And...I was let down...UPDATED in comments

[Deleted]

I love how this happens to me right after I was trying to figure out how to move past it.

So things have been good with the dude, he suggested hanging out tonight. I proposed we go to the video game place, he texts back that it sounds cool. I ask him what time he wants to get together and no response. That was two hours ago. I even tried calling him just in case and he didn't pick up.

Seriously WHAT THE HELL??? I'm so annoyed. Why is it so goddamn hard to text and say tonight doesn't work anymore. And overall he's obviously totally over dating me, but dude, just ignoring me after hanging out for 4 months is so FUCKING rude. And it seriously makes me feel like shit that I don't even warrant a follow up.

Okay vent over. UGGG

[heavenly]

You deserved a responce from him. He is weak which is reflected through his communication skills. I don't understand why some guys do this. I went through something like this last week and I am positive I ill never hear back from the guy like ever.

I wouldn't want to hang out with someone who makes me.feel bad.

[hobs209]

Aug 28, 2012 6:30:28 GMT -5 jellymankelly said:

Aug 27, 2012 23:14:09 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

It's really weird also because it was his idea to hang out??

This. Why initiate the plans and then not follow through? Did he ever call?

I agree, that's strange. Maybe something happened?

[naeljun]

I don't get this either. Why do they feel like they have to take the cop out and just can't be honest. We are grown women. We can handle rejection.

[turtle1120]

I know you like him and have enjoyed spending your time with him, but maybe it's just time to cut your losses and walk away? You deserve more respect than he is giving you.

[starburst604]

I'm sorry that sucks Unless he had an accident or legit emergency of some kind there's just no excuse for that. Maybe you were right to be on your guard with him.

[redredwine]

What??!!! SO strange! Since it's morning, did you ever hear from him last night at all??
I'm sooooo sorry.

Regarding this and the post below about getting let down-dude I SO understand what you mean. I was JUST having this conversation with a friend of mine on Sunday. I'm dating someone but I'm so convinved that the last text I send/receieve is the last time I'm ever going to hear from him or the last time we hang out, etc. I can't seem to get over it even when there are plans to hang out again. I thank every dude I've dated post-D because all but one guy has just faded away and I never hear from them again. The one guy actually had the decency to say "Hey, you're great but we're not at the right place right now". It's almost like I won't believe I'm actually with someone until I have a ring on my finger or something life that. Sounds insane, but I've been let down so many times before, I just kind of expect it now.

I'm so guarded and she said I need to get over it or I'm going to sabatage my relationships/dating life. She suggested I write about why I feel this way, my insecurities, etc and then burn the letter. I don't know...might be worth a shot.

Anyways, point of the story? I totally get where you're at. Been there (maybe there now?)
And I'm so sorry about lame boy. I'm really curious what his deal was.

[jade28]

Aw I'm sorry pdx. That is just frustrating and it is never fun to have your fears realized. I hope there is a good excuse on his part but it seems like he has been wishy washy lately with the phone, which is just annoying and you deserve better.

I definitely always worry about being let down but honestly, when it comes to dating, I have zero expectations until there is a commitment and a relationship status. This may sound bad but it really helps me not be hurt when a guy becomes MIA. I find that most guys do just drop off the face of the earth.

I don't start getting my hopes up and having expectations until there is a talk and we are bf/gf.

However, I was just talking to my bf about this and I said that I am just waiting for the moment he will piss me off and he was shocked. He didn't understand why I would assume there will be a time he will disappointment me and make me upset. He said he does not have that expectation for me. I told him that I feel like in any relationship it is inevitable - someone will do something that will hurt the other person. He didn't seem to think so. I never realized how pessimistic I am and how convinced I am that things do always blow up at some point....I mean is it really possible to not have that happen? Can you really have a relationship without someone doing something to completely piss off the other person?

[usedtobebear]

I'm sorry, I hate feeling disappointed, I'm so not looking forward to this once I'm ready to start dating... guys can be so selfish and immature, especially since he initiated, makes no sense and then it's unfair that you have to sit there wondering wtf you did wrong, even though it's his issue and not yours. Ugh!

[achase123]

Hmmm, maybe I'm of the mindset where I'm trying to be too positive so feel free to tell me to be quiet if you want. But the thing is, I think when it's right, it's easy and there isn't that feeling of doubt that creeps in.

I have been in enough situations where I can almost sense it's not going to work out before it does. It's not like I'm wishing it wouldn't but I just kind of "know" somehow that it's going to be something or it's not.

My guess is that you had this feeling with this guy all along and it had more to do with that then your "baggage" or however you were putting it yesterday. I think when you're with the right person you will have a sense of calm and peace. You won't sit there wondering when/if he's going to call and you will both be on the same page.

Until that guy comes along, hang in there!

[stephbfan]

Aug 28, 2012 10:31:39 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Hmmm, maybe I'm of the mindset where I'm trying to be too positive so feel free to tell me to be quiet if you want. But the thing is, I think when it's right, it's easy and there isn't that feeling of doubt that creeps in.

I have been in enough situations where I can almost sense it's not going to work out before it does. It's not like I'm wishing it wouldn't but I just kind of "know" somehow that it's going to be something or it's not.

My guess is that you had this feeling with this guy all along and it had more to do with that then your "baggage" or however you were putting it yesterday. I think when you're with the right person you will have a sense of calm and peace. You won't sit there wondering when/if he's going to call and you will both be on the same page.

Until that guy comes along, hang in there!

:Y:

[blackkitty]

Did you ever hear from him last night?
That sounds really weird, I hope nothing happened to him

[Deleted]

Actually this is the first guy that I've had very few reservations about. The only issue being that he is so freshly out of his marriage. And up until now he's been really good to me. I've had my doubts about stuff but most of those were on me.

He did text me back this morning and said he had a fight with his ex about their kids (this divorce has been seriously Lifetime movie crazy) and he was really upset and had super anxiety. He apologized for being so flaky.

Sure it's a red flag, but I'm not going to push the issue with him and see how it plays out the rest of the week. Sure he should have been more considerate and sent a text, but I'm willing to give him another chance provided his behavior changes.

[wrathofkuus]

Ex drama and not even having the basic courtesy to let you know that plans are off? I wouldn't bother with seeing how anything plays out. It's already played out.

[achase123]

Aug 28, 2012 11:03:45 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Actually this is the first guy that I've had very few reservations about. The only issue being that he is so freshly out of his marriage. And up until now he's been really good to me. I've had my doubts about stuff but most of those were on me.

He did text me back this morning and said he had a fight with his ex about their kids (this divorce has been seriously Lifetime movie crazy) and he was really upset and had super anxiety. He apologized for being so flaky.

Sure it's a red flag, but I'm not going to push the issue with him and see how it plays out the rest of the week. Sure he should have been more considerate and sent a text, but I'm willing to give him another chance provided his behavior changes.

That's fine, just be careful. I'm not saying you necessarily have to pull the trigger yet, I just think you need to be cautious since he's been SO wishy/washy. Maybe his excuses are legit, maybe they're not. I just know that if I had been dating someone for four months, I'd definitely feel a little more obligated to keep them posted about what was going on and communicate about why I was acting differently IF it was really for the reasons he's talking about.

[wrathofkuus]

Hell, even if you'd just met, it's just the right thing to do to let someone know that plans are off. The more I think about this, the more annoyed I get. Was he raised by wolves or what?

[bullygirl979]

Aug 28, 2012 11:30:07 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Ex drama and not even having the basic courtesy to let you know that plans are off? I wouldn't bother with seeing how anything plays out. It's already played out.

I agree with this 100%. The only good excuse for not texting to even say "sorry but I can't get together now" would be if he was deathly ill in the hospital, he was hit by a bus or there was a dire family emergency.

pdx, I would cut your losses with this one and move on. He is supposed to be on his "best" behavior at this stage in the game. If this is his best, what is his worst?? Andplusalso, you already identified red flags already. Why bother wasting more of your time?

[blackkitty]

I would move on, you know this guy ultimately going to let you down again. I guess if you want to set yourself up for that you will though.

[Deleted]

Thanks ladies I appreciate the feedback. If we had definite plans of at X time we will do X, I'd be more inclined to not accept his apologies. He had asked me to hang out that night but we never solidified plans. Also I know him and he does have debilitating anxiety. Again this is why our situation is super casual. He totally has issues, but I have fun with him. I'm not looking to get in a serious relationship right now or find "the guy." So I'm fine with his apology.

[starburst604]

Seriously, how long does it take to type a text that something came up and can he take a raincheck? I have no tolerance for shit like that. My bet is that drama-filled divorce aside, he is still flaky and inconsiderate.

[achase123]

Aug 28, 2012 11:46:06 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Thanks ladies I appreciate the feedback. If we had definite plans of at X time we will do X, I'd be more inclined to not accept his apologies. He had asked me to hang out that night but we never solidified plans. Also I know him and he does have debilitating anxiety. Again this is why our situation is super casual. He totally has issues, but I have fun with him. I'm not looking to get in a serious relationship right now or find "the guy." So I'm fine with his apology.

If you're REALLY ok with the half ass apology and the situation being uber casual after four months then that's one thing. But you've posted two times in two days about how you were upset about this. At least be honest with yourself about where you are at.

We don't want to see you settling or getting hurt.

[Deleted]

Aug 28, 2012 11:48:55 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

Seriously, how long does it take to type a text that something came up and can he take a raincheck? I have no tolerance for shit like that. My bet is that drama-filled divorce aside, he is still flaky and inconsiderate.

Oh he can totally be flaky. Again that's why I'm not looking for a serious relationship. But given he did have a somewhat decent excuse, and I have fun with him and like the sex, I don't see it as a big enough deal to give up something this casual over.

[wrathofkuus]

Surely it isn't that difficult for a woman to find regular sex.

[bullygirl979]

Aug 28, 2012 11:53:48 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Aug 28, 2012 11:48:55 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

Seriously, how long does it take to type a text that something came up and can he take a raincheck? I have no tolerance for shit like that. My bet is that drama-filled divorce aside, he is still flaky and inconsiderate.

Oh he can totally be flaky. Again that's why I'm not looking for a serious relationship. But given he did have a somewhat decent excuse, and I have fun with him and like the sex, I don't see it as a big enough deal to give up something this casual over.

Sorry, but I don't see his excuse as being "decent". However, I am also in the camp that even if you haven't decided on a location/time but have agreed to do something, then you have plans. And if those plans change you should be notified.

Bottom line, do what you want (obviously) but I agree with PP that if you are wasting your time with him, then it is taking you away from possibly meeting a great guy who you will have fun with, have great sex with AND who will be considerate and thoughtful.

[Deleted]

Aug 28, 2012 12:13:42 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Aug 28, 2012 11:53:48 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Oh he can totally be flaky. Again that's why I'm not looking for a serious relationship. But given he did have a somewhat decent excuse, and I have fun with him and like the sex, I don't see it as a big enough deal to give up something this casual over.

Sorry, but I don't see his excuse as being "decent". However, I am also in the camp that even if you haven't decided on a location/time but have agreed to do something, then you have plans. And if those plans change you should be notified.

Bottom line, do what you want (obviously) but I agree with PP that if you are wasting your time with him, then it is taking you away from possibly meeting a great guy who you will have fun with, have great sex with AND who will be considerate and thoughtful.

I have absolutely ZERO desire to meet someone. I plan to be single for life. I mean obviously if this behavior continues it will get annoying and not be fun, so I'll stop seeing him. When I see him in person I'll bring up the fact that he totally should have texted me and let him know it's not okay.

[bullygirl979]

Aug 28, 2012 12:18:28 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Aug 28, 2012 12:13:42 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Sorry, but I don't see his excuse as being "decent". However, I am also in the camp that even if you haven't decided on a location/time but have agreed to do something, then you have plans. And if those plans change you should be notified.

Bottom line, do what you want (obviously) but I agree with PP that if you are wasting your time with him, then it is taking you away from possibly meeting a great guy who you will have fun with, have great sex with AND who will be considerate and thoughtful.

I have absolutely ZERO desire to meet someone. I plan to be single for life. I mean obviously if this behavior continues it will get annoying and not be fun, so I'll stop seeing him. When I see him in person I'll bring up the fact that he totally should have texted me and let him know it's not okay.

For real? Why? FWIW, I am not judging you at all. Just curious.

[achase123]

pdx, could this be some sort of defense mechanism to not getting hurt again? I'm just curious.

[ECB]

Aug 28, 2012 11:52:54 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Aug 28, 2012 11:46:06 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Thanks ladies I appreciate the feedback. If we had definite plans of at X time we will do X, I'd be more inclined to not accept his apologies. He had asked me to hang out that night but we never solidified plans. Also I know him and he does have debilitating anxiety. Again this is why our situation is super casual. He totally has issues, but I have fun with him. I'm not looking to get in a serious relationship right now or find "the guy." So I'm fine with his apology.

If you're REALLY ok with the half ass apology and the situation being uber casual after four months then that's one thing. But you've posted two times in two days about how you were upset about this. At least be honest with yourself about where you are at.

We don't want to see you settling or getting hurt.

These are my thoughts too. What you're saying conflicts w how you're reacting.

[Deleted]

Aug 28, 2012 12:20:12 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Aug 28, 2012 12:18:28 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

I have absolutely ZERO desire to meet someone. I plan to be single for life. I mean obviously if this behavior continues it will get annoying and not be fun, so I'll stop seeing him. When I see him in person I'll bring up the fact that he totally should have texted me and let him know it's not okay.

For real? Why? FWIW, I am not judging you at all. Just curious.

Yep and no worries I realize it isn't a traditional stance. And I will say I'm not so rigid in this that I recognize I could meet someone that changes this for me.

Basically I just really like being alone and with my friends too much to give that up. I cannot imagine being only with one person for the rest of my life and the idea of someone living with me totally gives me panic attacks.

I don't like the "comfort" level of relationship, I find it stale, stagnant and boring. I like things to stay fun and exciting.

However, I do enjoy male companionship, but without all the strings. That's why this situation works pretty well. I know that I have a guy to call up and hang out with/go on dates with and it's fun, casual and light. I guess that's why now that he's at least acknowledged and apologized that I'm not that mad anymore.

[Deleted]

Aug 28, 2012 12:23:42 GMT -5 calle28 said:

i'm wondering the same thing as achase.
do you mind me asking how old you are?

I'm 30.