There is a reason that many people do not talk about finances and sex with friends. It can be awkward and create underlying tension. People also like to portray a positive image of their lives, even if all is not as perfect as they portray.
This is not just a collection of strangers on an anonymous board. Many IRL friendships have been formed here and I know several posters who met their best friends here. Conversations and relationships continue off the board in every conceivable way. Some people have been part of this community for almost 10 years.
I completely understand why people choose to use AE's for certain topics and it doesn't bother me at all.
Maybe since I don't know anyone here, its like having an AE all the time, lol.
Aren't you the one with the lazy husband that refuses to get a job? Because that was my first thought when you posted about going to Europe. Maybe I've got the wrong poster (I do not have a Kore-like mind), and I didn't make any snide comments, or any comments at all, but I can't stop my mind from making those links. If you wanted feedback from people without it being based on prior information you've revealed, an AE would be the only way you could do it.
You must not have been here for my "ask me anything" post. Lol.
Pretty sure I was.
That still doesn't change the fact that you are a newbie. Nothing wrong with it, but yeah, asking a question about why people use AEs just proves that you are new - because anyone that stays around here long enough knows that stuff from the past gets thrown in posters faces.
I'm one of the people that came out of hiding with the change over here. I'm definitely new compared to the regulars on here.
Maybe since I don't know anyone here, its like having an AE all the time, lol.
Aren't you the one with the lazy husband that refuses to get a job? Because that was my first thought when you posted about going to Europe. Maybe I've got the wrong poster (I do not have a Kore-like mind), and I didn't make any snide comments, or any comments at all, but I can't stop my mind from making those links. If you wanted feedback from people without it being based on prior information you've revealed, an AE would be the only way you could do it.
No, that was me. But like I said before, having a long term goal is helping us talk about our relationship and finances.
No, that was me. But like I said before, having a long term goal is helping us talk about our relationship and finances.
Is he the one with the OCD stuff too?
Because I just think he sounds like a douchebag basically.
Lol, yes. He's been great with that recently. He feeds the dogs without me asking, and he threw away the container of hand sanitizer in my car. We ran out of baby wipes, and he hasn't asked me to put any more in there. I think he's just internalized it more, which bothers me. I would love for him to talk to someone about it. He called about therapy for us, and we're making plans to do that.
No, that was me. But like I said before, having a long term goal is helping us talk about our relationship and finances.
I hope you don't have to travel to Europe everytime y'all need help talking about your relationship and finances. That shit would get expensive.
Lol. No, but having a goal is great. I asked him about what goals he had, and we both realized we don't have any goals beyond "save money, eventually have kid(s), retire"
oh.my.god. yes. We had a gas leak, and so we didn't have warm water for a few days while we were getting a guy out to fix it. He somehow magically stopped his GI tract from working for like 2 1/2 days because he didn't want to shower with cold water.
Ok, here's a reason: I posted about some marital problems 2 years ago. Then I responded to a post about relationship issues - on another board - and I was told my advice was shit because why on earth would anyone listen to ME, of all people, the one who stayed in a marriage after a big marital issue? It was really embarassing and frankly pissed me off, and I have not posted on that board since (and I had never posted about my own issue on that board anyway, I posted on MM but people from other boards read our posts too).
Now I have not used an AE but I've definitely questioned my choice to post such private information out there and then continue to engage in this community with the people who know my private business and will look at my posts and my advice through the lens of my previous posts.
On the flip side, I do see a benefit in the fact that some of you know my history and when I post about certain things I don't have to give the entire background and people may have a different perspective on the situation since they "know" me and my past situations.
Ok, here's a reason: I posted about some marital problems 2 years ago. Then I responded to a post about relationship issues - on another board - and I was told my advice was shit because why on earth would anyone listen to ME, of all people, the one who stayed in a marriage after a big marital issue? It was really embarassing and frankly pissed me off, and I have not posted on that board since (and I had never posted about my own issue on that board anyway, I posted on MM but people from other boards read our posts too).
Now I have not used an AE but I've definitely questioned my choice to post such private information out there and then continue to engage in this community with the people who know my private business and will look at my posts and my advice through the lens of my previous posts.
On the flip side, I do see a benefit in the fact that some of you know my history and when I post about certain things I don't have to give the entire background and people may have a different perspective on the situation since they "know" me and my past situations.
Thats dumb, but I totally see where AEs are coming from now. Since I am a "newbie" I guess I haven't been here to witness people being jackasses and pulling stuff from the past.
Ok, here's a reason: I posted about some marital problems 2 years ago. Then I responded to a post about relationship issues - on another board - and I was told my advice was shit because why on earth would anyone listen to ME, of all people, the one who stayed in a marriage after a big marital issue? It was really embarassing and frankly pissed me off, and I have not posted on that board since (and I had never posted about my own issue on that board anyway, I posted on MM but people from other boards read our posts too).
When my DH and I first got married, he was really bad with money. I was too, but I got my shit together and started to clean up our finances. He and I were on different pages for about 6 months, and I posted about it a few times (once as a thread, a few times in replies to others). Over time he and I have gotten on the same page financially, and we don't have money tension anymore. Probably pretty common for the first year of marriage.
A few months ago my DH said something really horrible to me (that he was in love with me but didn't know if he liked being married). I couldn't talk to my IRL friends about it except for one because I was embarrassed and scared and didn't want them to hate him, so I posted here. For one thing, several people said "don't you and your husband have financial conflict, too?" Even though we have worked through all that, the posts we write stay kinda stuck in time, like a snapshot. I didn't post to say "hey we officially don't have money arguments anymore!" so people assume it's still true. I don't mean that critically, it makes sense. But our lives and relationships are much more fluid than a post on a board can capture. For another, I'm pretty sure that what I wrote scared the crap out of some people because they said they went home and asked their husbands if they like being married. I feel like I have a scarlet X on my posts and people must think my husband doesn't really love me. We're both very committed and our marriage is in a great place, but like the poster who's H hit her, I think I'll always be the one whose husband doesn't want to be married. I wish I used an AE, because that month of my marriage doesn't define me IRL like it may here.
Lanyac, you posted a few weeks (?) ago about problems with your H, and then last week you posted about going on vacation to Europe, and several people asked why you would plan a vacation if you were going to leave your marriage, right?
That's why.
I was wondering why she would plan a vacation to Europe if she's supporting her H on a graduate school stipend.
You need thicker skin. I used to wonder this too (the AE thing) but I realized over time why people would do it. I have also never hsd a clue who anyone with an Ae was. I assume they are not as regular as they might think.
I've never had an issue reading an AE post over any other post. Sure, it helps the context with a recognizable name posting, but most AEs are significant enough you can answer the question without all sorts of background.
Exactly. I have no idea who you are lanyac and I definitely don't understand why you think you set the rules here.
What the fuck? What rule am I setting? And why the hell do you think you knowing or not knowing me matters at all? If you look at the date next to my name I joined May 2012 just like the rest of you.
I've never had an issue reading an AE post over any other post. Sure, it helps the context with a recognizable name posting, but most AEs are significant enough you can answer the question without all sorts of background.
It pisses me off that people think they're important because they've been on a message board longer than someone else. Grow the fuck up. I asked a question and I'm getting attacked for it. I appreciate the advice and wisdom of most of the people on here, but some of the others are just mentally disabled individuals* with computers.
Whoa! Before you lose all credibility, sometimes it's just best to breathe and back away.
Yes, deep breaths. I am pretty sure I posted this exact question not too long ago and got similar replies. However, I never freaked my freak and thought everyone was ganging up on me. I read the replies and considered the answers and was informed.