If you and your SO have seperate bedrooms...

[shamrockshake]

OMG I would LOVE it if we did. I go to bed hours before DH does and no matter how quiet he is when he comes in it wakes me up. Every couple weeks I ask him to sleep on the couch or in dd's spare bed so I can get a full night uninterrupted. Separate rooms would help our marriage for sure

[WOUNDTIGHT]

We have a guest bedroom with a queen bed(and very rarely have overnight guests) so that room is generally the cleanest in the house, as it gets basically no use.

Every once and a while either I or my husband will sleep in there just to be able to stretch out/sleep without hearing H snoring/the other is sick/what have you. I always find it a nice respite but I find after a night or two apart I miss having him in bed with me.

[Deleted]

This is the same problem you've had with your DP all along. A separate bedroom 98% of the time won't make it better.

[VeryViolet]

I think there are not many times where separate bedrooms is a good idea. I think this is even more true when you are doing it to just gloss over a serious issue. Having your own room isn't going to make you less pissed that DP doesn't pick up her shit or do the dishes.

I understand the need to have your own space and I am not minimizing that. I love when I get to sleep in the middle of the bed and watch bad tv without interruption. I don't love it enough to want to have it every night at the expense of the time I have with DH right before bed or first thing in the morning where we can just chat, catch up, cuddle, or whatever to connect.

[cleo29]

For me, other than health issues, I think this could lead to more problems than solve them. But, maybe that is just me.

I think you need to really working on the real issue with your partner. Sorry.

[isabel]

There's a lot of percentages in that OP.

I have no opinion on separate bedrooms.

[ally]

We do it to improve our (my) sleep, as DH is a snorer.  Being able to get a good night's sleep improves our marriage, because I am kinder when I am well rested!  There is no other underlying issue about these arrangements.   

[Deleted]

My parents have had separate bedrooms as long as I can remember. They hate each other and I have no idea why they're married.

I don't think that's going to solve your problems. You'll end up being roommates and you'll keep resenting the mess.

[Deleted]

We sleep in the same bed but we have different bedrooms and bathrooms. It's the best. I don't care how messy his bedroom/bathroom is and it gives us space and privacy.

[amandakisser]

During pregnancy, I've often thought of having separate sleeping arrangements from my H because I sleep like SHIT and having him in the bed with me makes it worse (I feel every movement on my sore body, he sweats a ton and I'm already overheated, etc). BUT, there are no issues in our marriage so it would have just been temporary for my own health/sanity. I think if you're doing it for reasons other than a medical/health issue or purely to help BOTH of you sleep better at night, then it will cause more problems in the long term.

[Deleted]

H and I sleep separate often. Usually him with DS and me with DD. Because sleep is better than no sleep and in the end that is what we are aiming for overnight. LOL.

But it has nothing to do with what you are talking about. I would be annoyed too.

[lizard1131]

We have had separate bedrooms for 10 years (entire marriage.) I snore! We both sleep better and I like having my own space. I like decorating my room etc.

[BaliHai]

H and I have separate sleeping arrangements, and it has mostly affected our sex life, so yes, it's hurt our marriage in a way. However, I think we have a mutual understanding that everything is still in flux for us right now, so there's no resentment because it's temporary, but it does suck sometimes.

[fiddles]

Jan 22, 2016 12:19:48 GMT -5 ally said:

We do it to improve our (my) sleep, as DH is a snorer.  Being able to get a good night's sleep improves our marriage, because I am kinder when I am well rested!  There is no other underlying issue about these arrangements.   

This is us too. Even with ear plugs DH's snoring is way too loud and I don't get a decent sleep. So during the week, separate bedrooms.  When I don't have to care about getting up at a certain time we are in the same bedroom.  

[sapphireblue]

I almost always sleep on our living room pull out couch during the work week. I sleep with my boyfriend when I don't have to get up early for work. My exH and I often slept separately because he was a horrible, loud snorer and a night owl that would come to bed, loudly, at around 4 am.

I don't think it has to mean anything bad for a relationship or have negative consequences. When people would get judgy about it with me, I'd tell them that being well-rested was a lot better for my relationship and our sex life.

I just read an article about this: www.nytimes.com/2016/01/10/fashion/sleep-marriage-couples.html?_r=0

I am sure in some relationships it can indicate a separation that is bad for the couple but it doesn't always mean anything.

[mcsangel2]

DH and I have slept apart for 8-9 years (married almost 13), and it's because his snoring got worse, and I was waking multiple times a night. He also doesn't sleep well in the master br since our current pool pump (on the other side of the wall) was installed (doesn't bother me because I'm hearing impaired), so he sleeps in the guest room.

Yes, it's affected our relationship and sex life, but sleep is pretty important, and we both sleep well now.

I can't figure out how separate bedrooms will help your situation.