If you're REALLY ok with the half ass apology and the situation being uber casual after four months then that's one thing. But you've posted two times in two days about how you were upset about this. At least be honest with yourself about where you are at.
We don't want to see you settling or getting hurt.
These are my thoughts too. What you're saying conflicts w how you're reacting.
I agree... I have a friend in a similar situation and she keeps trying to convince herself that she's ok with it, when in reality she wants more but is too afraid to speak up. Not saying this is truly how you feel, but I've learned you really have to be honest with yourself and what you really want in a relationship, not what you think you want or can convince yourself to be ok with...
If you're REALLY ok with the half ass apology and the situation being uber casual after four months then that's one thing. But you've posted two times in two days about how you were upset about this. At least be honest with yourself about where you are at.
We don't want to see you settling or getting hurt.
These are my thoughts too. What you're saying conflicts w how you're reacting.
And to be clear, I'm reacting because I don't like being blown off. No one likes feeling rejected, I thought he was just going to stop seeing me with no explanation. That would suck. I still like to be respected. Just seeing he's being flaky, makes me feel less annoyed.
These are my thoughts too. What you're saying conflicts w how you're reacting.
And to be clear, I'm reacting because I don't like being blown off. No one likes feeling rejected, I thought he was just going to stop seeing me with no explanation. That would suck. I still like to be respected. Just seeing he's being flaky, makes me feel less annoyed.
Of course. I would be telling you the same thing about a female friend who acted that way. I look at things like, I do not have the time to waste on people who cannot treat me with the same respect that I would treat them with. Male OR female, it's an issue of respect, not worrying so much that you think this man is the love of your life or something.
These are my thoughts too. What you're saying conflicts w how you're reacting.
I agree... I have a friend in a similar situation and she keeps trying to convince herself that she's ok with it, when in reality she wants more but is too afraid to speak up. Not saying this is truly how you feel, but I've learned you really have to be honest with yourself and what you really want in a relationship, not what you think you want or can convince yourself to be ok with...
I'm in therapy. My therapist agrees that I'm clear with what I want. I want routine male companionship without all of the commitments that go along with a relationship. So basically a casual dating situation.
And to be clear, I'm reacting because I don't like being blown off. No one likes feeling rejected, I thought he was just going to stop seeing me with no explanation. That would suck. I still like to be respected. Just seeing he's being flaky, makes me feel less annoyed.
Of course. I would be telling you the same thing about a female friend who acted that way. I look at things like, I do not have the time to waste on people who cannot treat me with the same respect that I would treat them with. Male OR female, it's an issue of respect, not worrying so much that you think this man is the love of your life or something.
Yea and I totally agree that what he didn't do was right, but honestly it's just not enough for me to break it off with him, given it's the only time this has happened. Next time I see him I'll tell him "listen I know we're casual but I deserve at least a text. What you did wasn't cool." We'll see how he reacts. It's just not something I'm going to address via text today. Obviously if this pattern continues he totally won't be worth my time.
Post by turtle1120 on Aug 28, 2012 12:35:55 GMT -5
I still feel like if you were completely ok with things being very casual, that you wouldn't have had your two prior flip outs about being blown off. I don't think you're being completely honest with yourself about what you want. You seem to want the security of a relationship without really calling it that. I feel like you want the benefits without any of the non-benefits that come along with it. (LOL - sorry, I couldn't resist!)
I still feel like if you were completely ok with things being very casual, that you wouldn't have had your two prior flip outs about being blown off. I don't think you're being completely honest with yourself about what you want. You seem to want the security of a relationship without really calling it that. I feel like you want the benefits without any of the non-benefits that come along with it. (LOL - sorry, I couldn't resist!)
NON benefits!!!! I'm actually just an overly sensitive person when it comes to being "rejected." I'd be almost as annoyed if a friend blew me off like this. And yes I do like some level of "security" which is what dude and I talked about. Just because it's casual doesn't mean you can't get hurt on some level.
I still feel like if you were completely ok with things being very casual, that you wouldn't have had your two prior flip outs about being blown off. I don't think you're being completely honest with yourself about what you want. You seem to want the security of a relationship without really calling it that. I feel like you want the benefits without any of the non-benefits that come along with it. (LOL - sorry, I couldn't resist!)
NON benefits!!!! I'm actually just an overly sensitive person when it comes to being "rejected." I'd be almost as annoyed if a friend blew me off like this. And yes I do like some level of "security" which is what dude and I talked about. Just because it's casual doesn't mean you can't get hurt on some level.
You make good points. I do think you need to talk with him about him not contacting you at all to let you know he was backing out. No one should be blown off like that without any explanation. I think we're all just taking a protective stance because we don't like to see our girls upset on here.
NON benefits!!!! I'm actually just an overly sensitive person when it comes to being "rejected." I'd be almost as annoyed if a friend blew me off like this. And yes I do like some level of "security" which is what dude and I talked about. Just because it's casual doesn't mean you can't get hurt on some level.
You make good points. I do think you need to talk with him about him not contacting you at all to let you know he was backing out. No one should be blown off like that without any explanation. I think we're all just taking a protective stance because we don't like to see our girls upset on here.
Oh totally and trust me I appreciate it and it's so nice to know that you all care so much. It's a helpful place to get things out even if it's not what you want to hear.
And I will definitely tell him it wasn't cool and while it's a casual thing, I'm also not a doormat, so if it happens again I'll be done. Because at that point it turns something fun into something stressful which isn't a good time for anyone.
And again I'm not saying I don't have feelings for him or care about him, I totally do like him, otherwise why would I want to spend time with him? I'm just not looking to turn this into something serious.