WTF, DH? (updated in OP)

[dr.girlfriend]

I really want to be all, "It's the thought that counts," but honestly I don't know WHAT THE FUCK my husband was thinking this Christmas.  He hadn't gotten me anything as of like two weeks before Christmas, and so I told him that he and my 6-year-old should go pick out a necklace for me.  He was all, "What if we get something you don't like?" and I said, "Just get something like the necklaces I wear every day.  Just be sure it's wearable, because if DS helps pick it out I can't return it and he's going to be sure to notice if I don't wear it."  For reference, here are the necklaces I wear the most: (Updated -- I took better pictures so you can all fully feel my pain):



And here is what they got me:



Let's have a pic together for scale:



I don't even know what to do about this.  I'm hiding upstairs because I think if I try to talk to DH about this I'll start yelling or crying, and I definitely don't want DS to be sad that I don't like his present, but...WTF?  This was really my only Christmas gift, and of course DH left the tag on and they paid like $70 for this monstrosity.  What the hell am I supposed to do here, and how could DH mess up so badly?

Ugh, sorry ladies.  I had to vent on here so I don't do something drastic at home!

UPDATE:  I set DS watching something and pulled DH upstairs to talk about it a few hours later.  I tried to start out with a more neutral, "So, was there a story behind the necklace you guys chose?" but then I started crying and DH was honestly completely flabbergasted.  There's really no explanation except that he fucked up. 

He felt really, really bad about it, but admitted that he didn't really hear and/or process when I told him to get something like the necklaces I actually wear.  He said he felt a lot of pressure at the crowded mall with DS, and DS kept pushing him toward really gaudy stuff, and he felt like this was one of the "least gaudy" of the necklaces that DS liked.  Also I like the color red (?), and he thought he had seen me wear necklaces like that "on more formal occasions" (um, no.) 

But, overall he admitted that he was more focused on keeping DS happy in the moment than on picking something that I would actually like, which should have been his first priority in choosing my only Christmas gift (duh).  He kept saying that they don't sell necklaces like the ones I wear at Macy's (?) and he should have gone to Ten Thousand Villages or something instead -- I guess maybe he was focused on the glass cases and not the hanging necklace things where they would have simpler necklaces?  And he was kind of thinking that if I didn't like it I could just "shuffle it off to the side," without realizing that this would pretty much leave me without a Christmas present I actually liked.  I mean, I woke up Christmas morning and took my necklace off because I was all, "From now on I'll wear the necklace DH and DS got me!"

Anyway, he was really beating himself up about it (which is really annoying, honestly, because then I end up comforting him instead of allowing myself to be angry) but, what can you do.  I honestly don't think DS will notice much; he was excited when I put it on on Christmas Day but it was pretty pokey so I took it off pretty quickly and he hasn't mentioned anything about it since.  I'll probably return it because I can't see letting $70 lie around unused, but I don't think I'll get anything else or make DH and DS get me anything else right now because honestly instead of being a happy reminder it'll just be kind of "that's the necklace I got to replace the necklace that time DH fucked up so badly."  So, maybe we'll try again next year, but honestly when you stack up the many, thoughtful gifts I got DH this Christmas, including some out-of-print books I spent hours tracking down for him, it looks really, really pathetic.  He's usually a very thoughtful and sensitive guy, I honestly can't believe he flubbed this so badly.

FINAL UPDATE:

Went to return the necklaces today.  Hadn't planned on buying anything, but saw this one.  It was really pretty, but $80.  I decided to splurge and get it.  Turned out it was the Macy's "deal of the day" and it rang up as $17, minus $1.70 because I had a 10% off coupon.  Yay!  (The picture is kind of huge but the pendant itself is about the size of a dime)

[gretchenwieners]

Oh my. This may be an unpopular opinion but I would take it back and explain to your DS that while it's beautiful and you love it, you don't have anywhere to wear something so beautiful and you'd rather have something you can wear everyday that reminds you of him, and maybe he can help you pick out something else. This comes from someone that always picked out the most "beautiful" dresses for my mom and she always exchanged them for something she'd actually wear. I look back and laugh now and it wasn't scarring at the time. Lol.
I'm sorry you're put in that position though. I know it feels terrible when you get a gift that doesn't live up to the hopes you had for it.

[salejolie]

I've had such a shit week and this was totally the laugh I needed. My husband is the perfect gift giver, and it's stressful knowing I'll never measure up. Just feel consoled that you are probably a better giver and thus win in the relationship.

[mrsemilys]

Oh man, I wouldn't be happy either. No advice on what to do but know that I would be mad and hurt. Hope you can find a solution!

[mrspez07]

I like gretchenwieners idea. Take your son with you and pick something new out. Frame it that it's much too fancy for you to wear daily. Having him help pick it out still gives him pride and buy in on the gift.
Plus, it will help train him for his future partners, maybe he'll learn to pay attention better. ;-)

[Deleted]

Well I guess the positive is that they paid $70 and not $700 for such a fancy piece of jewelry. maybe you can wear it to a wedding or something.

[mrsukyankee]

I think you'll have to tell your son that it's a very special thing that can only be worn to special events. Wear it once and then done. Next time, make a wishlist on Amazon and put all sorts of necklaces that you like on there - your H can print out pics and bring it with him next year.

[Deleted]

Wow I just....I can get that DS might want to pick out something "super pretty" for mom so that she'll look like a princess or something but your H should have directed a million times better than that!! How frustrating and completely disappointing, it must feel like your H doesn't know you at all. :/

I go with Gretchenweiners suggestion by the way - tell DS that you want something you can wear regularly and daily that makes you think of him and that this one is too beautiful and fancy for you to be able to wear every day and then have him help you pick out a new one.

[auntie]

I have the ring that matches it. DS gave it to me the first year we lived in this house when he was in kindie. I wore it out on NYE; he was so proud.

[bunnymendelbaum]

I'm so sorry.

Last year DH got me a big fat nothing, which was made even worse by the fact that his mom then excitedly asked what DH got me in front of the whole extended family and it was pretty obvious I was choking back tears. Then, instead of apologizing, he tried to claim I insisted he not get me anything. (Bullshit)

Anyway, this year I specifically told him to get me a pair of small modern earrings. Well, he outdid himself with 4 really great pairs!

I know how it feels to be so hurt by something so seemingly silly. In glad he took your disappointment well. Hope your DH makes it up to you next year!

[dr.girlfriend]

Dec 26, 2015 14:05:46 GMT -5 bunnymendelbaum said:

I'm so sorry.

Last year DH got me a big fat nothing, which was made even worse by the fact that his mom then excitedly asked what DH got me in front of the whole extended family and it was pretty obvious I was choking back tears. Then, instead of apologizing, he tried to claim I insisted he not get me anything. (Bullshit)

Ouch.  :-(  Glad he made up for it this year!

[treedimensional]

Oh gosh. So sorry, hon. My spouse is no better at this.

[RamblingRose]

The BF and I agreed that our big trip this summer was our Christmas gift, but we'd do stockings. And I told him I had a chocolate orange for each of us, but he was on his own to fill mine.
Then he panicked and said can we do this New Years since we were going to different places for Christmas. I'm sort of assuming mine will remain empty.
Remind me that once a year blah gifting doesn't mean all year thoughtfulness is negated.

[compassrose]

I hope his present guilt manifests itself in making it up to you instead of making you comfort him. WTF. Mr.Dr.girlfriend.

[TBM]

Dec 27, 2015 1:04:08 GMT -5 RamblingRose said:

Remind me that once a year blah gifting doesn't mean all year thoughtfulness is negated.

I would much rather have year round/daily thoughtfulness than have grand gestures on holidays.

DH is a very thoughtful guy, but he really used to have a hard time with holiday gifts. Gifts for no reason were always really special, but any day with a Hallmark card for it and he sucked. It was like feeling like he had to give a gift made him shut down. He couldn't think of anything, so he would wind up choosing things that made me feel like they had little thought put into them.

He wasnt good at helping the kids either, so one year I took him to my favorite little store (not in a mall, so less stressful for him), and showed him a lot of things that I loved, (with the saleslady nearby so that she could remember if he didn't). I left the store and he and the kids shopped. My gifts were still a surprise, since I didnt know exactly what they had bought, and I actually could wear/use and enjoy my gifts.

I did that for a couple of years, and eventually they all learned to be more thoughtful gift givers, not just with me, but with others. I had friends who thought that it was unromantic, but I thought that expecting someone who has a hard time to magically know what you want or to magically be a good gift giver if they had no reference for it was unrealistic. DH is a pretty decent gift giver now, but is still better at the day to day stuff, and I am fine with that.

[ssmjlm]

The only gift of mine that didn't suck this year was the Reese's trees DH put in my stocking. Everything else was horrible. DH isn't handling my disappointment at all and claims I'm the difficult one.

I could blame house stress, but he just really sucks at gifts and gives no fucks about my love languages.

[lilac05]

I missed the "like the necklaces I wear every day" part at first & thought maybe he was trying to buy you something fancy looking to have something different. Maybe he talked to someone like my sister at Macy's. She is convinced huge, chunky jewelry is acceptable anytime...even with a plain long sleeve fitted shirt & jeans.

It's hard when you give solid direction & then something is totally missed.

Personally, I'd try it with some nicer, black outfit & see if you'd be comfortable wearing it for a nice date night or something. (Though I like statement jewelry...but it's a fine like between statement & gaudy and I can't tell from this picture.) If not, I like the idea of taking DS shopping & picking out a new daily wear necklace.