Post by dr.girlfriend on Aug 28, 2012 18:54:51 GMT -5
She is being an ass. This "love me, love my kids" stuff is crap. You can't even talk to someone when they're wrangling kids! I get together with friends with kids my age for play dates. I also get together with friends (whether they have kids or not) without the kids, so we can *actually* have fun and do stuff. If she can't wrap her mind around that, she's an idiot.
I hate when people think they ALWAYS have to take their kids with them when they do things. It's not much fun to hang out with them when 90% of the time/attention is spent on disciplining the kid.
Just because you're neighbors, doesn't mean you have to be friends. This doesn't have anything to do with the kids, really. Like you, I'd rather sit in my undies and watch TV than walk around the neighborhood with the weirdo neighbor. And I have a kid.
If you want to continue being friends, I might go for a walk around the neighborhood a couple of times. It's relatively harmless.
But I'm totally against going over to friends houses to "see" their kids. I don't really care about your kid. I have one friend who doesn't talk to me or another girl in our circle anymore because we don't ooh and ahh and talk about how cute her kid is to her. Gag.
Post by kangaroo11 on Aug 28, 2012 18:57:24 GMT -5
People without kids shouldn't be required to be around them if they don't want to. I don't like kids, thus I don't spend time with them. I don't blame you especially since one kid sucks.
Post by atouchofklasse on Aug 28, 2012 19:01:48 GMT -5
You may have been friends for five years, but she isn't a very good friend to you given (a) she cancels on you and (b) wants you to do things you don't like to do (go to a farmers market w her three kids).
Meh, I don't get the big deal. I don't want to go for a walk with someone else's kids & I have 3. If I wanted to stay friends I'd make a joke about her canceling all the time (I'm passive aggressive) & give her a few more chances to do other stuff.
Post by gogadgetgo on Aug 28, 2012 19:04:03 GMT -5
I'd be honest with her. If you've been friends for 5 years, and if you want to be friends with her, you can tell her you want to spend adult only time with her. If not, then I'd be resigned to wave when I pass by her house.
It sounds like she's lonely, which isn't surprising given her habit of cancelling. You're not a jerk. She needs a few friends with kids. The only reason I really like spending time with my friends kids is because they entertain my kid.
Post by dr.girlfriend on Aug 28, 2012 19:10:14 GMT -5
DH has friends who I call "The Couple Whose Toddler Ate Their Brains." They are so freakin' attached to this kid. They never leave him, bring him everywhere whether it's appropriate or not, and cannot talk about a SINGLE SUBJECT without steering the conversation back to the kid within a few sentences. We went to a wedding and left our (same-age) toddler at home, and got a lot of "OMG, I could NEVER DO THAT!!!" I was SO tempted to say, "Maybe you should, then you'd have something else to talk about." There was a table of like 15 adults at breakfast after the wedding, and the mom came up, stood at the head of the table, and loudly announced, "Does anyone have a ball on their person? Jefferson (or whatever his name was, I forget) wants to play with a ball, and I don't have one." We all just stared at her, agape. I mean, what. the. fuck?!? Like someone is going to pull a ball out of their ass for the kid to play with? Obviously not, she was just peeved that we were having an adult conversation and not paying attention to her kid for a minute. Just weird. It's called balance, people!
I'd do the same if I were you. And I have a kid. And I'm a little jealous you can sit in your underwear on your couch and watch TV without having to do anything for anyone else...
Post by karinothing on Aug 28, 2012 19:11:54 GMT -5
Have you tried talking to her? Maybe mention that you want to hang out with her but you would like to do some things just the two of you (or well an adults only activity). I assume with three kids her head is in a different place and she may not necessarily realize that she only invites you to kids activities (I also am assuming she has a partner and/or child care that she can rely on).
Sometimes people need to be called out on their crap.
I don't think you're an asshole, and that's coming from someone with two kids. I don't ever assume that my single or married without kids give two shits about coming over to "see my baby" or that they want to know whatever kid crazy crap going on in my house (potty training/snack time/whatever). If they ask, great, come on over to the dark side, but I make time to see them w/o the rugrats. We meet for drinks after DH gets home for work or for pedis on the weekends.
Have you tried talking to her? Maybe mention that you want to hang out with her but you would like to do some things just the two of you (or well an adults only activity). I assume with three kids her head is in a different place and she may not necessarily realize that she only invites you to kids activities (I also am assuming she has a partner and/or child care that she can rely on).
Sometimes people need to be called out on their crap.
She knows I'm not big on children. She knows this. She has known this for years.
Then can you just tell her that? Remind her that your distaste for spending your free time w/kids does actually include HER kids?
Have you tried talking to her? Maybe mention that you want to hang out with her but you would like to do some things just the two of you (or well an adults only activity). I assume with three kids her head is in a different place and she may not necessarily realize that she only invites you to kids activities (I also am assuming she has a partner and/or child care that she can rely on).
Sometimes people need to be called out on their crap.
She knows I'm not big on children. She knows this. She has known this for years.
I think even if she knows that you aren't big on kids in general, she probably doesn't realize that this means HER children. I know it sounds odd, but like I have a friend that essentially hates kids. When I had a kid, I thought "there is no way he wouldn't want to see my kid" yeah, I was wrong. He still hates kids, even my kids lol.
And obviously I know you don't hate kids, but I am assuming she thinks that her bundles of joy are different. I would just tell her that you would like to hang out without the kids (assuming you want to keep your friendship alive).
With that follow up comment she does sounds lonely.
How old are the kids? You might have said, but I don't pay attention that closely. As a child-haver myself, I will totally agree that kids of a certain age are a big, giant pain in the ass, and she probably just wants to have someone else there to diffuse the crazy. However, you aren't obligated to be that person.
Tell her that you'll be ready to hang out when her kids are ready to do some REAL shopping. (I have an almost 8 year old, and she can out-shop me. Not talking toys r us either. Real stores.)