I don't understand it. This is a board dedicated to becoming financially stable. Why do people decide to post stuff under a fake name? They do it with cheating husbands, too.
Post by mollybrown on Aug 27, 2012 16:29:35 GMT -5
I understand if the poster goes to GTGs or knows other posters in real life. I can't imagine that most people here fall in that boat though.
I never understand why people have to start out confirming that they're a regular, or even posting that it's an AE. Just post it under another name and be done. I think people usually are looking for extra attention when they note that they are a regular and they are posting under an AE.
Post by GailGoldie on Aug 27, 2012 16:30:21 GMT -5
this board isn't private... so i can understand an AE when you are worried about the info getting to people you know IRL, or someone might be ashamed and don't want people to think differently of them if they are regulars, ec. who knows - doesnt' matter- people do it.
Post by fuddyduddy on Aug 27, 2012 16:31:44 GMT -5
I recently used an AE. I was the one who posted under the name "shocked" when I found out my husband cheated. I don't mind if people know now, but I felt better about being anonymous when my emotions were still so raw.
I think people use AEs for various reasons. I imagine the primary reason is that they worry that people may form a bias against them.
I recently used an AE. I was the one who posted under the name "shocked" when I found out my husband cheated. I don't mind if people know now, but I felt better about being anonymous when my emotions were still so raw.
I think people use AEs for various reasons. I imagine the primary reason is that they worry that people may form a bias against them.
This is what I don't understand. Why would we be biased against you? Your husband did a horrible thing. I don't think any differently about YOU, just him. I am also not judging someone who is on a board called "Money matters" about coming here for help on their spending/debt problem. What assholes judge people for coming for help?
You must not have been here for my "ask me anything" post. Lol.
Pretty sure I was.
That still doesn't change the fact that you are a newbie. Nothing wrong with it, but yeah, asking a question about why people use AEs just proves that you are new - because anyone that stays around here long enough knows that stuff from the past gets thrown in posters faces.
Because I am intensly private person, and really don't care to have the people that I have been internet friends with for many years (and the few that I have met and know IRL) know about the personal financial details of my life. Hell, I have a hard time telling my therapist personal stuff, so even posting under an AE is so far out of my comfort zone it is not even funny.
If you feel comfy posting stuff under your regular name, good for you. Everyone has a different comfort level.
I think even the most private frequent poster will let enough things out over time that they may be afraid someone knows them. If I had some really dirty laundry that I needed to air out, I'd totally post under an AE. Between Twitter, Facebook, being a somewhat regular poster, etc., I'd worry that someone would throw it back in my face or that it would somehow come back to haunt me in real life. That said, I'm pretty boring, so I don't know that I'd ever have something juicy enough for an AE.
Lanyac, you posted a few weeks (?) ago about problems with your H, and then last week you posted about going on vacation to Europe, and several people asked why you would plan a vacation if you were going to leave your marriage, right?
That's why.
I don't understand. Are you saying you formed a bias against me because of what I'm posting?
What if I told you going to europe is a goal of ours that is making us talk more about our finances and our relationship?
What if I told you that DH and I barely had a honeymoon, and for our anniversary, we'd finally like some time to ourselves?
Also, some people have IRL people that they think might occasionally lurk, so surely you can understand why they wouldn't want personal stuff to get out like that, yes?
I think people say they're a reg to try and get more caring answers. It ends up going either way, though, because often times people can tell they're really just a lurker than nobody knew in the first place.
Because I am intensly private person, and really don't care to have the people that I have been internet friends with for many years (and the few that I have met and know IRL) know about the personal financial details of my life. Hell, I have a hard time telling my therapist personal stuff, so even posting under an AE is so far out of my comfort zone it is not even funny.
If you feel comfy posting stuff under your regular name, good for you. Everyone has a different comfort level.
I didn't mean to accuse you of anything, I was just curious.
I know some of you more than I know some of my best friends and vice versa I'm sure. This is a great place to share but it can also bite you in the ass sometimes. It's hard to see someone post about going on vacation and not think about how last month they were complaining about debt, etc. I couldn't pull off an AE but I can see why people use them.
This is what I don't understand. Why would we be biased against you? Your husband did a horrible thing. I don't think any differently about YOU, just him. I am also not judging someone who is on a board called "Money matters" about coming here for help on their spending/debt problem. What assholes judge people for coming for help?
What if she had stayed with her husband?
She could have been opened up to completely unrelated zingers anytime she mentioned him.
And if you don't think this happens, you have not been here long enough.
And if you don't personally care if this happens to you, great. Some people are more sensitive.
Exactly. I knew people would always remember what he did and any future posts about my marriage would be clouded with that.
Since I decided to leave, I am not really worried about it, but I was still not 100% sure of my decision when I posted under the AE.
Not everybody likes that level of openness on here. Many of us know each other IRL, and have talked for years. I don't see why this is hard to understand.
There have been many posters over time whose husbands have cheated, and they reconciled. People from other boards (and here) still come & bash the OP at every opportunity for taking back their husbands. They can never post something marriage-related without it being viewed through that filter. It's human nature. Our posts do not exist in a bubble.
Post by fuddyduddy on Aug 27, 2012 16:44:33 GMT -5
I also want to point out that some people don't even want positive things out in the open. There was a period of time when people were discussing "big dogs" on a regular basis and were curious about their earnings, assets, debts, and general lifestyles. Some of those individuals chose to share that anonymously because they didn't want people (some of them real-life friends) to know that information about them.
I have all the books I could need, and what more could I need than books? I shall only engage in commerce if books are the coin. -- Catherynne M. Valente