How do you help your child make friends?

[sherbanator]

My daughter is 7 years old. We lived in one Area until just after her 7th birthday and we both had great friends there. Tons of people to hang out with, I had close friends with kids the same age as her, and no shortage of invitations of things to do.

We moved to Colorado a few months after school started here and neither of us have been able to even start to make connections like the ones we had in Washington . I'm feeling really guilty because I handle it just fine but as a 7 year old I know she is having a hard time adjusting. She is social and has made friends in school but nothing out of school hours. She loves to do kids nite out and kids paint clubs and things like that so I take her to those things but I know she feels bad that she doesn't have friends to go with anymore and at this age everyone has their own group ask already.

I just feel bad, it was easy when she was young. I met lifelong friends on mom/kid meetup groups but now that she's older and I work weekends I'm not sure how to help her make more meaningful connections in a brand new place. Any advice? I guess I'm just feeling a maJor dose of mom guilt.

[thebuddhagouda]

I don't know, but I'm right there with you. We moved this summer after he'd been in the same church and same preschool for 5 years and had "lifelong" friends at both who knew him and had history.

He has friends at school now, but we don't have that weekend social get together type vibe with anyone yet, and I know he misses it and misses the belonging of knowing the same kids for years.

I keep telling myself time will get him there again.

[wannabe]

my kid has tons of friends through her regular weekly extracurricular activities. is your daughter doing sports, dance, gymnastics, girl scouts or something like that?

[jeaniebueller]

That is tough. I think it just takes time. Does she have any friends that she talks about that you could take the initiative to schedule a playdate? Does she have a birthday coming up to have some classmates over for a party? Or you could just throw a little movie night party anyway? How about signing her up for activities where she will see the same kids regularly? And if it makes you feel better, my DS is also 7 and has many friends at school, but we rarely do playdates with kids other than my friend's kids. Mostly because I don't know the other parents.

[nsl]

We also moved when my son had just gotten out of first grade, and he had a lot of anxiety about meeting new friends. I took the initiative to invite some kids from his class to our house for playdates, and those friendships have really begun to blossom.

[ijack]

Where do you live? I know lots of people in different parts of the state and may be able to help you find someone

[cleo29]

I think if they see how you make new friends it can help. I would look to social things through school or your community.

[Deleted]

Is she in regularly scheduled extracurricular activities outside of school? Dance, sports, art, music, etc?

I moved a lot as a kid and I always made friends that way outside of school. It was easy to make friends who had a common interest. 

[melissa]

I'd second extra curricular activities. My DD is involved in girl scouts and likes to play sports. This allows her to meet kids and I get to meet the parents at the same time to see if we could build a friendship.

[DarcyLongfellow]

I'd start setting up playdates. 7 is still young enough for playdates where the parents stay, so that should help both of you.

Do you have contact information for her classmates? I'd email the whole class, or just the girls, and set up a playdate at a playground or something. Well, if you're in Colorado, maybe it's too cold for a playground now, but something free and that can handle a large group of people.

You could also start setting up one on one playdates with friends she has connected with at school.

I wouldn't assume that by age 7 all the kids have a group of friends that they aren't looking to expand. My oldest is in first grade, and even though we've lived in the same place the whole time she's been in school, she didn't really know anyone in her class at the beginning of the year. Extracurricular activities can help, especially if you make the same effort to set up times for the kids to hang out outside of that activity.

[Captain Serious]

Yup, playdates. Invite kids over and out with you to do fun things. Have her join clubs and/or sports through school/town where she might meet kids with similar interests.

I'm going through this with my kids for the second time. It's tough at first, but it will happen.

[pagas]

Playdates!

[Gato]

It's hard but it will happen. We moved when my daughter was 6. Now she's about to turn 8, and has lots of friends here. I get feeling out of the loop and being bummed because you had tight friends in your old community. It takes a few years to get back to that place, but the more you put yourself out into the new community, the faster it will come.

Ask your DD who she would most like to see outside of school, then figure out how to contact the parents about a play date. Or maybe find a Saturday activity she'd like to do, then socialize with parents at pick up and drop off. Kids' social circles still seem really fluid at this age, so if your daughter is a social person she will be fine.

[formerlyak]

I think you should put less stock in "already established groups" at this age.

Second grade? That is when ds met his best friend. They didn't really know each other in first grade, but were put in the same class for second grade and hit it off. I figured out who his mom was and went up to her at a school function, introduced myself and said, "I hear our boys really like hanging out. Maybe we can get them together on a weekend sometime?" We exchanged numbers then and there and have been doing things together since. And this family already had an established group of like 3 families they do a lot with, but that didn't seem to detour them from also doing stuff with us.

Third grade? He met another really good friend of his. They knew of each other in previous years, but became better friends when they were in the same class in third grade. I got his mom's email off the class roster and just sent her an email, introducing myself and asking if they wanted to get together.

I know we've had a few new girls in our class over the years also, and I am friends with some of those parents now, and they did the same thing.

Ask your dd who she likes to play with at school. Who does she eat lunch with? Then ask if she wants you to call or email that mom to invite them to the next paint night.

[memenee]

If she want to do those kids nite out things then you should be the instigator. Email all the moms of girls in the class, let them know the date and time and see who's in! Good luck, mama!