s/o kids and chores

[dizzycooks]

Dd1 has a handful of things she's responsible for and she typically does them without trouble, but what the h do you do when they refuse? For example, "N it's time to set the table, please come down and help me." N: "no." And then she refuses to come down and will say something sassy like "Never" or "you can't catch me". (Not that I chase her!) generally I leave it be until it's actually time to eat and I'll set our places but not hers. However there be been other things I just ask her to do and she responds similarly and it pisses me the F off. Things like putting her shoes away, taking napkins to the laundry or simply going upstairs to play so I can make dinner in peace.
She doesn't get tv ever really so I can't take that away. I tried taking a toy and she laughed at me. She's had more time outs that I think are useful (clearly behaviors isn't changing). Sending her to her room only buys me time to cool off. Discussions go almost no where because she either sasses or says all the right things. She KNOWS better!!
Help!

[mamaalysson]

DD was/is like this too, and I do not deal well with it. I'm not sure that I have good advice, but I have noticed that the awful sassy behavior seems to come in waves, and we'll have just the worst day - tears, yelling, everyone mad - and then the next day is amazing. And it stays amazing for a while, The bottom always drops out again (though not as frequently and not as long lasting anymore), but remembering that my sweet girl is in there somewhere helps. I've also figured out that with my DD, there is almost always something else at play when her behavior craters - not enough sleep, some developmental leap, a change in her routine, her own anxiety about something. It is so, so hard when she is being downright mean and awful, but trying to see past the behavior to what might be triggering it has helped us tremendously. My first reaction is to send her away sonewhere when she is acting up, but snuggling up with her almost always works better. I don't know if any of that is helpful to you, but hugs. You're not alone.

[nicolewi]

That's a tough one. I have no good answer. I usually threaten timeout, and then take some kind of privilege away. However, if we get to the point of total defiant sassiness with DD1, then often she's so out of control that I could take EVERYTHING away and she wouldn't care. Then I usually try just sending her to her room to "take a break" and that often helps. Plus I am usually yelling by then and need a break, too. Also, for her, it's a HUGE DEAL whether she's had enough to eat. We had major, major issues after school in fall that were in part (not all, but in part) definitely related to her needing a snack the minute she walks in the door.

[abs]

It's a tough one. I will tell DD that I will not talk to her or engage with her at all until she does what I asked her to do. She HATES to be ignored so that works for her. If her stalling and not listening takes place at night then I can threaten to take away books, too, and that gets her moving.

[chatterbox]

I don't have older kids, so keep that in mind. But what about a sticker chart where she earns something when she gets a certain amount of stickers. Maybe going to do something special one-on-one with you or a toy she wants. Or maybe an allowance?

[abs]

Oh yeah. Bribery works wonders for anything.

Or rewards. Maybe that sounds better. Positive disclipline and praise for good behavior is very effective here.

[quesyrah]

How old is she?
DS has a white board type chore chart that he checks off. At the end of the day he puts a sticker on his calendar. At the end of the month he can turn it in for a reward

[Kcthepouchh8r]

I try to use natural and logical consequences when possible. I would respond "if I have to take the time to do the table that's time I will not have to (insert some desirable after dinner snack/activity here). Would you like to set the table to have time for x later?"

[Deleted]

Feb 12, 2016 9:49:23 GMT -5 quesyrah said:

How old is she?
DS has a white board type chore chart that he checks off. At the end of the day he puts a sticker on his calendar. At the end of the month he can turn it in for a reward

That's a really cute idea! I think I'll borrow that to help me with all of my DS's stalling.