Controlling yourself

[dizzycooks]

How do you calm yourself down when you've totally lost it? I am at the end of my rope over here. My baby is sitting I. The bouncer screaming and has been for almost an hour encase I can't pick her up. My 4yo won't listen or entertain herself. My 2yo is being. A monkey as usual. I'm at the end of my rope this week. I need to be the adult here and I'm really not doing it well.

[maloney]

Days like that I just do what it takes to get everyone around be calm. This usually is watching hours of paw patrol. Deep breaths, going into my room alone too

[abs]

Can you get out tonight? When I feel like this the only thing that helps is time to myself and silence.

Hugs.

[gastro]

Can you all go out for a walk? Fresh air usually calms me down but also my kids, especially the baby.

I had to babywear the baby for months so I could get things done and interact with my DS. He lived in the moby the first three months of his life.

If else fails, bribery.

[lala]

Honestly in those days we went out. Though, Mine weren't that close together; when jack was born I had a 5.5 & 2.5 year old.

But going out really saves us even now. A change of scenery, fresh air, music in the car. Sometimes it's a fun thing for them - park, zoo, library, etc. sometimes it's just errands. The mall to throw pennies in the fountain. My mom's house. Ikea.

I don't worry about housework or chore type stuff. Minimal laundry and food.

It's also okay to ditch the 4 and/or 2 year olds in their room for a bit to give everyone a break. If needed I put one of the girls in my room so they aren't sharing space.

Things like a picnic lunch while watching a movie, new paints or crayons, bathing suits in the bathtub, an "experiment."

Hang in there; it's hard. And if you are feeling that the anxiety is creeping up, talk to your doctor again.

[gastro]

Build them a quick fort, put a flashlight in there and let them eat a snack in there. Tell them it's the quiet zone. First one to make a peep turns into a fish.

Laugh. Tell jokes - make up silly ones or google knock knock jokes. Have your kids make up their own.

Play hide and seek and make them hide. Act like you are looking everywhere while you sit on the couch and sip coffee.

[chatterbox]

The only time I've felt like I was going to lose it is in the middle of the night when DD is screaming and won't go back to sleep. I just try to tell myself she's not doing it on purpose over and over again. It helps a little.

[nicolewi]

TELEVISION and/or making them go outside/going outside with them. If the older two watch a show or something, that gives you some time to focus on the baby. Maybe the baby will nap and then all will be better.

[quesyrah]

Go outside. A change of scenery has always worked for both my kids (and me).

Pack everyone up and go to the park, hit an indoor playground, wander the mall or whatever the older kids like.

First, walk away. From all of them. Go in the other room, slowly count to ten, have some water and then go back and get everyone out of the house.

And please call your doctor. It's so easy for the anxiety/PPD to creep up so slowly that you don't fully realize it's happening.

[dizzycooks]

I have them lunch and went to my sitting room and nursed dd3. Then we did stories and they are sleeping. I think I scared dd3 into cooperating because she came to me after about 5 minutes and asked me to come eat with them. I feel terrible. It's drizzling out and cold, I have no desire to go out. If it weren't nap time the mall would be a good answer. I tried taking them to the Y yesterday and that blew up in my face so I'm not really up for that again. Maybe a bath after nap time would be good. Dd1 had a friend coming to visit before dinner and her mother is coming with to visit. I'm not in the mood, but I know if I cancel dd1 will freak and it's not worth it. Thanks ladies, going to take some deep breaths now. I may try a yoga class tonight after they get to bed.

[mamaalysson]

So many good suggestions. Sending them off somewhere so I can collect myself is always good (backyard, playroom, turn on a show, or park them on the couch with the iPad). But finding a way to get physical and laugh WITH them is also so helpful. Dance party, tickle fight, pillow fight in the big bed, obstacle course. Taking a walk helps us too.

Hang in there, dizzy. And, yes, please check in with your doctor again if you feel that anxiety creeping back up.

[nicolewi]

Glad it's going better. How old is the baby??

People always say to go somewhere, but I never understood that. Packing all the kids up to go anywhere is usually enough to make me lose it even if I was in a good mood to start with. Maybe if we lived where it was nicer out, and we were just going to the park or something. But to pack them all up in winter (potty, diapers, shoes on, jackets, hats, car seats, diaper bag) and try to go somewhere, and then have someone have to use the potty or whatever...it's not easy for me. Plus nursing. It's super hard to time it right with a really little baby. and timing around naps for all of them. But more power to you if it works for you! Just saying that if it doesn't, you are not alone!

Sometimes nursing is my sanity saver, b/c I go where it's quiet and feed the baby while the other ones play or watch a show, and I get to use my phone or read a magazine for a little bit.

[dizzycooks]

Baby is 8 weeks today. I really thought we were doing pretty well, but winter is killing me.

[nicolewi]

8 weeks is totally still just survival mode. Hang in there.

[lala]

Seriously, you're still in the 4th trimester. Survival. Low expectations. I wasn't even cooking much by then. It was summer so that was easier in many ways.

[dizzycooks]

Feb 23, 2016 16:44:57 GMT -5 @tooshort said:

Feb 23, 2016 16:29:43 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

Baby is 8 weeks today. I really thought we were doing pretty well, but winter is killing me.

It's pretty mild. I would bundle them up and throw the bigs outside.

Are my kids the only ones who will not go play without me? If I put them outside they will stand at the door and scream. If I tell them to go to the playroom they will come right back, if I go with them they sit next to me while I nurse. They are currently sitting next to/on me while I try to nurse.

[Deleted]

Feb 23, 2016 18:24:07 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

Feb 23, 2016 16:44:57 GMT -5 @tooshort said:

It's pretty mild. I would bundle them up and throw the bigs outside.

Are my kids the only ones who will not go play without me? If I put them outside they will stand at the door and scream. If I tell them to go to the playroom they will come right back, if I go with them they sit next to me while I nurse. They are currently sitting next to/on me while I try to nurse.

Oh I feel your pain man ds always needs one of us to go in the playroom. Cue 6 am Saturday morning, I'm huddled at a tiny table, in a tiny chair, trying to drink my coffee and color or play cars or whatever!!! Hang in there!!!

[abs]

Feb 23, 2016 18:24:07 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

Feb 23, 2016 16:44:57 GMT -5 @tooshort said:

It's pretty mild. I would bundle them up and throw the bigs outside.

Are my kids the only ones who will not go play without me? If I put them outside they will stand at the door and scream. If I tell them to go to the playroom they will come right back, if I go with them they sit next to me while I nurse. They are currently sitting next to/on me while I try to nurse.

I feel you. DD is TERRIBLE about playing by herself. Every now and then the stars will align and she will play by herself for a little while but mostly she just won't. She will play in the backyard for about 10 minutes. Then she wants someone to join her.   

I blame myself.  I spent so much time on the floor with her when she was younger trying to get her to talk. I didn't care if my 2 year old could entertain herself--I cared about hearing her voice. Well jokes on me. She now never stops talking ever and she won't leave me alone.

[chatterbox]

Is there a high school kid in your neighborhood you could hire to play with them for an hour or two a few times per week? I've paid the neighbor girl a couple times to do this and it was great. I've had my brother come over a few times too when I wasn't feeling well and just couldn't deal. Hang in there! What you are doing is not easy and wouldn't be for anyone.

[jag01]

Dizzycooks, sorry to hear that your having a tough go. Please take care of yourself. At 8 weeks it's pretty hard to get away alone, but even if your DH could entertain the kids while you have a bath uninterrupted. Do whatever it takes to make it through the day.

[Deleted]

I always feel like I have to respond to stuff, especially when the kids aren't cooperating, but sometimes you just have to let it go. Walk away, take deep breaths, tell yourself positive things "I can handle this, it's going to be ok, etc."

My kids won't play alone or go outside alone either, and it's exhausting! In that case, a change of scenery (just changing rooms if you can't go out) seems to help. Or I pull out a toy they haven't seen in a while.

No matter what, some days are just write-offs. Today I got in my pyjamas at 2pm because no one was cooperating. Better to let everything slide on days like that. I also hid in my room for a while, just to be further away from DD's incessant crying for a while. Do whatever helps.

It does sound like you might be having some PPD/PPA. For me, the second time around it showed up as impatience and anger more than anything else. I know how hard it is. I hope you have good supports. Do something nice for yourself tonight!

[quesyrah]

Is there a park you can go to?

At home, my kids are awfull about playing outside alone. At a park? All day and they never want to leave .

[louiej]

Let's go to the zoo!

[vettymama]

You've been given great advice. I'm so scared of this in June. I'll have a 3.5 yr old, 2 year old, and newborn. Hugs. Hope it's been better lately.

[dizzycooks]

Feb 24, 2016 9:51:43 GMT -5 vettymama said:

You've been given great advice. I'm so scared of this in June. I'll have a 3.5 yr old, 2 year old, and newborn. Hugs. Hope it's been better lately.

3under4 is not a joke. I NEED warm weather. Honestly, winter and I are not friends to start with, sticking me inside with little people in the winter on very little sleep has been torture some days. As nicolewi pointed out the logistics of going out are sometimes worse than staying in. You're in mn right vettymama? Perhaps we can have a gtg.

[dizzycooks]

louiej give me a day. We are all open most weeks. @tooshort you need to join us.

[melew]

dizzycooks, I am sorry you are having a rough day! For me, getting out of the house was the best, but staying in the car. So drive-thru coffee places were my go to. It gave me enough time to have a change of scenery, but not have to be dressed. You've got this. You're doing a great job even if the day is rough!

[rosesandpetals]

8 weeks is still survival mode for sure. But also, keep a hidden stash of balloons. Unexpected balloons will entertain dd for a relatively long amount of time when I needed a break.

[Deleted]

Oh yes drive thru is always a good one! McDonald's is my go to for rough days. Good iced coffee and the fries plus kids like it!

[vettymama]

Feb 24, 2016 9:55:59 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

Feb 24, 2016 9:51:43 GMT -5 vettymama said:

You've been given great advice. I'm so scared of this in June. I'll have a 3.5 yr old, 2 year old, and newborn. Hugs. Hope it's been better lately.

3under4 is not a joke. I NEED warm weather. Honestly, winter and I are not friends to start with, sticking me inside with little people in the winter on very little sleep has been torture some days. As nicolewi pointed out the logistics of going out are sometimes worse than staying in. You're in mn right vettymama? Perhaps we can have a gtg.

I try to get the boys outside every day, even if it's just to walk around the house or get the mail. I have outside animal chores to do twice a day so we get out plenty, but it doesn't do much for a bad day since it's so routine.

I am in southern MN but grew up an hour west of the cities. I would travel up for a MN get-together sometime!