I don't like using the word date but I realize that's semantics. I also don't like that this one-on-one time is limited to the parent of the opposite sex. Not just because it places an emphasis on heterosexual relationships (which it obviously does) but because I think kids need that kind of attention from both parents. I also think it's odd that she requires him to spend his allowance that way. If she is requiring it then she should pay for it.
I think it's cute. I spend one on one time with my boys and it has nothing to do with the opposite sex. I have 2 boys. If I had a daughter I would do the same.
This Saturday my oldest (9yo) and I are going to dinner and a movie. The allowance thing? no opinion really. She probably makes sure he has extra allowance than a typical 6yo.
The use of the word "dates" is creepy, and I don't think he should have to spend his allowance. You can teach a kid to be responsible with their allowance without having them use it to go out with a parent. And the pulling out chairs and stuff is just weird to me, for his age. She could easily teach him manner and respect every time they go somewhere together (to get groceries, on errands) without this big event. I think one-on-one time with either parent is great, but it shouldn't be something the kid has to earn or pay for. That's what rubs me the wrong way.
I mean, I spend one on one time with both of my kids (as does DH) and I have used the word date with both of them. I guess I never thought about it.
DS has bought me things like a smashed penny or a pack of bubble yum with his spending money. But I feel like with this mom and kid, he isn't doing it out if the goodness of his heart because he loves his mom. He's doing it because she's teaching him that's what men do
I go on lunch dates with my girls individually, so the use of the word date doesn't bother me.
I don't think she has to take him on the dinner outings to teach him manners. I'm sure it doesn't hurt that he knows how to behave in a restaurant, but it's probably because respect and manners are modeled everywhere, not just once a month.
That said, my kids would love to take mommy or daddy out to dinner and figure out the math, pay, etc. I would not force them to use their piggy bank to pay for it though. That seems...odd.
Also, I understand that maybe she was in abusive relationships, so she's biased, but this should be about how to carry yourself as a polite kid eating at a restaurant for fun, not how women "especially" need to be respected. Talk about projecting, geez.
I agree with rora's definition of date. I use the term play date all the time. Date doesn't have to do with romance.
What does bother me is its a contrived act where she's teaching her son men have to pay a woman's way. What happens if he's gay?
Maybe he wanted to? My friend took her little boy to go shopping for (similar to) angel tree gifts and he had emptied out his piggy bank and insisted on paying for the gifts. She had no intention of making him pay but he would not back down. He's not quite 9.
And if he's gay, he'll still have very good manners
I don't have any problem with this. I do dates often with both of my kids. (DS and dd)
Manners, respect etc. Aren't just going to be taught from a once a month date. Of she's modeling kindness and politeness all the time it will show.
Post by cabbagecabbage on Jan 5, 2016 18:11:47 GMT -5
The child sounds sweet. Any mom who publicly posts private details about her children with the obvious intention of going viral (and I'll never believe that wasnt her intent) gets my side eye until next year. Any parent who posts stuff with such a self-congratulatory tone as well. The reinforcing gender rolls and harkening back to a time when things were "better" when men paid and held open doors makes me think people have forgotten how shitty the world is/was for women.
Basically, the concept is sweet. The post and its tone aren't.
I agree with rora's definition of date. I use the term play date all the time. Date doesn't have to do with romance.
What does bother me is its a contrived act where she's teaching her son men have to pay a woman's way. What happens if he's gay?
I normally would agree with you but in this instance when she is making it about teaching him how to "date" someone it just adds to the inappropriateness.
I agree with rora's definition of date. I use the term play date all the time. Date doesn't have to do with romance.
What does bother me is its a contrived act where she's teaching her son men have to pay a woman's way. What happens if he's gay?
Maybe he wanted to? My friend took her little boy to go shopping for (similar to) angel tree gifts and he had emptied out his piggy bank and insisted on paying for the gifts. She had no intention of making him pay but he would not back down. He's not quite 9.
And if he's gay, he'll still have very good manners
I don't have any problem with this. I do dates often with both of my kids. (DS and dd)
Manners, respect etc. Aren't just going to be taught from a once a month date. Of she's modeling kindness and politeness all the time it will show.
I get that he might want to but it doesn't seem likely. She started this tradition as a lesson on how to treat a woman.
I do do dates with my kids to spend one on one time with them, not to teach my son some archaic view of how to date. Should a guy who asks a woman out pay for the first date? Absolutely. If the two get in a relationship? It certainly should not be the man paying for everything. I think a parent teaching that lesson that the man should be paying and do everything for the woman is missing the point that relationships should be 50/50. I also don't want my son to hold doors on dates; I want him to be a considerate person who does it for the elderly, a man in a wheelchair, a mom holding a baby, etc.
I only saw a short version of this but I think it's super weird. I think it's awesome to spend one-on-one time together, but I do not think it should be like a grown-up date where he pays. Weirdness!!!