If you gave up BFing

[loira]

If you gave up breastfeeding relatively early, when did you decide it wasn't for you? Did you just pump, or formula feed, or both?

A is 2 weeks old tomorrow, and we're slowly transitioning back to the boob after a hiatus to heal my damaged nipples and for A to gain more weight. We've worked up from nursing for a short 5-10 mins, then supplementing with formula or breast milk, then pumping (which is an exhausting and barely sustainable routine). Today I nursed her exclusively for 2 whole sessions, which was nice time-wise. I just really don't like it and find it to be very stressful. She's always clawing at me before she latches, and once she's on I can't get comfortable even though her latch is much improved. I actually feel more bonded with her when I'm giving her a bottle. Plus I'm very anxious about how much food she's getting because she's still so small, and I have no idea how much she gets when she nurses. With bottles, she's taking between 60-90ml each feed. My pumping output is okay. I can get enough for her to have at least 40ml every feed (then we top up with formula), double that amount in the morning after I've had some sleep. I want to give nursing another week at least. I want to BF, but not to the point where it makes me this stressed because I'm not sure it's good for either of us. 

[winemaker06]

I shouldn't even respond, because I did not give up. But I think I would have enjoyed my maternity leave and baby SO much more if I did.

It's not good to be stressed, and your baby will be fed no matter how you go about doing it. Don't do anything you don't want to do.
In a few months or year, how you fed your baby will be the least of your concerns, even though it seems so big right now.
I hope you can come to a decision that makes you happy soon, which is really hard! Because hormones! But whatever you do decide Will be the right decision, I promise.

[ECB]

Well, "early" is relative, I guess.

DS had issues at first w/ latching and we had to buy the Haberman nipple to train him. So I EPd for about 8 weeks (HELL!!!). Then one day I just tried to nurse him again and it was successful - so I ended up being able to nurse him for a few months. BUT I feel like my supply was never great and we always supplemented w/ formula. By 6 months, I was jsut DONE w/ BFing and pumping. So I stopped.

I have a friend who's son weaned himself from BFing and she wasn't ready/ felt guilty/ etc. And everyone just gave her advice on what to do to try and keep him nursing when what she really needed to hear was "it's o.k. to stop".

Here's my stance on this - YOUR mental health matters here too. You've given it a try, it seems to be more stressful than pleasant ... if you want to stop, stop. There is nothing wrong w/ formula. Nothing.

[krystee]

I gave up at six weeks because I wasn't producing much of anything. It was so emotional at the time, but I was so much happier after I stopped that next time I might FF from the beginning. I loved tracking his ounces and I felt very bonded to him when bottle feeding. Being able to split nights in half was another huge bonus. Travel was easy, work was easy, and he was happy and healthy.

I feel like I should not be such a pro-FFing voice because I should be encouraging women in their BF journey. And I do--if that is what they want. But I think women need to know that how they feed their baby is not an indication of how much they love their children. I am obsessed with mine, but BFing was not for me.

[spankswife]

With Dd I stopped at 2-3 weeks. I wasnt* producing enough and was supplementing, and gradually pumping less and less. That's the hardest week.

With DS I supplemented that week, but made it over them hump. Then same issue week 6 and 10. Finally at 11 weeks I had the hang of it.

I would say don't quit this week. A) they say don't quit on a bad day B) this is a really hard week. Do what you need to do to get through it and reasses next week.

If you don't want to breastfeed, that's ok too.

*edited for typo

[thejackpot]

I didn't quit breastfeeding but I just wanted to offer support. It is very hard figuring it all out and getting to a good place so don't beat yourself up. ((Hugs))

[spankswife]

I also want to add I really like combo feeding. It's the best of both worlds. I nurse when/what I can and formula when I can't. Really takes the pressure of things.

Eventually when I stopped with Dd there was that sense of relief. I'm a numbers person too, and being able to chart ounces etc was comforting.

[aliciar6]

I haven't been in here in so long, since my daughter was born in April. She was small too, nursing was not going well at all. She'd always slip down to just latching on my nippke. But because she had such a light suck, she could be on the breast forever and it wouldn't hurt. She had a super tight and thick lip tie that we didn't know about until 5 months.

We had to go to formula right away, she kept losingvweight. I wasn't producing anything (3 ml when I'd pump), I never got engorged or had a let down. We spent so much time with the LC's and trying everything including Rx meds that are supposed to help increase your supply. We tried using a supplemental nursing system, who h dear God really sucked.

Finally I got to producing 1 ounce when I'd pump only if I did it every 3 hours for 20 minutes. It was so hard to find the time, it sucked. It was stressful, it was time I was losing where I could be playing with my daughter. I had so much pressure to keep it up but I was miserable. I finally quit at just over 2 months. I was SO much happier and so much less stressed.

If you don't enjoy it, don't do it. I loved bottle feeding, it was bonding with my daughter, we were both content and happy. Formula is food, it's getting your baby nutrition. it isn't horrible or just "an acceptable alternative"

Don't beat yourself up. Breast feeding and pumping isn't for everyone and no one should make you feel bad about it. It's hard not to feel guilty anymore because it's forced down your throat that you need to BF because it's best and formula is bad and all these other things. I could say so much about thus but I'm on my phone typing. The only thing that matters is you are feeding your baby and both of you are happy. Please don't wrack yourself with guilt or feeling like you are failing for not liking it. You are doing a great job and do what works best for you and your baby.

[preppy]

6 weeks I started supplementing, 8 weeks she was fully formula fed. I had an abcsess that wouldn't go away and needed 6 aspirations. I likely could have gotten through it if I had pumped that side during my issues but I didn't and one side dried up. I was very lopsided and started to only nurse on one side at night. Then she started STTN so I stopped nursing overnight and then I was done. I am happy I stuck it out as long as I did but I am also very happy with formula feeding. In the end it worked out for us. I felt a lot of pressure to BF and put a lot of pressure on myself and was very hard on myself for stopping when I did, but looking back it was the right decision. I was spending more time trying to fix the feeding and nursing then I was just enjoying time with her and that wasn't okay for me.

[Gato]

I gave up with DD1 at 4 months. Well, more like she naturally weaned because she nursed less and less and took more and more formula. She seemed perfectly happy with this arrangement, and I relaxed and was more happy.

I was super serious about making BFing work the second time. I hired a lactation consultant BEFORE DD2 was born, just so everything was in place. BFing was still hard, but we squeaked through a whole year.

This is just my personal experience, but honestly giving up with DD1 was the best thing for our relationship and for my sanity. She is in no way less healthy, happy, or attached than DD2. BFing is great if you can do it and want to do it, but it is not worth stressing yourself out, IMO. Never feel bad about whatever decision you make.

[estrellita]

I had a hell of a time trying to BF. E wouldn't latch, so I was pumping, but I was only getting a few ounces per day even after trying everything I could possibly think of. The routine of feeding him a bottle then pumping every 2-3 hours was completely exhausting. I was super upset and I wasn't enjoying my baby at all. I actually think trying so hard hurt our bond more than it helped because he screamed his head off even while attempting skin to skin. I stopped pumping when he was 3 weeks old. The tiny amount I was getting wasn't worth the time and pain put into it.

I truly believe that a happy mom is way more important than BFing. If it's causing more harm than good, don't feel guilty if you want to stop. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. If you want to keep trying and it works out, awesome! You need to do what is best for you and your family. BFing is great, FFing is great, if your baby is fed, that's all that matters!

[AllieHound]

I gave up with both kids between weeks 3-4. Neither would latch, and I HATE pumping. I had a fine supply, that wasn't the issue, but my main reason for wanting to BF was the convenience. No bottles, etc. Pumping is no more convenient than FF.

And both my kids slept good early on (but DS' s went to shit by week 6, DD is still OK), and I'd be dammed if I woke up to pump while they slept.

[JayhawkGirl]

I nursed both kids right around 2 years and want to make sure you hear this: bf, ff, combo, ep- all that matters is what works for you and your baby. You have my full support in whatever you decide to do.

[swest]

Ds wouldn't properly latch so I had to use a shield. He also would nurse for like 14 hours a day and I wasn't comfortable nip. It was so much stress and anxiety for me I couldn't enjoy him. Once I stopped at 8 weeks I could finally enjoy our relationship. Before I stopped nursing I could only soothe him with nursing which I didn't like, I just wanted to cuddle my baby without having a boob in his mouth. Do whatever makes you comfortable, happy and relaxed! Your baby will fine whether they get formula or bm.

[bethaboo]

I officially gave up at 7 months, but we combo-fed from 2 months on. Honestly, adding formula to the mix was the best decision I made for us.

I did not make a big enough supply - at the height of pumping, I could get seven or so ounces from fourth twenty minute double pumps. Adding in formula took so much pressure off.

I think what jayhawkgirl said is so important. It's something my pediatrician stands behind and why I love her so much. What matters is that it works for you guys.

[winecheery]

loira I just wanted to offer hugs. And I am fairly certain I typed out those exact words about feeling more bonded when bottle feeding DD in a post from my early days here. I could look at her tiny face, we often locked eyes, I felt better that way.

I breastfed for as long as I was willing to go, (6-7 months) then stopped. If I hadn't been feeling ok with it all that time, no way would I have continued. I never enjoyed it; I tolerated it. It did get better after 6 weeks, and I never felt it was affecting me in the way you describe, so honestly, take care of you so you can take care of baby, kwim? If this is hurting your mental health, that is absolutely worth stopping IMO. Formula fed babies are FED babies, period.

[pinkdutchtulips]

i gave it up at 8 wks which to someone who wanted to bf for a year was devastating. my supply was never great to begin w. i'd pump 20 minutes for an ounce it was horrible. from the time dd was about 4 wks old on she got 50-50 bm/formula bottles and when she went to dc at 7wks she was a 100% formula kid there and 50/50 at home.

i think i know why my supply was so horrible and it has everything to do with stress and my period coming back 7 wks pp.  i was taking care of dd and the house by myself w/ zero help from anyone including my now xh. my experience with a newborn dd, completely turned me off to having a 2nd (w. my now xh, at 41 another baby seems far fetched but who knows ?!?)

[boiler717]

Sending you love loira

[Deleted]

DS is 4 weeks old now. I gave up BF about 12 days ago. My milk didn't come in until 5 days PP, but up until then, he didn't latch at all despite help from several LCs. In those 5 days we had to give him formula. Once my milk came in, he still wouldn't latch, even with trying nipple shields. When offered the breast, he would scream and cry. I had LCs and H try to hold him up to me in various positions, but he just wasn't having it. I do have completely inverted nipples, which made it much more difficult. Each time I tried to nurse, I would pump right beforehand to try to draw the nipples out, but they didn't come out. These things are stubborn SOBs.

I pumped every 2-3 hours for the first two weeks. The best yield I had was the day after my milk came in, but it was only about a total of 2 ounces that day. I was engorged and in pain, but finally the milk did let down. I'm glad I was at least able to give that to DS. Unfortunately, despite pumping, every day since my supply decreased until it completely dried up. The yield became droplets, not even measurable. I was, and am, very disappointed, but it is what it is. I drank tons of water but was very stressed out, and I'm sure I wasn't eating enough in those first couple weeks. I feel bad about this. However, DS is happily eating his formula, and that's what matters. He is loved and fed.

Many hugs to you, I know this is difficult.

[mx27]

I stopped breastfeeding the second day I was home from the hospital (so my baby was 2 days old). I have exclusively pumped since then. My baby is now 11 weeks old. No regrets! Breastfeeding was not for me, so I stopped.

Go with your gut and do what is best for you!

[MrsMB]

I have been working through supply issues. I decided after working with a LC for 2 weeks that Combo feeding with pumping was my best route. The bottle made her aggravated at the breast making combo feeding with the breast really emotional for me....so we were at 4-5 weeks when we decided to do this. I'm less stressed and I feel better for DD.

[vtdiamond]

I quit at 6 weeks. I was supplementing all along and did not have a very good supply. I quit when I did because finding time to pump was so hard, one or both kids would end up crying or I would do it at the end of the witching hour when I just wanted to go to sleep. I will say that part of me wishes I had pushed through as things got a lot easier at 8 weeks.

[ellipsis]

I decided to quit EPing after 2 months because it was causing me PPA. I went to my husband bawling and told him I couldn't do it anymore. It's a hard decision to make

[thebreakfastclub]

I attempted to latch DS for 2 days and then went directly to formula, eventually settling on Target generic brand. He never had a drop of breastmilk.

I feel like it was the best decision I made and my formula experience was wonderful. DS was on a great eating/sleeping/poop schedule from the start, H and I alternated nights, I lost my baby weight with no issues. I knew exactly when he would be hungry.

My son is almost 3 now. I was worried that he'd be sick a lot in daycare and it would be my fault. He's had one ear infection, and nothing more than a runny nose or cough. If I had another, I would go directly to Target formula.

[snshne322]

Feb 2, 2016 8:46:44 GMT -5 @simpledog said:

We stopped trying to latch prob around 2-3 weeks. We combo fed from day one and I pumped until 5.5 months.

I made enough milk to give him all breast milk but I didn't want to stress about pumping exclusively, which is why we did formula too.

If I had to do it again I would have switched to EFF and not pumped, but combo feeding worked out really well too. The latching was definitely the hardest part emotionally since he hated my boobs.
I say it jokingly now but it was tough then.

Hang in there, and whatever you decide will be great!

This was my experience almost exactly.  In hindsight I wish I would have saved myself the tears and went to formula sooner.

[leonard131]

I gave up around 6 weeks.  I just wasn't producing anything and I was trying to combo feed and my whole day was spent feeding him.  I was going crazy.  

I certainly see all the benefits of breastfeeding and I commend those who do and are very committed to it but I just wasn't. I went in thinking " I will give it a try and if it doesn't' work it doesn't work".  Maybe I am selfish but I believe the mother's mental health is just as important as the benefits of breast feeding and if you are struggling and feel it taking a toll it is OK to quit.  Formula isn't the devil, you are feeding your child, you are giving your child all the love and care in the world. In the end that is what matters.

Now everything is so in the moment. Some may not agree with this but 1-2 years down the road whether you BF or formula feed won't be a thought in your mind. 

[jeaniebueller]

Feb 2, 2016 8:41:19 GMT -5 thebreakfastclub said:

  He never had a drop of breastmilk.

I feel like it was the best decision I made and my formula experience was wonderful. DS was on a great eating/sleeping/poop schedule from the start, H and I alternated nights, I lost my baby weight with no issues. I knew exactly when he would be hungry.

My son is almost 3 now. I was worried that he'd be sick a lot in daycare and it would be my fault. He's had one ear infection, and nothing more than a runny nose or cough. If I had another, I would go directly to Target formula.

I gave up BFing before I even started, but ditto TBC. Except, my kids were sick a ton, but my BFF who EBFed all of her kids also has had sick kids a ton, so I don't attribute that to FFing. Formula for lyfe. Or at least the first year.

[raangoli]

Thank you for starting this thread loira. I'm only a week in and I've told myself I'll give it a month at least but the days are long and hard as an EPer.

I hope you find your comfort zone. Baby A is lucky to have you as a mom ❤️

[thebreakfastclub]

Feb 2, 2016 9:16:46 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

Feb 2, 2016 8:41:19 GMT -5 thebreakfastclub said:

  He never had a drop of breastmilk.

I feel like it was the best decision I made and my formula experience was wonderful. DS was on a great eating/sleeping/poop schedule from the start, H and I alternated nights, I lost my baby weight with no issues. I knew exactly when he would be hungry.

My son is almost 3 now. I was worried that he'd be sick a lot in daycare and it would be my fault. He's had one ear infection, and nothing more than a runny nose or cough. If I had another, I would go directly to Target formula.

I gave up BFing before I even started, but ditto TBC. Except, my kids were sick a ton, but my BFF who EBFed all of her kids also has had sick kids a ton, so I don't attribute that to FFing. Formula for lyfe. Or at least the first year.

I guess you could say I gave up all through my pregnancy.  My goal went from one year, to six months, to during my leave, to 4 weeks, to during the hospital stay.  Finally, with a month to go, on the way home from the BF class, I turned to my H and said "this probably isn't going to happen, you know?"  We had a good laugh over it.  He would never say anything, but he knew all along I wasn't down for that.  

When he wouldn't latch, I was kind of relieved.  

[cheeseandcrackers]

I stopped around 3 months I believe.
I honestly just hated it and I had a little bit of ppd and every other time I tried to breast feed i would just bawl my eyes out. i switched over to pumping, which was fine for a while, but pumping every 3 hours got exhausting. i was supplementing her with formula anyway so i decided to stop and switch her over completely. best decision ever. so much more freedom after that. i think it's awesome for women that stick with it and/or enjoy it, but it just was not for me.
do what feels right for you, right now is such a hard time.