I'm going to have to go to the Farmer's Market, aren't I?
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.
Ha, I don't think you have to go to the farmer's market. I just think you need to tell her how you feel! If you want to avoid talking about it, then yes I suppose you need to go to the farmer's market if you want to keep up the friendship. But then I am putting the blame on you ;D
You may have been friends for five years, but she isn't a very good friend to you given (a) she cancels on you and (b) wants you to do things you don't like to do (go to a farmers market w her three kids).
I also vote non-asshole. But if you do want to try to reconnect with her maybe suggest she bring just the baby because 2 month olds don't argue or run into traffic so it would be less annoying for you I imagine to go on a walk with them.
and she probably sees how much you love your niece and nephew since you hang out with them weekly and assumes you would want to do the same with her kids.
How old are the kids? You might have said, but I don't pay attention that closely. As a child-haver myself, I will totally agree that kids of a certain age are a big, giant pain in the ass, and she probably just wants to have someone else there to diffuse the crazy. However, you aren't obligated to be that person.
Tell her that you'll be ready to hang out when her kids are ready to do some REAL shopping. (I have an almost 8 year old, and she can out-shop me. Not talking toys r us either. Real stores.)
You really underestimate my fear of children.
Ha! I must! My kid is like a little adult though. I also only have one. Makes rearing non-frightening kids a little easier.
And obviously I know you don't hate kids, but I am assuming she thinks that her bundles of joy are different. I would just tell her that you would like to hang out without the kids (assuming you want to keep your friendship alive).
With that follow up comment she does sounds lonely.
The truth is it's her kids. In fact, a few Nexties witnessed the mayhem at my Super Bowl party. In contrast, the Nexties' kids were lovely.
But, yes, I think she is lonely. And that's why this is sad.
WHY WON'T SHE HAVE A MEAL WITH ME?
Ha ha. Well, then my only final answer is that for whatever reason she seems to feel she can't trust her husband and doesn't have child care otherwise?
Post by dr.girlfriend on Aug 28, 2012 19:39:07 GMT -5
And this will be my totally unpopular opinion, but why do people who seem so unhappy with the kids they have go on to have more and more kids? I see it on the mom board I'm on all the time. "My life is a disaster! And I want to TTC our fourth!" I don't get it. It's like, "Oh no! My house is on fire! Does anyone have a torch I can throw on there?"
Ha ha. Well, then my only final answer is that for whatever reason she seems to feel she can't trust her husband and doesn't have child care otherwise?
This is my new suspicion.
She probably feels trapped and overworked and is trying to hang on to a friendship with you by inviting you to join her while she runs errands. If she has 3 kids and a worthless husband, it's entirely possible that there just aren't enough hours in the day for her right now.
It doesn't make you an asshole, but this is her life right now. It sucks. Take it or leave it.
You may have been friends for five years, but she isn't a very good friend to you given (a) she cancels on you and (b) wants you to do things you don't like to do (go to a farmers market w her three kids).
I think she's the type who does everything with her kids (either because she wants to or because her H doesn't step up to take them off her hands), and she expects everyone to just roll with it. In her mind, she's multi-tasking by spending time with you AND her kids. Not saying it's right, just trying to figure out her insight.
Is she the type of friend where you could be blunt and say, "Hey, I'd love to spend time with just you"?
Post by UnderProtest on Aug 28, 2012 20:19:40 GMT -5
It sounds like she is lonely and still trying to be a perfect mom by spending time with her kids so she tries to lump things together. If she is the primary breadwinner she probably feels like she should spend her non working time with her kids, but then also wants someone to talk to (I know, easier said than done with three kids around, but its the idea) without a large group. Given that, it seems you either go to the farmers market (there might be some jams or sauces that would interest you) or talk to her about it and hope for the best. I'm guessing the farmers market would be much easier despite your dislike of kids and unprepared food.
Yeah, I don't think you're an asshole here. If she knew you at all she'd know that you're not a kiddo kind of gal, unless they're well-behaved, like mine, and even then, probably in small doses. ;-)
And for what it's worth, I already told Brent that we'll have to get our sitter lined up when you come to town so he and I can join you for a swanky adults-only meal somewhere in Portland! (Assuming you'll want to have us as your dinner dates.)
Totally not an asshole. I had a friend that upon getting custody of her kid would invite me shopping just as an excuse to pawn her (crazypants, authority ignoring hell-child) son off on me while she shopped for makeup and hair crap. Totally not friends anymore because I got effing sick of every hangout time ever including the kid (while she had a perfectly capable husband at home to take him off her hands for a couple hours).
I missed the OP, but from what I can piece together I don't think you're being an asshole. And that comment about wishing you were stuck at home like her seems tinged with bitterness about her own choices in life.
DH has friends who I call "The Couple Whose Toddler Ate Their Brains." They are so freakin' attached to this kid. They never leave him, bring him everywhere whether it's appropriate or not, and cannot talk about a SINGLE SUBJECT without steering the conversation back to the kid within a few sentences. We went to a wedding and left our (same-age) toddler at home, and got a lot of "OMG, I could NEVER DO THAT!!!" I was SO tempted to say, "Maybe you should, then you'd have something else to talk about." There was a table of like 15 adults at breakfast after the wedding, and the mom came up, stood at the head of the table, and loudly announced, "Does anyone have a ball on their person? Jefferson (or whatever his name was, I forget) wants to play with a ball, and I don't have one." We all just stared at her, agape. I mean, what. the. fuck?!? Like someone is going to pull a ball out of their ass for the kid to play with? Obviously not, she was just peeved that we were having an adult conversation and not paying attention to her kid for a minute. Just weird. It's called balance, people!
We have friends of friends like this. They talk about their 2yo daughter ALL THE TIME. It's become a running joke between DH and I- we'll just bring up their daughter at random times, "I wonder how Kate feels about Sir Richard on Downton Abbey" or "Knob's Creek is Kate's favorite bourbon".