siblings touching privates

[omgmykidsae]

This is an AE because I know a couple of people on here IRL and it makes me nervous.  I don't know if this is a big deal or not, and I've been up all night worrying.  Yesterday afternoon, I was upstairs folding laundry, and my 6 year old son and 5 year old daughter (they're 18 mos apart) were downstairs playing.  When I came downstairs, I found the door to the basement closed, so I went down there and saw my daughter jump up. I asked them what they were doing, they said just playing, etc., etc.  I thought they were doing something sneaky, but they seemed fine and I just let it go. 

Then when I was putting them to bed last night, my son sat up and said Mom I have to tell you the truth, she wanted me to tickle her privates. So I talked to him some more and found out that my daughter apparently pulled her pants down to her knees and my son touched her or tickled her or something. She supposedly did not touch him. They agree that she asked him to. They say they've never done it before or with other kids.  We talked to them about keeping our bodies private, they seem to understand that they are not allowed to touch someone elses private parts. Still, I'm so upset!

Do I stop giving them baths together? They're so close in age, I wash them together most nights.

They are supposed to sleep over my brother's this weekend with his kids because they're babysitting for us on Friday night, and I'm afraid to let them go now because what if they try this with my niece and nephew?

Is there anything else I should be doing - buy some books to teach them? Take them to a therapist? 

[speckledfrog]

Sounds pretty innocent. I would just reiterate with both where they can touch their privates and who is allowed to touch them. I'd also talk about what they can say if someone else asks them to touch their privates. My suggestion is to approach it in a manner of fact way.

[shopgirl07]

It sounds like normal curiosity, although I understand why you're freaked out.

I actually would stop bathing them together. I think they're old enough for privacy now. I would just reiterate what the private areas are and appropriate touching, etc.

[papie]

Ok, breathe. I think some kids are really curious at that age. I don't have a strong opinion either way about the bath, they are still pretty young. I would definitely stay in the bathroom when they are in it, and get them out immediately if they seem too interested in their parts. My girls (5 and 8) and super curious about their brother's penis, especially the 5yo, so I have to repeat regularly that we don't touch other people's privates. I would also tell your daughter that she can tickle herself all she wants, but only when she is alone in her room, and that we don't tickle each other, especially not with siblings. Kids are curious, they are exploring. It's all normal imo.

My 8yo has no interest in her privates. My 5yo is obsessed. So we regularly send her up to her room if we catch her with a hand in her pants, and then she touches herself alone, lol,

[whitemerlot]

I agree that it seems normal.

I don't give my 4 and 6 year old a bath together and haven't since my dd turned 3 because she was nonstop grabbing my sons penis. He thought it was kind of funny.

[underwaterrhymes]

Curiosity is normal. This is normal. It feels good and that's what they know.

That said, it is important to keep reiterating in a calm and matter of fact way who is and is not allowed to touch their private areas.

[isabel]

I would stop bathing them together. They're obviously old enough that this is an issue and it's probably time for some privacy.

Like others though, I would say that this isn't a huge deal. Continue to reiterate that no one should touch their private areas but you and their dad, that DD is welcome to touch herself in the privacy of her room, etc.

[Deleted]

Totally normal.


I would probably stop the baths - I am about to with mine - 7 and 3 years.

Now is the time to reiterate all of the important stuff. I got my DS a book called "no trespassing" from amazon and it was awesome.

[nachos]

Normal curiosity. KOKO with the private parts talks, and try not to be upset or flustered when discussing. (not that I think your kids saw that in your discussion last night, btw)

It might be time for private baths - your DD obviously knew, by her reaction to you coming into the room, that it wasn't appropriate. I'd reiterate the 'touching is something you do alone in your room' and not touching anyone else.

[pixelpassion]

This is right around that age where kids start getting curious about their own and others' private areas. I think you responded very well, and will probably need to keep having conversations about what's appropriate or not appropriate.

Although since you are working toward building some healthy boundaries between your DD and DS, now would be a good time to have them start bathing separately.

[circa1978]

Seems totally normal to me. My mom found me with one of the neighbor boys at that age doing pretty much the same thing. She responded by grounding me from the pool that day. #traumatized

[Deleted]

I agree that it's normal but I would probably give your brother a heads up that there's an uptick in curiosity about private things lately and that you've spoken to them about it.