed it. I know we're really lucky.

[Deleted]

I have a really good relationship with my parents. H has a good one with his mom, basically hates his stepdad and is lukewarm towards his father - do basically he makes an effort to see his mom and bc of that he sees his stepdad and his mom reaches out to his dad so H sees him that way (family dinners, etc).

[coleyv]

I have an amazing relationship with my mom - we talk almost every day. We've always been close, it was always just the two of us since my parents got divorced when I was a baby. My dad, however, is a different story. My brother and I both have a very strained relationship with him; he wasnt around much when I was growing up and now we talk only a few times a year.

It's pretty rough when you want to be close to a parent and they can't or won't give you what you need from them. I'm still struggling with this issue thirty years later. You are definately not alone.

[thelongroad]

We had a horribly toxic relationship with MIL therefore we no longer speak. We do well with FIL, but I think the fact that he lives 4 hours away and we are constantly in one anothers business makes that relationship work well. My parents are both local and we are fine, although my mother and I struggle and I have resigned myself to the fact that we always will.