You know what's interesting about people from the outside looking in and commenting/criticizing? They're just that. On the outside, looking in, with no real idea of anything that goes on.
My mom and sister? Or all of us here?
Because I am seriously starting to wonder what they all would say about me. Because I'm feeling so beat down and tired and it must be my fault or something.
NO. NO. NO.
None of this is your fault. Don't go down that road. You are doing the work of two people when it comes to the kids AND your marriage.
If they're not going to help, they can fuck right off.
You know what's interesting about people from the outside looking in and commenting/criticizing? They're just that. On the outside, looking in, with no real idea of anything that goes on.
My mom and sister? Or all of us here?
Because I am seriously starting to wonder what they all would say about me. Because I'm feeling so beat down and tired and it must be my fault or something.
This is absolutely NOT YOUR FAULT. Repeat that over and over like it's coming from Robin Williams because it's true.
And I'm sorry, but even if you are softer with Lucy (which I'm sure your parenting is fine since you've been doing ALL OF IT) but even if you are, doesn't your H think that it's probably a direct result of him being so hard on her that he gets pissed when the poor kid gets soap in her eyes??? Dude, fuck all of this. I'm so pissed on your behalf.
You know what's interesting about people from the outside looking in and commenting/criticizing? They're just that. On the outside, looking in, with no real idea of anything that goes on.
My mom and sister? Or all of us here?
Because I am seriously starting to wonder what they all would say about me. Because I'm feeling so beat down and tired and it must be my fault or something.
NOPE, NOPE, NOPE.
This is not your fault. I know that you don't know me; I've been reading your posts for a while and seeing so much of my life in them.
It is absolutely not your fault. Your little girl needs to know that you are her "person" because she isn't getting that from him.
It's not your fault. It's so the opposite of your fault that I don't even know how to describe it. Like, the fault is Alaska and you are in the Florida Keys.
I promise you that you are doing a fucking amazing job.
You know what's interesting about people from the outside looking in and commenting/criticizing? They're just that. On the outside, looking in, with no real idea of anything that goes on.
My mom and sister? Or all of us here?
Because I am seriously starting to wonder what they all would say about me. Because I'm feeling so beat down and tired and it must be my fault or something.
No, no, no, no NO! This is NOT your fault. It is so, so hard to balance your time between two kids, let alone two kids that have a significant age difference. And I say that with experience. There is 7 years between my kids and trying to find time for dd was so, so hard when ds was little. I am absolutely 100% sure that I "had no backbone" with dd when ds was a baby because I just didn't have the time or the energy to do it different. H was traveling and almost never home so I was doing it all and it was HARD, dammit.
Listen to me, you are doing the absolute best you can, and doing a damn, damn fine job of it. Do not let anyone tell you or make you think any of this is your fault. When you are married, you expect parenting and marriage to involve BOTH adults, and when that doesn't happen, you do what you need to do.
Huge, huge hugs. You are the bees knees. Don't let anyone tell you different. You deserve better. Much better. I hate that you are going through this. I wish I could help.
Like, in this specific instance, what were you supposed to do? Yell at a kid with shampoo in her eyes and tell her to buck up? Because I'm pretty sure that I cry and get upset when I get shampoo in my eyes and I'm 31. So.
Your H is a dick and from what I've read in the past, it is not your fault, dude.
You know what's interesting about people from the outside looking in and commenting/criticizing? They're just that. On the outside, looking in, with no real idea of anything that goes on.
You know what's interesting about people from the outside looking in and commenting/criticizing? They're just that. On the outside, looking in, with no real idea of anything that goes on.
My mom and sister? Or all of us here?
Because I am seriously starting to wonder what they all would say about me. Because I'm feeling so beat down and tired and it must be my fault or something.
What we would say? Girl, we love you and think you are fantastic. We just want everyone in your life to stop sucking so much ass.
Your H needs to step the fuck up and stop acting like a put upon college frat boy. Your mom and sister can kindly fuck right off. They need to keep their Pinocchio size noses out of your business.
You know what's interesting about people from the outside looking in and commenting/criticizing? They're just that. On the outside, looking in, with no real idea of anything that goes on.
My mom and sister? Or all of us here?
Because I am seriously starting to wonder what they all would say about me. Because I'm feeling so beat down and tired and it must be my fault or something.
What the FUCK. What is the phrase, you think you're depressed and suddenly you look around and you're surrounded by assholes.
I try so hard, you guys Nothing I do is ever enough
I don't "know" you but for what I see on here, but from what I can tell you are the only one holding your family and life together. You're basically a married single parent. Please please don't listen to anyone who is anything but supportive right now. Tell them all if they're not there to help then fuck right off (phrase it nicer if you're nicer than I am). You DO have a backbone and now is the time to really show them. I'm so mad for you @professorartnerd Hugs sweetie
I dropped off some bagels for them for breakfast and grabbed some milk I had in their freezer. Somehow it turned into my mom and sister joking about me not being in control of/able to say no to Lucy.
you're a total warrior. don't let them get to you.
All of this. I'm getting so heated for you prof that I can't read anymore Please update when you've verbally smacked him down hard Thanks! You're where it's at. They don't realize it then it's on them not you.
You are the only one doing anything resembling parenting in this household and your H has the fucking nerve to whine like a little bitch baby? He needs to grow the fuck up and step up or I'd be busting up some glass for his entitled, checked-out ass to walk on.
And that goes double for your mother and sister who first loyalty should be to you - always - and not that asshole who is posing as your husband these days.
If you are easier on L it's because she need you to be. It sounds like your H is really extremely hard with her. You are just giving her a safe place to go which is your job as her Mom and you are doing great. I really think some individual therapy would help you.
ProfessorArtNerd , I completely admire you. You are holding down so much. I think doing all this and not getting support from the person who is supposed to be there for you has got to be tough.
But don't let your tough situation make you feel weak, or less than. YOU ARE AMAZING, and that is clear to anyone on this board. I think it serves your H to have you feeling bad about yourself, and so he makes sure you do. I am really sick over the way he treats you. It may or may not technically be abuse, but you deserve way better.
I read somewhere (maybe here?) that a woman should never be a supporting character in her own life. It's wonderful to be nurturing and take care of other people, but that is not your sole purpose. Your partner in life should equally support and care for you. You have a right to ambition and goals. I just don't get the sense that your H cares about that at all. Maybe he does? But he needs to step up and show you that. Not because he's walking on eggshells, or because you're complaining about it. You just deserve it; everyone does.
"You. You and your crazy life. You and your geographic anomaly. You and your drunken lesbianic ways and terrible navigational skills." - ProfArt and her holy baby