Co-worker desperate to get married.

[prettyinpearls]

One of my co-workers is so desperate to get married, and it’s really sad. We had a networking event a while back and we had to answer the question of “What is your biggest fear?” Her answer was that she’d never get married. She’s been engaged 3 times and worries she’ll never get married.

We were talking to her yesterday and she was telling us how she broke off her most recent engagement because he was cheating. She said she never should’ve been with him in the first place and should’ve listened to her head. In the very next breath she said, “I need to find someone, like yesterday. I’m 33 and I want to have babies, so I need to find someone now”. Oye.

She did at least say she’s not ready to date yet, but it just worries me she’s so focused on being engaged/married/having babies and her ‘timeline’.

No real point to this post…I’ve just never come across someone like this.

[blackkitty]

Poor thing

[heavenly]

One of my best friends is like this and it is driving me bonkers. She is also a virgin and waiting for marriage. She is age 36. However, I really feel for her, she just had surgery because of cysts and her days of baby making are extremely limited in a matter of months now.

I get that we should not be desperate but at the same time, watching your dreams fall apart is not easy. I'd be lying if I say I don't want a companion.

[jade28]

Yeah I get torn about this too. Sure I can live my life alone and be happy and keep myself busy with my hobbies and activities. I know I don't need a guy.

But honestly, I want a guy. I want babies. I want a life with someone. So call me desperate, but I am going to look for that now and forever even when I am happy single. I am still young though so I know I have time but I don't blame people who start to get antsy when they know they won't be able to have kids soon, etc. Of course, I agree this should not lead to bad decisions and continuous unhealthy relationships but still, I understand the sense of panic.

Being a mom is a dream of mine and I don't think that is bad. Will I "settle" for that dream? No. But I am sure going to try and make it happen.

[Deleted]

Honestly I would say I know very few people who aren't EXACTLY like your coworker.

[achase123]

I've met plenty of women like this and it makes me sad. I do wonder what my attitude would be if I didn't have P though. I think that the biological clock is really an issue and fear for a lot of women.

I actually just wrote a blog post about this (well I reference this topic) because I was kind of doing Cliff's Notes on the book "Be Honest: You Aren't THAT Into Him Either".

Do you still follow my blog PIP? It might be a good book for her to read.

[achase123]

I don't think any of us are desperate. Desperate would mean that we would be willing to compromise what we want and deserve because we want to be in a relationship, or married, or have babies (or more babies in my case).

I know that it took me a long time to be comfortable with the admission that I DO want to meet someone. I enjoyed being married and I hope that someday I will find love and have the real thing. I am not willing to settle for someone who isn't right for me just becuase of this. But I still want it all the same.

I think that there's a huge difference between wanting something but waiting for the RIGHT situation, versus being with someone who you know in your heart isn't quite right, just because you want the white picket fence and your ovaries are itching to have 2.5 kids.

[hainesherway]

I agree with Jade. I'm 34, divorced with no kids. When I went through my divorce, I was scared that I would never find someone in enough time to have kids. Luckily I found a great guy, and hopefully it will all work out.

After going through a divorce, I would not settle for less than I was looking for in a mate, but that means the risk of either never being able to have kids or intentionally becoming a single mom, which isn't the ideal situation for me.

[heavenly]

Aug 30, 2012 11:21:09 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I don't think any of us are desperate. Desperate would mean that we would be willing to compromise what we want and deserve because we want to be in a relationship, or married, or have babies (or more babies in my case).

I know that it took me a long time to be comfortable with the admission that I DO want to meet someone. I enjoyed being married and I hope that someday I will find love and have the real thing. I am not willing to settle for someone who isn't right for me just becuase of this. But I still want it all the same.

I think that there's a huge difference between wanting something but waiting for the RIGHT situation, versus being with someone who you know in your heart isn't quite right, just because you want the white picket fence and your ovaries are itching to have 2.5 kids.

I totally agree with this but then again I have a child. I think if I didn't have ds in my life to ground me, I think I may have been more concern with the timing.

[turtle1120]

If she was really, really desperate she would have gone ahead and married the guy who cheated on her. At least she had enough sense to walk away from him, and two prior people who weren't right for her. It's a scary thing to think you're not going to be able to have kids. It's not like us women have all the time in the world. There is a certain point where it's just not possible anymore.

I used to really worry about being alone and never having kids too. My perspective and views have changed significantly now that I have DD. I do really want a relationship and to be married, but at the same time I know I'll be fine without it and I no longer have a sense of urgency like I used to.

[starburst604]

I've known a lot of women like that, sadly. I think I could have been one of them had I stayed with my last boyfriend. When I was considering ending it, for the first time I really thought to myself that having a family might never happen because I was 35 and was it worth it to lose that possibility and try to start over yet again? During that process I made peace with that possibility and realized that my life could still be great even if it didn't happen for me. Oddly I met T a very short time after that (5 weeks). I say oddly because I'm normally single for years between relationships. I am so happy I didn't settle and miss out on our relationship.

[prettyinpearls]

I agree with the pp who said that there¡¦s a difference between being lonely/wanting a relationship and truly being desperate by settling. What worries me about my co-worker is that she¡¦s been engaged 3 times..thankfully she didn¡¦t go through with the marriages, but I wonder what will push her over the edge and settle for the wrong guy. She¡¦s a great girl, so I hope she doesn¡¦t do this.

A ¡V Yes, I still follow your blog but I haven¡¦t been on there in forever! I¡¦ll check it out ƒº