5 yr old perfectionist

[usm]

Is this common? C has always been particular about things, he likes things to work properly and be right. I find he gets overwhelmed sometimes when they aren't, like a toy needs batteries and we don't have the right kind right then. He changes all the batteries in his own toys now. When he does homework he is very focused on writing neatly but he ends up erasing his own name so many times because it's not perfect. He is also a typical mess and it doesn't seem to be in every aspect of his life.

I came to a head yesterday at a store when the chains to direct you in line weren't all clipped the same way. He was very upset when I made him leave and just kept showing me "But they aren't right! "

He has the engineer's mind and I have never been concerned until yesterday. I don't want it to control his life.

[cjcouple]

I'm no expert but it doesn't seem particularly abnormal but it does sound a "little" more intense than I have experienced. My kids don't like being interrupted in the middle of a project so I can see them getting frustrated/upset if they were pulled away in the middle of a project. I've had the tears come after little brother is frustrated he is losing in a game so he wrecks the game before they are done. Then they both cry...oy

Have you spoken with his teacher? Has she seen anything to be concerned on her end with his school work?

I'd probably just keep an eye on it. If it starts to intensify more maybe make a call

[abs]

DD is a perfectionist when it comes to doing things.

She didn't walk until she was over 15 months. Not because she couldn't, but because she didn't want to until she could do it without falling down. I seriously watched her walk across her crib on the monitor for months before she did it in front of me. Then she walked across the room without wobbling and started running the next day.

She did the same thing for talking. No one word sentences for this kid. She just didn't speak at all until she could talk in paragraphs.

I full expect her to refuse to read for me but practice under covers at night. She dislikes writing because she is not good at it.

Her perfectionism stems from anxiety. Things like what you are describing though would not bother her and don't seem to be perfectionism as much as rigidity in the way of thinking.

[CrazyLucky]

DS is five and is somewhat like you describe, maybe a slightly lesser extent. DH is very much a perfectionist, to the point he gets that comment in performance reviews. "perfectionism is the enemy of progress." So far it hasn't been a huge issue with DS, but as for whether it's normal - I don't know. I'm constantly asking myself if DS is normal, because I have no other kids on which to gauge normal.

Have you seen the "knack" dilberts?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8vHhgh6oM0

[momin2013]

Disclaimer: not an expert.

I think this is one of those things that has a sliding scale of "normal". I think the key is how much the importance of "things being right" affects a person's ability to live a normal day-to-day life. I, for example, am quite certain I have some level of OCD; I double or triple check locks on doors, need things to be positioned a certain way on my bedside table or the kitchen counter, sometimes need to add things up to a certain number in my head, etc. All things that are similar to that idea of things "being right". And just like I have certain things that need to be "right", I know there are other things that other people need to be right that I wouldn't even notice. So in your son's case, it was the chain clips that bugged him.

I think it would become an issue if he were consumed with so many things being "right" that it was something he needed to focus on all day that resulted in him not being able to attend to normal, everyday things. Even though I do have a handful of things I obsess about, it's not enough that it gets in the way of everyday life. If your DS is like that, in that he maybe has something here and there that he wants to "fix", I don't think that's a huge issue, as long as he can function knowing which things he CAN fix, such as, lining his cars up in a row at home (fixable) vs. taking a chain apart at a store to fix it (not fixable, because it would result in a social issue because you can't just go around taking things apart in public spaces).

Not sure if that made sense; just trying to compare it to how I feel about certain things, and knowing that I would indeed still classify myself as "normal" and am still able to function perfectly fine in everyday life. I think it's perfectly fine to desire a certain level of perfection with some things, or have certain things that irk you if they're not right, etc. I think it's something to just keep an eye on and make sure it doesn't start increasing, or affecting his everyday life. If it does, I would definitely mention it to his pedi as it's something you'd want to nip in the bud if necessary.

Tl;dr: I think he's probably just fine, but I'd keep an eye on it.

[Kcthepouchh8r]

My oldest is typically developing and does this. He didn't talk until late because he had to perfect it. He gets frustrated when he can't do something but is easily redirected with the explanation of our brain is a muscle, it gets bigger and stronger when we try things that are hard, etc.

As someone else said its something to be concerned with when it impacts everyday functioning. I would ask his teacher about it and see how she/he reacts. That will help decide whether it's just a personality trait or something that should be explored further.

[usm]

He has been in speech since 15 months and still goes for articulation. He said his first words around 2.5 but didn't "talk my ear off" until over 4. He'd say what he didn't to say but wouldn't just talk for fun. We also have the same problem with reading @penguingrl . But he is great at math so he does that without much discussion. He did walk/ run early but I think he just stood up and went, he never toddled or practiced.

Thank yall! I think it is typical for his personality now but I will keep an eye on it. It was right after school when he is emotional anyway.