People are assholes.

[hisno1girl]

I have a very sweet young friend who is like a daughter to me.

On Christmas Eve she going out her father had terminal lung cancer.

This past Monday he was sent home with hospice. He died on Thursday.

While most prior have been supportive and kind, there are so many people that keep asking if her dad was a smoker.

WHAT DOES IT MATTER???

Like if he smoked, then he deserved to get cancer and die?

I'm seeing these comments and I can imagine that it's like salt in a very fresh and open wound.

My friend recently got engaged and was in the process of moving her wedding up so her Dad could give her away and he didn't even last long enough for that.

FUCK CANCER.

[usuallylurking]

Very common. My mom had an unexplainable-ish cancer, particularly for her age. People didn't like that there wasn't an answer that was obvious for why she would be sick.

So sorry for your friend. Fuck cancer indeed.

[eb777888]

Jan 16, 2016 11:57:21 GMT -5 usuallylurking said:

Very common. My mom had an unexplainable-ish cancer, particularly for her age. People didn't like that there wasn't an answer that was obvious for why she would be sick.

Exactly. I think people are asking because it will somehow make them feel better that he was a smoker.

So many things I've seen on Facebook regarding death are pretty amazing.

[isabel]

I'm really sorry.

[readyin07]

I am very sorry for your friend. My mom smokes, just can't give it up and I am super sensitive to these types of comments.

I do think to some degree it is human nature. Like you WANT that person to have smoked bc you can't stand the thought of being vulnerable to a horrific disease like that just at random with no "risk" factors. But then they make it seem like so much more of a tragic death if the person didn't smoke.

Ugh. So long story short people are assholes, you are correct.

[RamblingRose]

Yes. People are assholes. And I'm sorry for your friend.

[fernweh]

Honestly, I have been hearing of more and more cases of people with lung cancer that have never smoked a day in their lives. It used to be a 'smoker's disease' so I think it helps reassure them that they are 'safe' if person was a smoker. Insensitive, yes but...

[cabbagecabbage]

I am so sorry. While it's human nature to wonder and try to mentally explain tragedy, it is NOT ok to ask about details of a freshly grieving family.

[mcsangel2]

I would post something pointing out how inconsiderate and hurtful those comments are. Those people should be called out on it.

[mich1]

Jan 16, 2016 12:03:44 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

I am very sorry for your friend. My mom smokes, just can't give it up and I am super sensitive to these types of comments.

I do think to some degree it is human nature. Like you WANT that person to have smoked bc you can't stand the thought of being vulnerable to a horrific disease like that just at random with no "risk" factors. But then they make it seem like so much more of a tragic death if the person didn't smoke.

Ugh. So long story short people are assholes, you are correct.

This.  My mom did die of lung cancer due to smoking.  Smoking makes this horrific disease explainable to many people's brains.

[cleo29]

I am so sorry for your friend's loss. How heartbreaking

[rosiebear]

I am so sorry.

Another people are assholes anecdote: a woman I worked with was in a wheelchair. At a party, I saw someone ask her how she got paralyzed (bad enough, right?). When she responded that it was a car accident, the woman asked "Were you drunk driving?" WTF.

[RamblingRose]

Jan 16, 2016 14:27:40 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

I am so sorry.

Another people are assholes anecdote: a woman I worked with was in a wheelchair. At a party, I saw someone ask her how she got paralyzed (bad enough, right?). When she responded that it was a car accident, the woman asked "Were you drunk driving?" WTF.

Wait, what? 

[melmel48]

Unfortunately it seems to be a common question. My grandmother died when my mom was 12 from lung cancer. When I tell people that the first thing out is "Oh. Did she smoke?" 

I am so sorry for your friends loss.

[rosiebear]

Jan 16, 2016 14:30:39 GMT -5 RamblingRose said:

Jan 16, 2016 14:27:40 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

I am so sorry.

Another people are assholes anecdote: a woman I worked with was in a wheelchair. At a party, I saw someone ask her how she got paralyzed (bad enough, right?). When she responded that it was a car accident, the woman asked "Were you drunk driving?" WTF.

Wait, what? 

Isn't that crazy? It was at a party put on by a social agency here in town for people who are disabled and their aides, so maybe the woman felt like it was ok to ask blunt questions? Nah, she was still an asshole.

[hisno1girl]

Jan 16, 2016 13:54:53 GMT -5 mcsangel2 said:

I would post something pointing out how inconsiderate and hurtful those comments are. Those people should be called out on it.

I wouldn't want to start a pissing match on this poor girl's FB page where she's grieving her father.

[liverandonions]

A work acquaintance's wife died this week a few weeks shy of her 34th birthday. Another mutual friend posted about it on Facebook to inform people in regards to privacy for the family and about funeral arrangements etc. someone said "when will the cause of her death be provided?" Why is it any of your business and certainly not on Facebook.

[macmars45]

My grandma died of lung cancer in 1999. She never smoked. No one asked me (I was 13 when she died) if she smoked. They probably did ask my parents and aunts/uncles though.

Sorry for her loss.  Cancer sucks no matter the circumstances. :N:

[nursewife]

Lung cancer is so cruel. I hate the stigma that the patient is to blame for it.

[cjcouple]

Jan 17, 2016 13:36:48 GMT -5 nursewife said:

Lung cancer is so cruel. I hate the stigma that the patient is to blame for it.

This.

My dad got lung cancer and was a smoker BUT the cancer was not from smoking. It was on the outside of the lung and they found out it was most likely from that agent orange they used when he was in Vietnam.
He thankfully survived and is in remission. And the military paid for his treatment and he now gets disability from them.

[MarmeeNoir]

My mom had small cell lung cancer and adeno carcinoma. I never tell people about the lung cancer. I'm not trying to prison for killing someone for insinuating that she deserved it.

[callmehales]

I went OFF on a guy at work when I worked in tv, because we were running a story about colon canicer rates and he said some bullshit about how most people got it because of eating crap and not taking care of themselves. My grandpa died when I was 9 from colon cancer and I went berserk on this asshole.

[dojo]

I feel so terrible for this young girl I also think that people like to breathe a sigh of relief if they can attribute cancer to something they don't do themselves.. No matter how irrational it is.

[dojo]

Jan 16, 2016 15:19:11 GMT -5 liverandonions said:

A work acquaintance's wife died this week a few weeks shy of her 34th birthday. Another mutual friend posted about it on Facebook to inform people in regards to privacy for the family and about funeral arrangements etc. someone said "when will the cause of her death be provided?" Why is it any of your business and certainly not on Facebook.

This is truly disgusting. Someone died, it's not a Lularoe flash sale - be sure to check back at 8pm est for details!

[curtains]

My dad died from lung cancer. I have heard it more times than I can count.

I walk for Free to Breathe and donate where I can. Maybe you could do something like that for her?


Eta. Www.freetobreathe.org, if you are local to Philly I have friends that will help you set it up and we could walk together