Preschool help again!

[Deleted]

Can I pick your collective brains again? So I wrote a couple of weeks ago how a kid in DS's preschool class has been violent, and hurt my DS and another kid completely unprovoked. 

I met with the teachers and director and they assured me that from now on there will be 2 teachers in the room at all times, with one teacher specifically shadowing the kid who keeps hitting/scratching people. DS stayed out of preschool for a week while we figured stuff out, but I decided to bring him back today.

So at his cubby, DS said the same kid hit him today, "But this time I just laughed." I told DS he can tell the other kid to stop. I asked the teacher about it, and she said it was a slap and called it normal stuff "that all kids do". I just don't know. I don't want to go all over the top about this, but DS already doesn't want to go to preschool, it's his first day back, the teachers know that DS is scared and that the other kid hits someone almost every day, and I'm just super annoyed that it happened again with the same kid and that he even had an opportunity to hit DS. Even if it was just a light slap this time.

DS was also really worried at his cubby and pulled DD back, saying "Look out, xyz is going to hurt you!"  

Am i overreacting? Is this just something I should accept from preschool as "normal" stuff?

[lattelady5]

I would ask to speak to the director again. Where was the other teacher who was supposed to be shadowing the hitter?

[jag01]

Nope, chronic hitting isn't normal behaviour and shouldn't be shrugged off as such either. Obviously it's a problem. Is he just targeting your DS? Can they move his cubby so they are not in direct contact with each other?

[nicolewi]

If my kid got slapped at preschool, even lightly, that would NOT be okay. I can't believe the teacher tried to brush it off as "just something kids do."

[cna]

No, that is not something you should have to expect is normal behavior. I would be talking to them again before they seriously drop the ball with that kid.

[quesyrah]

I would pull my kid.

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2016 17:36:44 GMT -5 lattelady5 said:

I would ask to speak to the director again. Where was the other teacher who was supposed to be shadowing the hitter?

I was wondering the same thing. She was there at the beginning but there was only one teacher at pickup time. I'm really disappointed, especially with the fact that the teacher didn't mention it, and was so dismissive when I asked her about it.

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2016 18:56:27 GMT -5 quesyrah said:

I would pull my kid.

This is kind of where I'm at, too. I know DS needs to learn to deal with adversity and kids being rough/making mistakes, but I'm just not okay with a kid hitting someone every freaking time at preschool. I don't understand why they're making so many accommodations for the other kid, honestly. 

[lala]

I would ask the director why they didn't follow through with the plan (teacher not there) and then I'd tell her that either the kid goes or I do. In our school this child would probably be moved to a different class and they'd be working with the parents on a plan, possible evaluation, etc.

[mamaalysson]

I agree with all the advice already given, but just want to add my voice to the "you are it over reacting/that shit is not cool" camp. I would not be okay sending my kid somewhere he felt unsafe.

[nowa]

Nope not normal. I'm a parent helper at my kids school 2-3 times a month and have never seen anyone hit or be hit. That remark from the teacher is not cool. Sure, the other kid needs help not anger directed towards him- just a kid and all. But the teacher's remark is what I don't like.

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2016 19:51:07 GMT -5 nowa said:

Nope not normal. I'm a parent helper at my kids school 2-3 times a month and have never seen anyone hit or be hit. That remark from the teacher is not cool. Sure, the other kid needs help not anger directed towards him- just a kid and all. But the teacher's remark is what I don't like.

Out of curiosity, how old are the kids? This is a group of 3s and just-turned-4s. 

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2016 19:39:36 GMT -5 lala said:

I would ask the director why they didn't follow through with the plan (teacher not there) and then I'd tell her that either the kid goes or I do. In our school this child would probably be moved to a different class and they'd be working with the parents on a plan, possible evaluation, etc.

I'll call the director tomorrow. Unfortunately there's only one class for the 3s. I've also heard them talking about an evaluation with the other kid's mom and they said it's not likely to happen before the end of the school year.  

I'm calling other preschools to see if there's anywhere we could actually get in at this point. There's also a free program that's structured a lot like preschool, but parents stay there with the kids. If all else fails, I think I'll bring DS and DD there instead of preschool. It's not as great for independence for DS, but at least I'd know what the hell is going on, and DS loves going there.

[nowa]

Feb 11, 2016 20:20:24 GMT -5 @leftie22 said:

Feb 11, 2016 19:51:07 GMT -5 nowa said:

Nope not normal. I'm a parent helper at my kids school 2-3 times a month and have never seen anyone hit or be hit. That remark from the teacher is not cool. Sure, the other kid needs help not anger directed towards him- just a kid and all. But the teacher's remark is what I don't like.

Out of curiosity, how old are the kids? This is a group of 3s and just-turned-4s. 

They are 4s turning 5. So a bit older.

And I realize it actually is somewhat normal for this to happen so maybe I was a bit rash in my response. But it still rubs me the wrong way for some reason.

[nowa]

I don't know. I just really don't think slapping is something normal that all kids do. All kids really? I mean, normal maybe when kids are 1 or 2, but by 3 I feel like most kids have learned that hitting is not okay.

[Deleted]

Totally not normal and I would be upset about the flippant attitude toward slapping. At our preschool, they write you a note if your kid hit, but etc. wtf!

[quesyrah]

Feb 11, 2016 19:29:44 GMT -5 @leftie22 said:

Feb 11, 2016 18:56:27 GMT -5 quesyrah said:

I would pull my kid.

This is kind of where I'm at, too. I know DS needs to learn to deal with adversity and kids being rough/making mistakes, but I'm just not okay with a kid hitting someone every freaking time at preschool. I don't understand why they're making so many accommodations for the other kid, honestly. 

I mean, I'm willing to give them a chance to work on it and I'm understanding of the other child possibly having extenuating circumstances they are trying to deal with.

But the bottom line is if my kid is getting hurt (physically or emotionally) that often, I'm removing him from the situation.

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2016 20:33:21 GMT -5 quesyrah said:

Feb 11, 2016 19:29:44 GMT -5 @leftie22 said:

This is kind of where I'm at, too. I know DS needs to learn to deal with adversity and kids being rough/making mistakes, but I'm just not okay with a kid hitting someone every freaking time at preschool. I don't understand why they're making so many accommodations for the other kid, honestly. 

I mean, I'm willing to give them a chance to work on it and I'm understanding of the other child possibly having extenuating circumstances they are trying to deal with.

But the bottom line is if my kid is getting hurt (physically or emotionally) that often, I'm removing him from the situation.

I wanted to give it a chance too, but getting slapped on day one of being back really sucks.

And what kills me is that today my son was kind of making excuses for the other kid. Like "Well, xyz sometimes hits because I'm in his way."

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2016 20:30:30 GMT -5 nowa said:

I don't know. I just really don't think slapping is something normal that all kids do. All kids really? I mean, normal maybe when kids are 1 or 2, but by 3 I feel like most kids have learned that hitting is not okay.

I agree. And I felt like the teacher was being really defensive and like she couldn't wait for me to get out of there. Especially weird given that the same kid has shown a very NOT normal level of aggression. 

[vettymama]

I would not be okay with that. It makes me so sad your DS felt the need to make an excuse, preschool is not that environment. I would seriously consider taking him out of the class.

[chatterbox]

I would definitely talk to the director again and probably would move him if they still won't do anything about the other kid. I've been going back and forth about moving DD because I saw her teacher yank her by the arm, so I know it's not an easy decision to make.

[gastro]

Feb 11, 2016 20:28:37 GMT -5 nowa said:

Feb 11, 2016 20:20:24 GMT -5 @leftie22 said:

Out of curiosity, how old are the kids? This is a group of 3s and just-turned-4s. 

They are 4s turning 5. So a bit older.

And I realize it actually is somewhat normal for this to happen so maybe I was a bit rash in my response. But it still rubs me the wrong way for some reason.

I'm with nowa - I work in DS's class 1x a week and have never seen a child hitting another child. He is in a 4/5's class. Even last year DS was in a class with older 2's/3 and no hitting. The only time I saw a child hit was when they were already upset and physically pushing/hitting a teacher who was trying to help. Also in the younger class there was a high enough ratio of adults to kids that if a child was getting angry about something that could result in hitting the teachers were on it with conflict resolution. Kids that age don't just hit out of nowhere unless there is some underlying issue. And if there is it needs to be addressed. The teachers response is unacceptable.

[cna]

I actually feel really bad for the kid. There could be any number of reasons for his behavior and it is up to the adults in his life to do something about it. They certainly aren't doing him any favors by excusing it away as "just being a kid".

[vettymama]

Feb 12, 2016 0:18:56 GMT -5 cna said:

I actually feel really bad for the kid. There could be any number of reasons for his behavior and it is up to the adults in his life to do something about it. They certainly aren't doing him any favors by excusing it away as "just being a kid".

Completely agree. There is no "he's just being a kid" excuse when they are hitting out of no where at this age.