I'm still so sad

[Deleted]

This is really just more of a vent post, so that I can get it out and stop annoying my friends and keep it together at work.

I'm seriously so sad things didn't work out with the dude. I know it was a super short "relationship," we met in March as friends. But something about us just seemed to click and really I've never felt so comfortable with someone ever. He really made me feel like it was okay to just be me.

I realize what happened is for the best and clearly in the end we were on different pages, but I'm just so incredibly sad. I realized I've never gone through an actual "break up" before. In my other instances of dating, the guys just disappeared and when I left my marriage I had never been happier.

Basically this sucks. I don't think I'll be ready to date again for a long, long time.

[Deleted]

Aug 30, 2012 13:23:14 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Ugh that sucks. Are you going to counseling? It might help sort out your feelings on relationships v. relationships that are but aren't really relationships. It seems like you are a bit confused as to what you really want.

Sorry you lost a good friend in him in the process. ((hugs))

Yea I am. In fact I have an appointment today and then tomorrow. I do think this brought a huge sense of clarity for me in that I do want the commitment, but still want something more casual in terms of interaction and I definitely don't think I want to live with someone.

I guess on the bright side, I sort of got that clarified?

[Deleted]

Aug 30, 2012 13:29:37 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

There you go! It definitely is good for clarity. I usually go into therapy with a list of things I want to talk about--my therapist is always like, "get our your list!" haha

Ha! I love it. I pretty much have a single focus this session. But seriously I LOVE me some therapy.

[Deleted]

Aug 30, 2012 13:36:54 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

[That's a great thing! I know a guy who is kind of like you ... wants some commitment but not too much... he always wants his own place, never wants kids or to get married. We were in Carmel, CA one weekend and we saw these little houses that were on the same property and were pretty close to each other right on the beach. They were so cool... like 60s style with a courtyard in the middle and very interesting design. Close but not too close to each other.

He was obsessed with them because he wanted an arrangement like that in the future. He didn't want to share his entire life with someone but didn't really want to be alone either. He wants seperate houses forever and didn't want to be forced to converse with someone everyday. He wants his alone time.

We didn't last but there are men out there who are looking for the same type of arrangement.

OMG! Send me this guy's number! Kidding. But seriously as a kid I would always say if I get married I want to live in separate houses as my husband, but like next door to each other.

[achase123]

Huge hugs to you. What I do when I'm feeling blue is a little something for myself each day. Like maybe one day you treat yourself to Starbucks, another day you have wine with a good friend, and another you go get a pedi. It's something to look forward to when you're feeling like there's nothing fun in the future.

[wrathofkuus]

Hey, all this means is that you actually had a good time dating someone, for once. No need to give up temporarily due to that.

[Deleted]

Aug 30, 2012 13:49:12 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

That's exactly what he wants! 3 different girls have proposed to him basically and he said no to all of them. He just wants his own space... he loves to read, drink wine and not be bothered.

Everyone thinks they can change him... they will be the one to make him settle down, get married and have a family etc. There is no way this will happen... he is perfectly happy with his life and they are just wasting their time trying to change him. He is 36 years old and he is who he is.

I had no desire to change him... when we dated he was exactly what I wanted. Lots of good sex, wine, a beach house and no long term commitment He is extremely funny and tall and sexy... but stubborn and a bit of a drinker. He gets depressed from time to time so he has his own issues but he was lots of fun.

Umm he totally sounds perfect! I love someone who is a bit of a drinker, and I also have moments where I get depressed. This is giving me hope Red!

[emma245]

Aug 30, 2012 13:40:44 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Huge hugs to you. What I do when I'm feeling blue is a little something for myself each day. Like maybe one day you treat yourself to Starbucks, another day you have wine with a good friend, and another you go get a pedi. It's something to look forward to when you're feeling like there's nothing fun in the future.

This is great advice. Im going through a break up right now and my therapist told me to do what "I need" every day whether thats vegging, hitting the gym, or downing some wine (ok that last one isnt the most prudent advice).

Either way, know that the cheesy phrase "Everything happens for a reason is true" This relationship made you realize what things you do and don't want so now you are open to the future which is exciting!!

[jade28]

It's ok to be sad. It's frustrating to lose people from your life, whether friends, a fun dating partner or a bf - whether brief or not, they each add something to your life and probably bring out different parts of you that you enjoy.

It's hard to click with someone so of course it's always a bummer to have to wait again for that kind of chemistry. But you know it happens and it will happen again. Just keep on being your amazing self and spending time doing what you love because that will bring people who will love you.

[heavenly]

"One day at a time" and "This too shall pass" is what I been telling myself these days. I am embarrassed to say how sad I have been this past week. I am finally out of that worse feeling stage and things are starting to get a little brighter little by little. This won't last forever.

I had to force myself to reach out to some friends and tell them to take me out to get my mind off of things. I also revamped my place to keep me busy but I am afraid I bit more than I chew because my place is looking like a disaster in the middle of all the decor changes.

Try to find and do something that makes you happy as hard as that sounds right now. Big hugs...

[turtle1120]

I'm sorry you're feeling sad, but it's great that this experience has helped you identify what it is that you want out of future relationships. You're one step closer to finding what you want!

[Deleted]

Thanks for the support ladies. I've really been focused on doing things to distract rather than dwell. My dad and step mom are taking me and my friends out to my favorite restaurant tonight, a dinner he was suppose to come to, so it's bittersweet. My dad also gave me some bucks for "retail therapy."

The thing is it just starts to make me sadder that I'm not excited about doing stuff and nothing really makes me feel better. At least each day is slowly getting better. I know he's going out with one of the other girls tonight, because he told me "in full disclosure" when we were breaking up. When I reminded him that he was suppose to be coming to dinner with me, a day he specifically picked, he was like "oh right..." Now I'm kinda starting to see what an ass he was.

[wrathofkuus]

It's the high hopes that are probably getting you. I think that happens to people a lot, that they are all giddy when they like someone, and then when they don't like that person any more really, they feel sad and kind of like they really want to cling more because they miss the feeling of liking that person. I know it happened to me plenty.