I'm a hot mess right now (long ramble)

[wingingitinmotown]

I think all the stresses and pressures in my life have hit their boiling point. I just feel exhausted, emotional, and drained all.the.time. As I've said before, I'm in counseling, and logically in the long run I know it will help. In the immediate though, it's bringing up a lot of things that I just don't want to deal with, even though I need to. My mom is pushing me over the edge with destructive behavior (to the point that my brother and uncle are finally getting involved and not just leaving it to me). The co-dependency that I developed during my child hood is in full force these days, and is an added stress in my relationship with G and trying to get settled in to a new city. I'm reading (well, listening to) Codependent No More that someone suggested last week. I'm trying to focus on being positive. I do fine for a few days, then I just snap I guess. I blew up on G yesterday for groceries. I mean, wtf? I apologized to him later and told him that no matter how tired I am he doesn't deserve that. He just took it and said that he knows what a hard time I'm having and hugged me. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here other than to vent this stuff out a little. I have a couple of IRL friends that I've talked to, but I'm just not comfortable sharing all the "secrets" of my past that I've worked so hard to keep secret (family stuff, things with my mom, etc). I guess even here I'm skirting around things because I'm just not comfortable putting it all on the table. My therapist and G have heard it all...I'm very open with them about it.

Ok. Long and rambling. If you made it this far in a relatively pointless post, :beer:

[bullygirl979]

Sometimes it feels like when it rains it pours. I think it is good that you are in therapy even though it is difficult. Running away or avoiding issues is never a good thing in the long run.

Hugs! Take it one day at a time. And maybe do something nice for yourself every once in a while!

[blackkitty]

You're only as sick as your secrets.
It's hard to offer much advice because you didn't really say what the problem is... like why are you exhausted? Because of stuff you are talking about in therapy? Or do you have an issue with co-dependency?
I think you might get more helpful advice if you are more specific about what is wrong and why.

[wingingitinmotown]

Aug 28, 2012 14:14:29 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

You're only as sick as your secrets.
It's hard to offer much advice because you didn't really say what the problem is... like why are you exhausted? Because of stuff you are talking about in therapy? Or do you have an issue with co-dependency?
I think you might get more helpful advice if you are more specific about what is wrong and why.

I do have codependency issues, which I'm working on in therapy and with the book I mentioned. The very abbreviated version is that my mother is an alcoholic, which gave the CD it's roots. My father also has some issues with it, but he's functional, while my mom isn't. My mom was living with her parents for the last 20 years, now they have both passed and she is on her own, but doesn't know how to function as an adult, so she's drinking more. She's in an unhealthy relationship with another alcoholic, she has heart issues, isn't taking her meds or taking care of herself, etc. I'm wrestling with the thoughts of needing to let her be her own person and take care of herself and figure it out, and how I would feel if something happened and I didn't do anything about it. Does that make sense? My brother has gotten involved now too, so it just all feels more real I guess. I'm constantly worrying about her and every time the phone rings I'm expecting her to be in the hospital (it has happened 3 times since April...twice for heart issues, and one as a result of drinking/dehydration).

[bullygirl979]

Have you ever been to Al-Anon?

[blackkitty]

I would recommend Al-anon too if your biggest challenge is your mom being an alcoholic.
Try to tackle one thing at a time.

[wingingitinmotown]

Aug 28, 2012 14:24:36 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Have you ever been to Al-Anon?

I have been, but it's been a while. I've looked up meetings in my area, but I can never seem to make it to the 1 a week that's near me. I'm going to try to schedule around it next week.