For the sake of my marriage

[floridakat]

I just need to put this somewhere. My stepdaughter is twenty. The saga of her first car was epic. Mom and g-parents promised to match her funds on her first car, then bailed at the last minute. MIL stepped in and helped her buy the POS she was set on.

It needed a ton of work, so we and MIL helped her out. Then she promptly got rear ended, the car was totaled, and insurance didn't pay jack shit. I told her to submit receipts for all the recent improvements, but she didn't.

So she was going to buy a $1000 piece of crap to drive between home and campus in a snow-ridden state.

I didn't like the idea of her stranded on the side of the road, so we bought me a new, used car and paid to have my car shipped several states away to her. It was worth about $9000 at the time. We told her all we asked was that she handle tax, registration, title and insurance. It was her high school graduation present from us.

She totaled it on Sunday. Weather related, not her fault. Except she didn't have collision on it, so her $6000ish car is now going to cost her money to tow to a junk yard.

Ugh.

Of course there are a million details. I'm just fuming at the situation and needed to vent. My H apparently doesn't understand how car insurance works, and thinks I'm being hard on her for not insuring properly.

Is it crazy to expect someone with a modest income but no significant expenses to carry collision on a car worth several thousand dollars?

[floridakat]

Yes, I'm sorry. Of course that is the most important detail. She is fine, or I wouldn't be concerned at all with the rest of this shit.

[bonnie]

You are right to be passed. She was handed a $9000 car and didn't take the proper steps to insure it correctly. That's crazy to me.

Out of curiosity,how did the crash happen?

[MrsAggie]

Is it not the law to carry car insurance? It is here in Texas.

I completely understand why you're so frustrated.

[VeryViolet]

God I was so freaking dumb and naive at 20 I can totally see how this happened. This would not make me any less pissed as her stepmom in this situation. I am glad she is okay and I hope at the very least she learns from this situation.

[floridakat]

Jan 20, 2016 23:56:42 GMT -5 bonnie said:

You are right to be passed. She was handed a $9000 car and didn't take the proper steps to insure it correctly. That's crazy to me.

Out of curiosity,how did the crash happen?

What we were told was that she hit a patch of ice and had to choose between a major intersection and a pole. She chose the pole.

[floridakat]

Jan 20, 2016 23:57:41 GMT -5 MrsAggie said:

Is it not the law to carry car insurance? It is here in Texas.

I completely understand why you're so frustrated.

She has to carry insurance, but collision is optional. It's not unusual to drop it if your car isn't worth anything, but I happen to think this car was still worth insuring.

[floridakat]

My H wants to buy her another car. We can afford it, but at some point I think she needs to deal with this on her own.

She's going to be back at a $1000 POS without our help. What a fucking waste of money.

[isabel]

I'd be pissed, but mostly at your H for not making sure she understood this was something she needed. I was reasonably independent in college, but I think this is still something my parents would have walked me through. I mean, she insured the car, yes? It's possible I knew about the different types of insurance at the age of 20, but very possible I didn't.

[nicbreeful]

Why didn't she have collision on it?

I know that a lot of my friends only had liability on their cars because they just couldn't afford more.

[bonnie]

Jan 21, 2016 0:03:58 GMT -5 floridakat said:

My H wants to buy her another car. We can afford it, but at some point I think she needs to deal with this on her own.

Uh, what? How's that going to teach her a lesson?

I can understand how she made a mistake of not having the right coverage as insurance can be confusing. It would still piss me off though because it was a big mistake, but not one you and your H should be fixing.

[FrozenSunshine]

I'm glad she's okay. I'm sorry it wasn't properly insured. Is there a happy medium between the $1000 POS and a newer car? Her track record isn't great here.

I was overly cautious and paid for full coverage on my vehicle for way too long (Wish you could pay this forward!), because to me it is priceless. It's a bare bones vehicle that I financed when I was 17... I'm 33 and still drive it.

[verycontrary247]

My parents gave me a car when I was 15. It was my responsibility to insure it, pay taxes/registration on it etc.

I'm still driving that car 11 years later.

My brother got a free car too, same stipulations, and he totaled it. He did not receive another free car, despite the fact that my parents could definitely afford it.

Just saying.

[hopecounts]

Jan 21, 2016 0:25:32 GMT -5 mooselovah said:

That sucks.  But she has options.  The bus.

stop buying cars.  She's 20. 

Many places don't have a bus system so bussing it may not be an option.
I live in a college town without one. If you don't live on campus (which has an internal bus) you have to drive or walk.
Uber or Taxis may be her only alternative to a car if she isn't walking distance to job and campus.

[partyinmytummy]

I'm definitely just a lurkey-loo, but I say let her buy the $1000.00 POS. Pay for her to have a AAA membership to give you guys some peace of mind about her being stranded.

[amberlyrose]

Does she need a car to get around her college town or just to see her mom?

[flamingeaux]

Is she asking you guys to provide her a new car? Was she specifically told she had to carry collision insurance? If she wasn't told specifically to carry collision I don't think I'd be angry at her. She may have understood it was her responsibility to take care of all the legal requirements for the car which it sounds like she did.
Also just how modest of an income are we talking? What are the rates for liability vs collision in the state where she goes to school?

[jenna]

My parents helped my brother and me with our first cars.

I would offer to help her provided your H goes over the insurance requirements with his daughter, and she maintains a minimum amount of coverage that he stipulates.

I would probably help pick out something reliable like a gently used Honda.

I would not want my child to drive around in a POS car.

A lot of this would also depend upon whether she is in school (and doing well, aka not coasting/failing) and working to some degree so she can pay insurance & upkeep. If possible, I would have her pay something towards the car, too.

For a straight A Full Time college student and/or FT worker- I would be a little more lenient.
For a 20 year old sitting on the couch playing video games all day - I would be more strict.

[WOUNDTIGHT]

It sounds like your SD just learned a life lesson on the importance of insurance.

And honestly, no. If you wreck 2 cars by the time you are 20, you don't get a third. That's like, the definition of insanity. Even if it wasn't her fault either time, them's the breaks, kid.

[CurlyQ284]

There is no way I would buy a third car. No. Way.

[sushi]

Why didn't she carry the extra insurance? Was she in college full time and legit couldn't afford it? Was she working a min wage job and also couldn't afford it? Did she have the money and choose to spend it elsewhere?

I think there a point where parents need to realize it's their own responsibly if they didn't teach their young adults about why insurance is necessary. And how much coverage they should carry. And what the coverage means. It's confusing!

[RoxMonster]

I do think your H should have explained the types of insurance to her and told her what she should have. I don't know that I would have known the ins and outs of that at 20. I mean, I knew I Had to have car insurance, but my parents very graciously paid my car insurance until after college, and when I took over, I just knew I Had "good insurance" and paid the bill. I obviously know more now.

Having said all of that, I don't think you need to buy her another car. I mean, buying a car for your children is never a requirement or a given. I know plenty of my friends who have never had a car purchased for them. Even as a teen with not a lot of income, it was borrow the family car if available or save up and buy your own. That doesn't mean I think parents shouldn't buy their kids a car if they want to. My parents did, and I'm forever grateful. I just don't think you should feel obligated when you have already provided her with two cars.

[Deleted]

If she wasn't taught about insurance coverage I really feel for her. I just got new auto insurance yesterday & even though I'd done it before, I asked the agent a million questions about coverage. But if you don't know what to ask and the agent tells you collision & comprehensive are optional, you're just going to look at how much money you can save, since they're usually a third of the premium. I dropped both on my 14yo car yesterday and my premium went down $500.

Can you loan her some money and set up a repayment plan instead of just paying for another car? Even a $2500 car is going to be more reliable than a $1k car.

[Jalapeñomel]

I would not be purchasing a new vehicle.

[floridakat]

I'm sorry, I fell asleep last night. :-)

Short answers. She needs a car for work and school, and to drive to her mom's on weekend (not my concern).

She's a good student. She has a decent $10/hr part time job.

We pay tuition, housing and books.

I think the insurance mistake is probably on her mom. Until she started college we were dealing with a pretty good case of parental alienation and were left out of all decisions.

When her mom hung her out to dry when her first semester tuition bill hit, we became involved. We are finally in a place to teach these life lessons.

H overcompensates when it comes to her. I waver between trying to stay out of it and trying to make him see that indulging her isn't teaching her any important lessons at this point.

[auntie]

I'm glad she's OK.

I'm sorry your car got totaled, but I kind of see this as a parenting fail. This kind of life knowledge isn't taught in school- either parents walk the child through once or twice or the kid learns from natural consequences. I walked my 33 year old niece through buying/insuring her first car a couple years ago. She's a bright girl, but never needed a car before.

Your SD is 20 and 20 is just a kid. Even if she did turn down collision when offered, it could be this was a kind of "white elephant" situation where she was given a gift that was beyond her means to properly care for. DS is in a similar situation- good kid, college student working PT, etc. I still verify that he's making sensible choices.

Maybe dad should have driven it out and helped her with the paperwork. If she couldn't afford the collision portion, maybe it made sense to add it until she can. Or you could have just given her use of the car without transferring it to her ownership which likely would have kept the insurance much lower given her age.

[usm]

Is it possible for her to be added to your insurance and she pays you? When I was young and totaled 2 cars my mom dropped me from her insurance and I started pricing private policies, I honestly could not afford collision on my PT job pay. My dad added me to his so it was much cheaper but I sent him $100 a month for my portion. It wasn't a free ride but it was realistic.

[Eagles]

It's unfortunate, but it's a life lesson. I would not be giving her a third car. If anything, offer help with selecting and paying for insurance so that she's covered properly. By that, I mean "we'll chip in the extra $500 a year to carry comp and collision."

[CurlyQ284]

If there was parental alienation going on, I get why your husband wants to give her another car. I still agree with you, but that really sucks. I'm sorry

[bonnie]

Jan 21, 2016 6:31:23 GMT -5 @fkasmace said:

ETA: and i get the accidents aren't her fault but that's a lot in a short time span. Makes me wonder what she's doing behind the wheel and if she's not quite paying attention which leads to the accidents. I've seen where people stop short b/c they're texting or doing their hair, or just in la la land and the person behind, still at fault b/c they're the second car, doesn't react quick enough and boom. accident.

Agreed. I have a friend who got in three crashes that weren't her fault legally speaking. However, in all three cases she took an action prior to the crash that made the crash more likely.

Also, this crash was her fault. It's a tough situation becuase ice is tricky and winter weather conditions can change quickly. Ultimately though, she was driving too fast for the conditions if she wasn't able to stop her car safely. I don't think you need give a massive lecture or anything because it's a mistake that can made easily, but I think a refresher on safe winter driving would be a good idea.