New here

[Deleted]

Thank you for the replies. I don't feel like this is the right place for me but I appreciate your advice.

[FormerlyRR]

Tip one, stop talking to him. He is basically the source of the pain, and as long as you act like he is your friend it will delay healing.

I'm sure someone else with a clearer head will say it better than I can now, tho. Damn flu.

[Deleted]

Mar 6, 2016 13:06:48 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

Tip one, stop talking to him. He is basically the source of the pain, and as long as you act like he is your friend it will delay healing.

I'm sure someone else with a clearer head will say it better than I can now, tho. Damn flu.

I find it to be the opposite. My emotions are for the loss of our relationship not because he hurt me. I'm mourning the situation that he is obviously a part of but I fully plan on going through this as positive as I can and communicating with him is a part of that process for me.

[FormerlyRR]

Mar 6, 2016 13:18:26 GMT -5 @micheleb18 said:

Mar 6, 2016 13:06:48 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

Tip one, stop talking to him. He is basically the source of the pain, and as long as you act like he is your friend it will delay healing.

I'm sure someone else with a clearer head will say it better than I can now, tho. Damn flu.

I find it to be the opposite. My emotions are for the loss of our relationship not because he hurt me. I'm mourning the situation that he is obviously a part of but I fully plan on going through this as positive as I can and communicating with him is a part of that process for me.

Okay, then I got nothing. Sorry. 

[bg]

There's zero chance that stbxh and I will ever be friends, so maybe someone else who is friends with their ex will chime in, but I agree with RamblingRose -- at least for now, cut contact about anything but the logistics of the divorce with your stbxh. You need to focus on yourself now and who you are without him.

It's completely normal to be a mess right now. Like you said, you're mourning. Feel whatever you're feeling. Journal, post here, exercise, focus on a hobby, enjoy putting together your new place. Lean on your family and friends for support.

[Deleted]

Cut him out of your life NOW.  You can't remain friends and using his "friendship" as a crutch to get over him is going to fail every single time.  You have no children together and therefore absolutely no reason to remain in contact.  

[cuddlyevil]

Mar 6, 2016 13:18:26 GMT -5 @micheleb18 said:

Mar 6, 2016 13:06:48 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

Tip one, stop talking to him. He is basically the source of the pain, and as long as you act like he is your friend it will delay healing.

I'm sure someone else with a clearer head will say it better than I can now, tho. Damn flu.

I find it to be the opposite. My emotions are for the loss of our relationship not because he hurt me. I'm mourning the situation that he is obviously a part of but I fully plan on going through this as positive as I can and communicating with him is a part of that process for me.

Therapy helped me.

You will need to set boundaries with him though. Because at some point you both will be dating and those people may not appreciate the friendship. Also, you're grieving the life you thought you'd have and it will hurt to see him living that dream with someone else.

[Deleted]

Aaaaaand she deleted. Seriously? Some people don't want to hear the truth.

[FormerlyRR]

Mar 6, 2016 14:27:30 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

Aaaaaand she deleted. Seriously? Some people don't want to hear the truth.

We don't know her lyfe. ::shrug::
Maybe iVillage would be a better fit? I hear that it's a warm fuzzy place.

[bg]

Mar 6, 2016 14:27:30 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

Aaaaaand she deleted. Seriously? Some people don't want to hear the truth.

Sometimes people have to experience things themselves. But I do agree it didn't seem to be delete worthy.

[FormerlyRR]

Sheesh. She actually deactivated. That was quick.

[cuddlyevil]

Sometimes they're not ready.

[pandora]

Mar 6, 2016 15:23:22 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

Sometimes they're not ready.

This was my thought in reading although I missed the original post. Many of us have to go through something before learning what not to do for next time. It's all a journey and if she finds herself ready in the future, I hope she is able to reach out then since many of us have been through this and want the best for her.

[FormerlyRR]

Mar 6, 2016 15:23:22 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

Sometimes they're not ready.

Eh. I may be especially bitchy today because of how I feel, but her post struck me as looking for validation, not actual advice. 

[cuddlyevil]

Mar 6, 2016 15:50:01 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

Mar 6, 2016 15:23:22 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

Sometimes they're not ready.

Eh. I may be especially bitchy today because of how I feel, but her post struck me as looking for validation, not actual advice. 

She sounded pretty sure of herself, but I think it was more trying to convince herself that she's doing well.

[1confused1]

Mar 6, 2016 15:50:01 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

Mar 6, 2016 15:23:22 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

Sometimes they're not ready.

Eh. I may be especially bitchy today because of how I feel, but her post struck me as looking for validation, not actual advice. 

FWIW, I agreed with you, I just didn't have time earlier to post.

[FormerlyRR]

Mar 6, 2016 19:39:48 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

Mar 6, 2016 15:50:01 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

Eh. I may be especially bitchy today because of how I feel, but her post struck me as looking for validation, not actual advice. 

FWIW, I agreed with you, I just didn't have time earlier to post.

Thanks.