Your DH and your mom

[chelsmat]

Do your H and your mom or parents get alone? DH is not a great communicator with most people in his life and it drives my mom crazy. For example, she text him last night "Its really nice of you to take DS skiing" and he text back "Thanks" and then put his phone down and I guess she had text him back a few times with follow up statements and then 30 min later she called and was mad he didn't answer her. I don't see what he did wrong but maybe I'm biased? He does the same thing to his family but she always takes little things like this as a personal attack. And she is always telling me things like he is "so odd" because he doesn't like to eat a lot at huge parties. I just don't understand why it matters to her. Anyway….I guess this is the story of life I was just wondering if I'm the only one. I feel like I'm always defending him to her. Have you guys tried anything that specifically helped?

[momin2013]

This actually sounds like more of an issue with your mom and less with your DH. It's like he's BEC with her for some reason? Is she like this about other people too? If so, it sounds like it's just her nature.

My DH gets along fine with my parents, but TBH, my mom would never text back and forth with him like that, and if she did, he'd probably respond pretty much the same way.

[chelsmat]

Yeah the issue is really with my mom. I think she wants them to be really close but DH just isn't interested. He isn't even close with his own parents.

[momin2013]

Yeah, in this situation, it sounds like probably nothing your DH could do will make her happy. They might just have to find a happy medium. I definitely wouldn't fault your DH for this; I don't think it's anything he's doing "wrong" at all.

[chelsmat]

Jan 30, 2016 11:34:22 GMT -5 momin2013 said:

Yeah, in this situation, it sounds like probably nothing your DH could do will make her happy. They might just have to find a happy medium. I definitely wouldn't fault your DH for this; I don't think it's anything he's doing "wrong" at all.

Ok thanks. Thats what I thought. it just gets old you know?

[Deleted]

Team "it's your mom, not DH"

My mom and DH get along swimmingly. He's closer to her than his own parents...but still they would rarely have a tey convo back and forth unless it's about my birthday or something. My family all text/message each other funny things sometimes, but it's a group thing, and whoever responds cool, whoever doesn't NBD.

Anyway, rambling, but I think your DH sounds fine and she's the one having trouble communicating/interpreting. I'm sorry you feel like you have to defend him to her. That does sound draining.

[mamaalysson]

This is my MIL with me. Any small mis communication or me not returning a text or email in a set (but unknown to me) amount of time translates to me not liking her. It has taken six years, but like a PP said, I have realized there is nothing I can do to please her...it's her issue not mine.

As for DH and my mom, they get along fine. No issues. If they started texting each other, that would be weird, but they seem to like each other the appropriate amount for MIL-SIL

[quesyrah]

Well, no one really gets along with my mom. DH has the most patience out of anyone though and he can call her on her shit when no one else can. I get the lucky benefit of being married to him (everyone knows he's both my parents favorite).

In that situation, I think your mom is overreacting. DH doesn't even text his own mom back, he's not going to have a text conversation with MY mom.

[quesyrah]

On the other hand, my MIL definitely has her annoying/crazy moments but for the most part she is amazing. She's really involved in my kids lives and I talk to and hang out with her regularly

[Deleted]

I think I remember you posting about your mom before so I totally think this is more about her personality than anything your DH is doing or not doing. I'm glad you have your dh's back as her expectations are unreasonable and he's just being himself and she needs to respect that his personality is his you know?

That being said, I don't have a mom so I can't comment about my h but with my mil, my mil texts a lot and is on contact and I'm very responsive to her BUT that's my personality, I am a friendly, outgoing text kind of person. So it's cool. But my mil prob would be a little hurt if if I wasn't responsive but that's because she knows how I am.

Your h doesn't sound odd or difficult, he just sounds like a quiet guy who does his own thing. Sorry you feel like you have to defend him, I hate when certain fam members bring out my defensive side, so I can relate and I definitely Understand how it can get old!!!

[dizzycooks]

Team your mom is the problem not your h. I figure if you want a long conversation you need to call. Sometimes I'll have a text convo but it needs to be obvious that we are having a conversation and I need to have time for it, if not I'll get back to you bc it's basically an instant email imo.

[gastro]

Yes, your mom seems to be the problem here. What I've learned from dealing with inlaws is you just can't change their minds, just lessen the blow. Everyone (my family, Dhs family) knows when my kids are with me my phone is on silent so I won't get calls or texts until I check my phone.
As for my DH and mom they get along well because DH loves my moms cooking so in her eyes he can do no wrong. Also, my mom is from a different country and its customary that son in laws are treated well so she would never pick a fight with him. They also never communicate by phone or text (unless sending pics of the kids).
My MIL and I got along great till ds1 was born - she and I don't see eye to eye with some parenting aspects so it's created some tension. She also lives in a different state so other than the random email or phone call we barely talk unless we are visiting each other. DH talks to her weekly (at work, during the week thank goodness) so I don't have to get on the phone and chat. We do a Sunday FaceTime every other week or so so she can see the kids and I usually jump on to say hi but that's it.

[Deleted]

Sounds like your mom is being overly critical. My ILs don't even know my phone number to text me - and I'm okay with that! But we get along with my folks, but DH and my mom don't text much. If they do, it's to the point and I can't imagine my mom getting mad if DH didn't respond right away. Life is busy, you've got kids. I would also not listen to nitpicky comments, like the not eating at parties. She should support the marriage, even if she doesn't like your DH. I'd ask her "Why does it matter?" the next time she asks you a picky question like that. Because it's a little odd.

[cna]

They've never met and probably never will.

I think your mom is creating a problem where this no problem and she needs to stop.

[cabbagecabbage]

Your mom's reactions sound nitpicky and a little nutty. I think my DH and mom have a really solid relationship and they've never texted each other.