Also I think that if somebody had told me in so many words before I had kids that daycare would cost as much as my mortgage, I might not have had them.
At all.
It sounded much less terrifying when we were talking costs per week for one kid. But having #2 and realizing that daycare is our #1 expense is just...sobering. Like that mortgage was vomit inducing when we first signed the papers. And now we pay it twice. At least the payoff period is shorter.
While we're doing this, can we talk about the total bullshit that is the one week "exclusion period" for short term disability policies???
two weeks. My current employer is 15 days. Because you know, the standard (for this industry) six week STD is so great already - so obviously only actually paying me for 4 weeks of that should be just fucking dandy.
Hmph.
This is one of those things where I'm all, "wawa. be grateful you get anything. A lot of people get nothing."
But FUCK THAT BECAUSE EVERYBODY SHOULD GET SOMETHING GOOD rather than my being grateful for something shitty.
and forget it if you have a special needs kid that wouldn't do well in a regular camp. the local special needs program has a summer program it's 8-12.
Daycare is even worse since they can be kicked out at anytime for behaviors and there is nothing a parent can do. A mom friend recently had to quit her job because her ASD son is doing some serious biting and he has been kicked out of his 3rd daycare and she is out of options. They are having to sell their house and downsize because it's the only way to make it work but they have no options left.
Ouch. We're on daycare #3. This one finally seems to be the right fit and it helps that we have DS's ABA there with him the three afternoons a week here's there. He won't be able to deal with random camps so I'm not entirely sure what we'll do at that point. No good solutions are there?
There really aren't DD is currently in this gray zone where she is too special for 'typical' camps/activities but not special enough for 'special' camps/activities. I think at this point that in a year or two she will be OK with typical but we'll have to see how she does.
With ABA she's come so far, at 3 I wouldn't have thought she'd be where she is now but she's made HUGE strides with it in 2.5 yrs.
Ouch. We're on daycare #3. This one finally seems to be the right fit and it helps that we have DS's ABA there with him the three afternoons a week here's there. He won't be able to deal with random camps so I'm not entirely sure what we'll do at that point. No good solutions are there?
There really aren't DD is currently in this gray zone where she is too special for 'typical' camps/activities but not special enough for 'special' camps/activities. I think at this point that in a year or two she will be OK with typical but we'll have to see how she does.
With ABA she's come so far, at 3 I wouldn't have thought she'd be where she is now but she's made HUGE strides with it in 2.5 yrs.
We're in the same boat. DS has one foot in each world and neither fits completely. Some days I forget completely that he is on the spectrum. Other days it is overwhelmingly apparent. ABA has been amazing for him. He never would have been this successful in mainstream Kindy without it.
Also I think that if somebody had told me in so many words before I had kids that daycare would cost as much as my mortgage, I might not have had them.
At all.
It sounded much less terrifying when we were talking costs per week for one kid. But having #2 and realizing that daycare is our #1 expense is just...sobering. Like that mortgage was vomit inducing when we first signed the papers. And now we pay it twice. At least the payoff period is shorter.
So much this. It's also "easier" to deal with the costs for a little bit, but it just drags on year after year with no break. We were okay for the first couple years when it was just DS1. But then we had DS2, cars needed replacing, other costs go up, the kids need to take swimming lessons, etc. it just piles up. On top of paying $20k a year in childcare.
Now we feel like we're in a never-ending rut of paying childcare, especially when you think about summer camps and after-school care for school-aged kids. Like, this shit is never going to stop. Until they're 15 and 12 and then it's 2 years until DS1 goes to college.
I made 75% of our HHI last year. Growing up, my dad was militant about doing well in school and making sure I went to college. He pushed me very hard, and I'm grateful for it. Yet a few months ago we got into an argument because he's not happy that I'm working. He wishes that I had married someone who made enough so I could stay home, and feels that the only reason that families need to have 2 working parents is because those parents choose to travel, have nice cars, etc.
Needless to say, none of that went over well with me. I asked him why he wasted time and money on me going to college if he feels so strongly that I shouldn't be working? I said that even if my H made more than I do, I would still work because working makes me happy and fulfilled and a better mother. I said that yes, we will travel with the kids and want to be able to afford them doing activities and to buy them things, and that's important to us. I feel that traveling can broaden their horizons and expose them to some very important things. My H is from India, and I think it's important to take them back there and have them see where their dad was born and what life is like there, but 4 tickets to India aren't cheap. My mom was a SAHM when we were all young, and she clearly hated it. She was so much more patient and happy when she was working part-time.
I travel for work a decent amount, and every single time someone asks me where my kids are. I just left them home with a bowl of food and water - is that not okay? They're with their father, you morons!
I have some friends who stay at home (both women and a few men), and they love it. I wish that people who wanted to SAH could so (as long as they don't post annoying crap on FB like "if you add up all of my jobs as a SAHP I should be making "$100 million dollars!" or "I wish my job came with vacation time"), but I also wish that people stopped assuming that anything to do with children was automatically the mother's job, or that if a woman likes working they are a bad mother.
So is this not an issue that gets addressed because (1) it's almost exclusively a female problem and (2) we women stop focusing on it once we're past the daycare stage or is it just ignored because most legislators in this country are men?
I can see the light at the end of the daycare tunnel and I am rubbing my hands together in anticipation of how we can reallocate those funds to other things. This time next year I'll still understand this issue but will I remain passionate about it? I don't know, maybe my lady brain will get occupied by other concerns.
That's the other thing - the reality is that, like education, childcare is expensive. It costs money to pay competent workers, pay for safe, clean facilities, etc. But it's necessary and important. So who bears the burden? We've decided as a nation that it's the parents and daycare workers who should bear the burden - parents in the form of high costs, workers in the form of low wages.
Quality daycare is something that benefits society as a whole - children who are in safe, high quality facilities turn out to be better-adjusted, better-educated, more productive adults, workers who aren't stressed about childcare are more productive, healthier employees, daycare workers who are paid better in turn spend that money buying goods and services which stimulates the economy. So IMO, it's worth the investment by us, the taxpayers and the government, to subsidize or even outright fund this. Yes, it's expensive, but it has huge benefits for everyone, even those without children.
But unfortunately, we have a short-sighted, narrow view of things in the US and we get "tough, you're on your own" instead.
I really hope I'm not derailing this thread, but I do wish low-cost, high-quality childcare and preschool for all was Bernie's drum rather than free college.
It's not. Because he is a man. And while he pays lip service to "lower Ed" issues it's not on his list of priorities. Nor is it on most men's lists who are in positions of power (though certainly not all! Obama has done a good job highlighting this issue.) But this is why we need more women in elected office....yes. More women at the table. The establishment, if you will.
I really hope I'm not derailing this thread, but I do wish low-cost, high-quality childcare and preschool for all was Bernie's drum rather than free college.
It's not. Because he is a man. And while he pays lip service to "lower Ed" issues it's not on his list of priorities. Nor is it on most men's lists who are in positions of power (though certainly not all! Obama has done a good job highlighting this issue.) But this is why we need more women in elected office....yes. More women at the table. The establishment, if you will.
Back to reading the thread....
You know, it just occurred to me for the first time that I have no idea if Bernie Sanders has children or not.
Also - just because it just popped into my head - my rather conservative, libertarian leaning, occasionally assholish bootstrap waving husband totally supports heavily subsidized daycare.
He doesn't even support government funded HEALTH care, but he's all for free daycare for poor people and reduced price for middle-class.
It seems so obvious to me that this is something we should have as a civilized people. But NOPE.
I think most places have subsidized daycare. I mean I lived in AZ and there was subsidized daycare. I mean not for me, but for people below a certain income. My coworker made like 25K and maybe $10 a week for full time daycare, due to subsidies. That was AZ, so imagine it can't be that unusual if AZ did it. That being said, I am not sure how it all works (I think she got vouchers she could use wherever) and I think the income cut off is pretty low.
Yes. Subsidized daycare is a thing that is funded by the Feds should your state agree to participate. But the problem there is always more need than space.
I can't imagine how hard it must be for so many of the parents working non flexible jobs. We've had almost 4 weeks of a total childcare clusterfuck and H and I have been piecing shit together and WFH as much as we can. Luckily we have flexible jobs that allow that to happen, but I would have already lost my job if I worked in a place that counted unexcused absences or didn't allow me to WFH.
It would make so much more sense! We already have too many high school kids that 'graduate' and are in no way prepared for the 'real world' let alone the expectations of college!
But this topic isn't going to get him the under 25 vote. When I was 19 I would have been much more concerned about free college than subsidized daycare or paid family leave. That wasn't even close to being on my radar.
Yet young progressives seem to care about many other topics that have tenuous connections to them: trade agreements, Wall Street, etc. The reason why young progressives don't care about child care is because it's a woman's issue, it's not sexy, and males dominate the progressive left microphones.
So I just looked up Bernie Sanders' parental status and discovered that he has one son, who was born out of wedlock. CAN YOU IMAGINE a woman running for President and her having given birth out of wedlock not being a huge, huge issue??
It's not. Because he is a man. And while he pays lip service to "lower Ed" issues it's not on his list of priorities. Nor is it on most men's lists who are in positions of power (though certainly not all! Obama has done a good job highlighting this issue.) But this is why we need more women in elected office....yes. More women at the table. The establishment, if you will.
Back to reading the thread....
You know, it just occurred to me for the first time that I have no idea if Bernie Sanders has children or not.
I think he has step children and I think I read yesterday he had a child out of wedlock as a young man....but I don't know.
Don't get me started on men in power who don't even have children.
It's not. Because he is a man. And while he pays lip service to "lower Ed" issues it's not on his list of priorities. Nor is it on most men's lists who are in positions of power (though certainly not all! Obama has done a good job highlighting this issue.) But this is why we need more women in elected office....yes. More women at the table. The establishment, if you will.
Back to reading the thread....
You know, it just occurred to me for the first time that I have no idea if Bernie Sanders has children or not.
Well if he does, they're probably, what? Like, 100? by now, so ....
(sorry not sorry)
Also, if my 9yo could vote, I think he'd vote for Bernie because he's riled up about the free college line. Lol. One of his after-care counselors was talking about it, and he came home all "woooooww!! Isn't that a great idea??!!!"
So I just looked up Bernie Sanders' parental status and discovered that he has one son, who was born out of wedlock. CAN YOU IMAGINE a woman running for President and her having given birth out of wedlock not being a huge, huge issue??
So I just looked up Bernie Sanders' parental status and discovered that he has one son, who was born out of wedlock. CAN YOU IMAGINE a woman running for President and her having given birth out of wedlock not being a huge, huge issue??
Dude.
Dude.
Dude.
Somehow I knew this but I forgot. I need to know if the son actually resided with Sanders while growing up.
I can't imagine how hard it must be for so many of the parents working non flexible jobs. We've had almost 4 weeks of a total childcare clusterfuck and H and I have been piecing shit together and WFH as much as we can. Luckily we have flexible jobs that allow that to happen, but I would have already lost my job if I worked in a place that counted unexcused absences or didn't allow me to WFH.
The only people I know who make it work have parents able and willing to help. MIl and FIL are constantly running out to SILs an hour away to help with sick days and snow days because SIL and BIL are both physicians, so they can't WFH and calling out is a big deal (rescheduling well visits that were scheduled months ago, etc. SIL is a pediatrician and has had parents scream at her for needing to reschedule because her kid is sick).
And I really feel THIS ((((waves hands around))))) is why we see this disparity in the young females who support Bernie vs the older ones who support HRC. I bet many of the young female Bernie fans are not trying to both have kids and have a career right now. They haven't yet faced the harsh reality that "having it all" is virtually impossible for women but pretty much standard for men. Once you see the disparity in the work force it's hard to ignore the pervasive reality of sexism in modern America. I mean. Did I really understand this as a 20 year old? No way. But when you get older and start taking on very real adult world things like parenting and professions you realize how the cards are so stacked against working moms and two parent working families in general. We are a world that requires women to work but we still operate under the mindset that we are world where women should stay home and take care of the kids first and foremost. What does Bernie have to say about this?
Also I think that if somebody had told me in so many words before I had kids that daycare would cost as much as my mortgage, I might not have had them.
At all.
It sounded much less terrifying when we were talking costs per week for one kid. But having #2 and realizing that daycare is our #1 expense is just...sobering. Like that mortgage was vomit inducing when we first signed the papers. And now we pay it twice. At least the payoff period is shorter.
Having two in full time daycare has definitely been an adjustment. Our budget is very tight now.
Also I think that if somebody had told me in so many words before I had kids that daycare would cost as much as my mortgage, I might not have had them.
This was one of the many factors that led us to not have kids. I was ignorant of the costs for a long time but when I started seeing the types numbers thrown around here, many of which are double our mortgage, I practically fainted.
All of that was interesting. But I wanted to know not just about what Sanders has done. I wanted to know more about who he has been. So I asked what I thought was an innocuous question about Sanders’ son. How did Sanders juggle aspirations as an eager political activist with his role as a divorced young father? “That’s out of bounds,” Franco said. Out of bounds? “It’s none of your f—-ing business,” he said. He smiled, but he wasn’t joking.
CAN YOU IMAGINE A WOMAN RESPONDING LIKE THIS? NO MATTER HOW MUCH SHE WANTS TO???
And I really feel THIS ((((waves hands around))))) is why we see this disparity in the young females who support Bernie vs the older ones who support HRC. I bet many of the young female Bernie fans are not trying to both have kids and have a career right now. They haven't yet faced the harsh reality that "having it all" is virtually impossible for women but pretty much standard for men. Once you see the disparity in the work force it's hard to ignore the pervasive reality of sexism in modern America. I mean. Did I really understand this as a 20 year old? No way. But when you get older and start taking on very real adult world things like parenting and professions you realize how the cards are so stacked against working moms and two parent working families in general. We are a world that requires women to work but we still operate under the mindset that we are world where women should stay home and take care of the kids first and foremost. What does Bernie have to say about this?
Read the rooming in thread on MMM. We are even required to take care of our newborn babies within minutes of giving birth and/or having a c section. Suck it up, ladies! Can you imagine a male being told he has to care for another human being within hours of a major medical procedure?
And I really feel THIS ((((waves hands around))))) is why we see this disparity in the young females who support Bernie vs the older ones who support HRC. I bet many of the young female Bernie fans are not trying to both have kids and have a career right now. They haven't yet faced the harsh reality that "having it all" is virtually impossible for women but pretty much standard for men. Once you see the disparity in the work force it's hard to ignore the pervasive reality of sexism in modern America. I mean. Did I really understand this as a 20 year old? No way. But when you get older and start taking on very real adult world things like parenting and professions you realize how the cards are so stacked against working moms and two parent working families in general. We are a world that requires women to work but we still operate under the mindset that we are world where women should stay home and take care of the kids first and foremost. What does Bernie have to say about this?
It's also why I think we respond to HRC differently than younger women.
We've been called bitchy for being assertive, we've been told to calm down, we've been told to work on our interpersonal skills, people have assessed our childbearing capabilities, while the male in the next office gets promoted.
So yeah when you come at Hillary because she seems "aggressive" it is going to piss me the eff off.
Yes! A lot of us WANT Hillary to be aggressive because we are mad as hell and aren't going to take it anymore!
And I really feel THIS ((((waves hands around))))) is why we see this disparity in the young females who support Bernie vs the older ones who support HRC. I bet many of the young female Bernie fans are not trying to both have kids and have a career right now. They haven't yet faced the harsh reality that "having it all" is virtually impossible for women but pretty much standard for men. Once you see the disparity in the work force it's hard to ignore the pervasive reality of sexism in modern America. I mean. Did I really understand this as a 20 year old? No way. But when you get older and start taking on very real adult world things like parenting and professions you realize how the cards are so stacked against working moms and two parent working families in general. We are a world that requires women to work but we still operate under the mindset that we are world where women should stay home and take care of the kids first and foremost. What does Bernie have to say about this?
Read the rooming in thread on MMM. We are even required to take care of our newborn babies within minutes of giving birth and/or having a c section. Suck it up, ladies! Can you imagine a male being told he has to care for another human being within hours of a major medical procedure?
Not that I am bitter,..
My coworker had a c section style hysterectomy. She was talking about how physically she was having a tough time bouncing back at work. And I was like yeah I get that. I had a c section and then immediately took care of a baby in recovery. When you think about what we are expected to do it is fucked up.