Drop off birthday parties

[quesyrah]

When did these start for your kid? DS has been invited to a party but it's on a weekday afternoon. I asked the mom if it was okay to bring DD (it's at her home) and I will bring entertainment and food for her.

Mom brightly said "go ahead and just drop him off!"

The kids are 6, I don't know those people and have never been to their home. I'm not comfortable with it at all. MIL has a dr appt and can't watch DD.

WWYD? Just drop off? DS will be disappointed if he doesn't get to go :/

[lattelady5]

I wouldn't be comfortable with that either. Can you get a sitter for DD? Do you know any of the other kids, or I guess their parents you could trust to be there with you ds?

[lovebeingmama]

I would drop him off. DS1's group of preschool friends started drop off parties at 4. I thought it seemed young, but we all kind of went with it. Sometimes DS lets us drop him off, sometimes he asks us to stay. Same with the other parents and kids. Unless you have a reason to not trust this family or house, I think it's fine to drop off for the party.

[gastro]

At 6 I would drop him off.

[sacattack]

I'd bet the Mom is thinking she is giving you a pass by telling you to just drop off.
I'd do it, but I'm generally trusting. 

Now having said that, I'd scope out the place while I was there and if I saw shady stuff, I'd just stay.

[abs]

I'd drop him off, too.

DD turned 5 this past November and we had her party at a gymnastics place. There were several parents that dropped off their kids. I was not prepared for that but truly it was no big deal.

Can you invite the family over a playdate before the party so you get a better feel?

[lolalolalola]

At 5 they were 100% drop off parties. (first year for non-family parties). I have never actually stayed at a birthday party ever. (other than if the mom is MY friend). Nor has anyone ever stayed at one of my kids parties either. 

[lovebeingmama]

Are people really this untrusting of houses and families for birthday parties? Shady stuff? Family playdayes to scope them out first? I mean, I wouldn't drop off my kid in a house that looks like it has a meth lab or snarling rabid dogs or if the family is known to drunkenly shoot off fireworks, but I'm pretty confident that the parents of my kids' friends can handle my kids for a few hours at a birthday party, even if I don't know the parents very well. Since OP didn't mention concerns about the family or house, and said it was a childcare issue, I don't think the family/mom/house is the issue here. Yes, the first drop off party is a little nerve-wracking, but drop him off and enjoy the short break with your other child!

Sorry if I sound combative. It just seems sad that the world is so untrusting that we have to worry about birthday parties for 6 year olds, too.

Plus I have the stomach flu again and feel like a bag of poop right now so my mood isn't the best.

[mamaalysson]

I agree with lovebeingmama (perhaps less combatively, though ;-) ). Drop him off, enjoy the break, and prepare for the post-party sugar crash. DD's parties are still a mixed bag at this point (kindergarten), but she's had a few drop offs, and they're great! For the record, I am cautious about sending my child on play dates to new houses, but birthday parties don't give me the same pause. I figure a party is two hours, cake, presents, and wild children...less chance for kids to go exploring and get in trouble, or be really immersed in a family dynamic/rules/environment that I am hinky about. Does that make any sense? I'm typing this while wrangling my child at the indoor park.

[L From The D]

DS is turning 8 and has only been to two drop off parties (one in K, one recently). Most of the parents are friends/acquaintances so we generally hang out at the parties and converse.

[lattelady5]

Feb 11, 2016 13:29:11 GMT -5 lovebeingmama said:

Are people really this untrusting of houses and families for birthday parties? Shady stuff? Family playdayes to scope them out first? I mean, I wouldn't drop off my kid in a house that looks like it has a meth lab or snarling rabid dogs or if the family is known to drunkenly shoot off fireworks, but I'm pretty confident that the parents of my kids' friends can handle my kids for a few hours at a birthday party, even if I don't know the parents very well. Since OP didn't mention concerns about the family or house, and said it was a childcare issue, I don't think the family/mom/house is the issue here. Yes, the first drop off party is a little nerve-wracking, but drop him off and enjoy the short break with your other child!

Its not unreasonable to be leery of sending my child into an unfamiliar environment. If I don't know any of the people there or who is chaperoning , if there are guns in the home and if they're stored safely, if creepy uncle is coming, etc. Dangerous dogs aren't always (or most of the time) snarling or rabid. We have friends who have a resource guarding dog. He's friendly until someone has a treat he wants. I'm pretty far from a helicopter mom but I wouldn't feel comfortable sending my young child into a home that I have not been to. I have no issues with drop off parties as long as I know the environment. And I'm sure most of the time, everything is just fine. It's not irrational to want to know that before hand though.

[abs]

In most situations I am totally okay with drop off parties. Not everyone has that same level of comfort though. I don't think either feelings are wrong.

I mean, if it was a big house party with lots of kids and very little structure DD would not be comfortable with me leaving her. That's just her personality. If it was a small party with just her close friends she would kick me out.

[quesyrah]

Feb 11, 2016 13:29:11 GMT -5 lovebeingmama said:

Are people really this untrusting of houses and families for birthday parties? Shady stuff? Family playdayes to scope them out first? I mean, I wouldn't drop off my kid in a house that looks like it has a meth lab or snarling rabid dogs or if the family is known to drunkenly shoot off fireworks, but I'm pretty confident that the parents of my kids' friends can handle my kids for a few hours at a birthday party, even if I don't know the parents very well. Since OP didn't mention concerns about the family or house, and said it was a childcare issue, I don't think the family/mom/house is the issue here. Yes, the first drop off party is a little nerve-wracking, but drop him off and enjoy the short break with your other child!

Sorry if I sound combative. It just seems sad that the world is so untrusting that we have to worry about birthday parties for 6 year olds, too.

Plus I have the stomach flu again and feel like a bag of poop right now so my mood isn't the best.

I admit that I'm more reserved and cautious than other people may be.

But he just turned 6 and I don't know these people at all so yes, I do feel a sense of reservation dropping him off. And it's not like I can take him, take a look around and then say "oh never mind"

[nicolewi]

At that age I would be okay with it unless there was something that seemed off about it...i.e. you think the parents will just let the kids run wild the whole time without any supervision. I'd go in for a few minutes w/ her and then take off if all was well.

In preschool, all the parties we went to were at bounce places or bowling alleys, and the parents ALWAYS stayed. For DD's first kindergarten bday party, at a bounce place, I stayed as usual and slowly realized I was the ONLY ONE! All the other parents did a drop and left! I felt like an idiot, but on the other hand, DD adjusts slowly to new things and wouldn't have been comfortable without me there. I used the next couple parties to continue "weaning" (by staying just a bit and then taking off) and now she's fine going on our own.

We've never been invited to a non-family party at someone's house, except once in preschool and it was outdoors in summer and everyone stayed.

[lala]

They pretty much switch to drop off around kindergarten to first. We haven't had a house one for people we didn't know...yet. Likely I'd drop him off, though.

[dizzycooks]

I've been told I could leave dd at one party and had a parent ask to drop off at dds party. She just turned 4. I guess at the next party if they offer I'll accept. She's just starting to do play dates and I'm enjoying the break

[expectantsteelerfan]

They started in kindy for us, but so far only at public places that we've been to tons of times before and I feel comfortable dropping them at, like the trampoline place or inflatable bouncy place, chuck e cheese, lego place, etc. I'm not sure if I'd feel ok dropping him at someone's house if I've never met them before, but you gotta start sometime I guess? I probably would if it was someone he talked about and I thought he'd be friends with.

[melew]

Between kindergarten and 1st grade. I agree with @tooshort and would ask if he wants to go, knowing you wouldn't be there. If he says yes, then I would let him attend.

[hocus2]

We had two this past weekend. My kid is 6 but both parties were for 7 year olds.

I was hesitant about the first party because they invited so many kids (49 families) and the mom ended up sending out a note that parents were free to stay which I did (I was one of 4, with 20 or so kids at the party). The party was fine and I was usually in a different room that my kid so I probably could have left.

The other drop of party was for a close friend. My daughter has been at her place a few time and the party was small (~8 girls). I got to the door and my daughter pretty much kicked me out.

Overall I'm OK with drop off parties when I know the families. I think the future if I drop off I'll just shoot a note to the parent with any concerns. 

[quesyrah]

Well it's not an issue anymore.

The mom and I had a chance to talk at the class party and it turns out it's not an actual party. The kid wanted to have DS over to celebrate (which explains why it's right after school on a weekday). So she was going to get a pizza and has some games for them to play.

Anyway, while we were talking today she asked if I wanted to stay and we could get to know each they while the kids play. She has a 3 year old so perfect for my 2.5 year old to play with.

And now if the boys want to have future play dates I'll probably feel more comfortable dropping off.

[lovebeingmama]

...never mind. I deleted my response. I'm breezy in these situations, as are the moms I hang around; I realize not everyone is. I won't change your mind to be less cautious and you won't change my mind to be nervous about these situations.

I just think that it's important for moms to hear that it is ok to be fine with dropping off your 6 year old at a party at someone's home, and you don't have to feel like a negligent parent for doing so.

[lattelady5]

Feb 12, 2016 3:03:58 GMT -5 lovebeingmama said:

...never mind. I deleted my response. I'm breezy in these situations, as are the moms I hang around; I realize not everyone is. I won't change your mind to be less cautious and you won't change my mind to be nervous about these situations.

I just think that it's important for moms to hear that it is ok to be fine with dropping off your 6 year old at a party at someone's home, and you don't have to feel like a negligent parent for doing so.

Lots of posters responded they'd be fine with drop offs. Everyone just has a diffe re entry comfort level. I'm not a crazy helicopter mom for being a little more cautious and you're not a negligent mom for being more trusting. Nobody

Feb 12, 2016 3:03:58 GMT -5 lovebeingmama said:

...never mind. I deleted my response. I'm breezy in these situations, as are the moms I hang around; I realize not everyone is. I won't change your mind to be less cautious and you won't change my mind to be nervous about these situations.

I just think that it's important for moms to hear that it is ok to be fine with dropping off your 6 year old at a party at someone's home, and you don't have to feel like a negligent parent for doing so.

Lots of posters responded they'd be fine with dropping off. Nobody suggested that means negligent. Everyone just has a different comfort level. I'm not a crazy helicopter mom for being a little more cautious and you're not a negligent mom for being more trusting.

[quesyrah]

Feb 12, 2016 3:03:58 GMT -5 lovebeingmama said:

...never mind. I deleted my response. I'm breezy in these situations, as are the moms I hang around; I realize not everyone is. I won't change your mind to be less cautious and you won't change my mind to be nervous about these situations.

I just think that it's important for moms to hear that it is ok to be fine with dropping off your 6 year old at a party at someone's home, and you don't have to feel like a negligent parent for doing so.

FWIW I didn't see any need for you to delete. Plenty of others felt the same way.

We all parent differently. It's cool.
:shrug:

[nicolewi]

Besides parenting differently, there's also the angle that KIDS are different. DD1 would have had a really hard time with a drop-off party. DS would probably be totally fine. Sometimes people have to go with what works for their kid, too.