S/O dolls and race

[fashionx]

www.rageagainsttheminivan.com/2016/01/two-white-girls-get-black-dolls-for.html


Two white girls get black dolls for Christmas and what happens next is not at all shocking
This past week, a video went viral of two young white girls being gifted with black dolls and subsequently expressing their disapproval. It has the provocative title "Parents get white girls black dolls and what happens next is shocking." Except that it isn't that shocking, sadly. I'm not going to link to it, because these are very young children who are clearly products of their parents at this point and don't deserve to have their faces on blast all over the internet. But chances are, you've already seen it as it's been widely shared. In case you haven't, I'll describe what happens.

A mom is filming her two daughters as they open a Christmas gift from their uncle. The mom is giggling and clearly expecting a response - almost as if it's a gag on her children. The kids pull two black baby dolls from the bag. The oldest looks sheepish and a little disappointed, but she also seems conflicted. Like she's on to the fact that her mom is fishing for a response. The mom keeps laughing and begins to push for a reaction. "Do you like it?" "What's wrong?" The daughter shrugs and seems like she doesn't feel like indulging her mom in whatever reaction she's gunning for (and filming for.)

But the younger sister is not as filtered, and she sees the dolls and becomes unhinged. As she's going into temper tantrum mode, the mom is laughing and asking "what's wrong?" but it's clear she already knows the answer . . . because the answer was expected. And she is filming because she thought the reaction would make for a funny video to share on facebook.

It's gross.

It's disturbing and disheartening and sad. But it's also a reminder of how easily children can pick up on racial bias.

It's easy to think that devoid of a racist parent, no children would ever behave this way. That racism is a learned behavior. And while I do believe that racism is learned, I also believe that our children are ALL growing up in a society in which they are swimming in racial bias. And if we want to avoid our white children being disappointed in a black doll, we have to be very intentional to overcome societal norms that suggest to our children that they should appreciate white skin over brown.



A couple year ago I paid a visit to the doll section of Target and noted that every single black Barbie doll was on clearance. It was baffling and enraging. But should I be mad at Target? Are they at fault when their consumers show racial bias when they buy toys for their children? Obviously, when mothers are faced with a row full of dolls, they are overwhelmingly choosing the white dolls, prompting Target to discount the ones that aren't selling. (And even with the discount, parents are choosing the white dolls).

And really, the only conclusion I can come to is that WE are to blame. Our society. In particular, the white majority that thinks that we are living in a post-racial society because Obama is president, the white majority that thinks that black people are oversensitive when they complain about racism, and the white majority that doesn't even see the problem with encouraging your kids to choose dolls that look just like them.

(And if you don't believe me, have a look at an American Doll catalog - which encourages girls to special order a doll with their exact hair, skin, and eye color, because "everyone wants a friend who looks just like them." Or check out this podcast from This American Life on how mothers at FAO Schwartz react when the store runs out of white baby dolls in the nursery. Parents are faced with a choice: will they go for an Asian, Latino, or African-American baby instead? What happens is beyond disturbing.)

It is only through the lens of white privilege that we can ignore how this kind of "like me = likeable" subtext shapes the way our children interact with others. It is only in the comfortable seat of denial that we can pretend that this preference for same-race dolls won't extend into our children's treatment of minority children that don't look like them.

And really, buying diverse dolls is just the tip of the iceberg in raising a generation that will bridge the racial gap in our country. There are so many bigger things we should be doing as parents, including making sure our community and the people in our lives and in our homes reflect the diversity that we supposedly value. But the dolls . . . I mean, buying diverse dolls is so easy. It takes so little effort. And it's so important.

Chances are, your children will be thrilled at widening their toy selection to include more shades. But if they aren't, it's an indicator that you have some work to do.



We have tried to be intentional about buying diverse dolls for my kids. Which hasn't always been easy. In fact, this year I wanted to get them a new American Girl doll, and Karis specifically asked for one with brown skin. This had been my plan anyway, but in order to do so without replicating dolls we already own, I had to order a retired doll from ebay. Because the American Girl doll collection is so abysmally lacking in diversity.


Thankfully, our scene on Christmas morning was a bit different from the viral video.






My girls were thrilled with their dolls. And while it's easy to say that it's just because their parents aren't racist jerks, I think it is also because we've been very intentional in celebrating diversity, because we understand that doing nothing is not enough. The absence of racism is not enough to combat racial bias. (If you don't believe me, please check out the doll test that CNN did in the last couple of years.)
I'd love to challenge everyone reading this to consider your own holiday. Was diversity reflected under you Christmas tree? If not, here are some ideas for moving forward. . .

1. Take an inventory of your home's diversity. Are your toys sending a subtle message? Make it a point to buy dolls and action figures of every race. Watch how your kids react.

2. Be intentional in showing your children positive examples of other races in the media they watch. Some great examples are Go, Diego, Go!, Little Bill, Ni Hao, Kai-Lan, Dora the Explorer, and Cooking for Kids with Luis.

3. Take inventory of your own racial biases. Be careful with the language you use around your children. Avoid making stereotypical statements or racial jokes in front of your children. (or better yet, don't do it at all).

4. Look for opportunities to immerse your family in other cultures. Try to find situations where your family is the minority. This is a great stretching and empathy building opportunity for you and your kids. Try attending a minority church event or a cultural festival. Again, observe your child's reactions and open a dialogue about how that feels.

5. Read books that depict children from other races and countries. Some of our favorites are We're Different, We're the Same, The Colors of Us , and Whoever You Are (Reading Rainbow Book) . For an incredible list of multi-cultural children's books, check out Shades of Love at Shelfari.com.

6. Just observe. Watch how your children plays with children who are different, whether it be skin color, gender, disability, or physical differences. Talk about it. Let your child know that you are a safe person to process their feelings and reactions with, while at the same time guiding them to accept children with differences.

7. Lead by example. Widen your circle of friends and acquaintances to include people from different backgrounds, cultures and experiences

[fashionx]

I didn't see the original video referenced, but the description of the mom being all giggly over giving her kids the "wrong color" doll makes me really upset. I thought this article gave some nice tips for showing more diversity with toy and show selection though.

[Queen Mamadala]

I shared this on FB yesterday.

My kids never got into dolls and barbies the way I did, but I made sure to buy them dolls of all ethnicities. They never cared what color they were. They were simply pretty dolls with cute clothes.

I grew up playing with lots of dolls and barbies of all colors. My mom, a black woman, made sure to expose me to a variety of dolls.

[thejen626]

I've always bought my girls dolls of all colors. I feel it's so important. This article shows me exactly that. I feel so validated!

And, I want to punch that mom in the face. I'm not a violent person. What a fucking horrible bitch.

[ska]

I am white and had a black baby doll when I was little. It was the 70s in small town Minnesota so I always thought it was pretty cool of my Mom to have bought it for me.
I asked her about it a few years ago. She said she had actually bought it for my older brother! Even cooler Mom.

[VillainV]

Wow. My kid is just reaching the age of this kind of toy, and I haven't thought about this AT ALL, so in thankful you posted it. I've never stopped to think about the problem with "a doll that looks just like you." My mind is kind of blown right now.

[carolinagirl831]

Wow that is so awful!
My mil actually bought my dd and my niece bitty babies, she bought them black and Asian babies. Mil said she always wanted a black baby doll when she was little and her mom wouldn't buy her one. ( in the early 60s)

[rugbywife]

And now I will be going to IKEA on Sunday to buy E the black version of her doll. When we bought the first one she actually wanted both but I said no. Wish I had bought both.

[brooklyn]

Oh ew. That mother is awful. Those poor girls.

My kid isn't really into dolls, but a lot of his friends are, and I do agree it's important to have a diverse group, since we surrounded by so many cultures, especially in nyc.

I'm making a concentrated effort to make sure our book collection includes a variety of races and cultures. I'm also looking for books that includes people with various physical and health related impairments, since J has started to notice differences there among his friends and family, so I want to make sure he stays respectful and kind and inclusive to everyone.

[Deleted]

My Mom bought us black Crystal Barbie because white one was out of stock. We loved her. We were probably surprised because all of our Barbies were blonde etc.
But even my own child was given the entire American girl catalogue and picked a black doll with gorgeous curly hair. No comments on colour

[cinco]

Jan 7, 2016 0:26:21 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

Jan 7, 2016 0:16:48 GMT -5 fashionx said:

I didn't see the original video referenced, but the description of the mom being all giggly over giving her kids the "wrong color" doll makes me really upset. I thought this article gave some nice tips for showing more diversity with toy and show selection though.

I almost had to stop reading out of rage. Why was the mom taking joy in the set up?
I'm so glad I kept reading until the end. 
I'm still soo proud out my rant on the AG Facebook page last week. 
I got my Lea covered catalog in the mail earlier this week, and threw it in the trash.
#TeamMelody 

I am halfway through the 1st Melody book and her  whole family is fabulous. I think it is well done. Even the dedication is perfect. "To everyone who hears the call of justice, and answers." I sent a message to our library requesting they do Melody for an upcoming AG book club. They have done Addy and Cecile.




The mom in this story is horrid  

[shelbyann]

I'm glad I haven't seen the video. How disgusting.

Over the holidays I bought a few soft baby dolls from Costco to donate to our daycare's toy drive and DD became super attached to one of the black ones. Almost wish I'd caved and let her keep it! I hope they still have them in stock next time I go.

[magpie]

That mom sounds disgusting.

DD loves her African American doll and has no concept of dolls needing to look like her. If she did, she'd sort of be shit out of luck because she's 1/4 Asian and I don't think they make those (they certainly didn't make 1/2 Asian dolls for me when I was a kid, though a friend's grandma made me one by hand!).

[oceanstbride]

The mom in this article is disgusting. I hope Facebook takes the video down and I'm glad to not have come across it. I feel shocked by the aggressiveness? of the mom in wanting such a horrible reaction. But after reading everything race related on here the last week, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Which makes me incredibly sad. Also, the part about AG "make a doll that looks just like me" - eye opening!

I like all the tips to help create a more diverse environment for DS. I've been adding books that are mentioned to his Amazon list, so that I can add one here and there when I place orders.

[jsillyfun]

What a horrible woman. When I bought Dd her bitty baby, I let her choose the one she wanted and I was really happy that she chose one that looked Latina and not the blonde blue eyed one. I also try to get books with diverse kids. One of her favorites is Chavela and the Magic Chicle. It's a beautiful book about a girl who chews magic gum that flies her to Mexico where she meets her grandmother as a little girl.

[zarapipe]

DD has a black American Girl doll. She is more into barbies now and has gotten some as gifts, all white. I need to make it a point to get some other ethnicity barbies like I did with her dolls. Good reminder.

[longtimenopost]

I like the article, but am feeling some kind of way that it's not okay for a child to want a doll that looks like her? Like I'm not being a good parent if A's favorite doll is my old Kirsten doll (who all my girls are basically named after, and who shares her Scandinavian heritage). When I was young I had a "my twin" doll who was made to look just like me, based on pictures of me! We used to dress alike too, lol.

I can't tell if I'm feeling defensive, or if I really don't see the connection between dolls and racial awareness. It's normal for children to gravitate to people (and dolls) who look like them. A LOVES Doc McStuffins and has her Dr. kit and I'd get her the doll because she loves the character, not because the doll is black.

[raangoli]

From the other side of the fence, I never had a doll that "looked like me" growing up. The closest I got was when a friend gave me a Hawaiian Barbie (which I think really was Barbie's friend). My Cabbage Patch kid was white with dirty blonde hair. I never cared as a kid, but it would have been nice to have a doll with even the slightest bit of a tan.

I went to the AG website the other day and was really surprised that I didn't find many dolls that fit the "look like you" description for me/future DD. I was a bit disappointed.

And that mom in that video? She sucks.

[Marmee]

Those parents are such assholes, that whole set up/video is terrible. Why did they have an indication that would happen so video'd it? Because they are racist assholes.

I'll admit my older girls did gravitate toward dolls that "looked like" them and I think that was fine. But my DD3 does not do that and that is fine too. I've already told the story that I got DD3 the AG Saige that "looked like her" & she wanted nothing to do with it. She wanted (& now has) Kaya. She has this inexplicable connection/interest in Native American culture in general (I joke it's a past life but I really am not sure why she's so obsessed). Her favorite princesses are not white either. My DD4 has 2 fav dolls, that are identical except one is white & one is black. My family is multi-racial (in an otherwise virtually all-white town) and we had a variety of dolls growing up in the 1980s. I loved it.

[fashionx]

Jan 7, 2016 12:13:43 GMT -5 longtimenopost said:

I like the article, but am feeling some kind of way that it's not okay for a child to want a doll that looks like her? Like I'm not being a good parent if A's favorite doll is my old Kirsten doll (who all my girls are basically named after, and who shares her Scandinavian heritage). When I was young I had a "my twin" doll who was made to look just like me, based on pictures of me! We used to dress alike too, lol.

I can't tell if I'm feeling defensive, or if I really don't see the connection between dolls and racial awareness. It's normal for children to gravitate to people (and dolls) who look like them. A LOVES Doc McStuffins and has her Dr. kit and I'd get her the doll because she loves the character, not because the doll is black.

I think it's good to have a look alike doll, as part of a collection of a variety of dolls with different looks. I think dolls in particular are ways that children can act out "life" scenarios and it's a good thing to learn that other people don't all look the same. If we want to promote having friends of different races and backgrounds, having different dolls as playthings (or "friends at home" even?) helps make real life experiences more normal. Like, no reason to ask why another little boy or girl is another color than them, if they are used to being around different colors.

ETA: I think it's nice we live in a time with more doll color options so more chance of finding a "look alike" doll even! But more reason to me to diversify the toys at home.

[longtimenopost]

Jan 7, 2016 12:16:32 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

Jan 7, 2016 12:13:43 GMT -5 longtimenopost said:

I like the article, but am feeling some kind of way that it's not okay for a child to want a doll that looks like her? Like I'm not being a good parent if A's favorite doll is my old Kirsten doll (who all my girls are basically named after, and who shares her Scandinavian heritage). When I was young I had a "my twin" doll who was made to look just like me, based on pictures of me! We used to dress alike too, lol.

I can't tell if I'm feeling defensive, or if I really don't see the connection between dolls and racial awareness. It's normal for children to gravitate to people (and dolls) who look like them. A LOVES Doc McStuffins and has her Dr. kit and I'd get her the doll because she loves the character, not because the doll is black.

I don't think it is wrong for your kid to have a doll that looks like her. We all want that. But if your (general) DD is grossed out or pissed because they get a doll that doesn't look like them, that is a problem. I think diversity is important. You don't want your kid to be the one asking why the black doll is dirty and not realizing there are different races.

I can definitely understand that. What the woman described did was terrible, and it's a problem that she knew what their reaction would be. Poor girls.

I understand this thread is about racially diverse dolls, but I honestly think I spend so much time worrying about how A will fit in with her disability that this wasn't on my radar.  

[CrazyLucky]

I don't even know how to react to this mom. I would be so ashamed of myself if my daughter was mad that her doll wasn't white. DD is 3, and I haven't really come across it yet. She doesn't want anonymous dolls. We have Elsa, Doc McStuffins, and Dora. So far so good. But it's definitely something to keep in mind as she grows up.