Truly no judgement, biting question (yes, again).

[Brie]

I mean, how else can they escalate biting prevention besides a muzzle or kicking the kid out?

It sounds like they're doing all they can do and I would be happy with that response.

[redheadk]

I have to agree with Brie but they could try keeping them separate as much as reasonably possible. That can be difficult during outside free play time but should be fairly manageable indoors.

Is the biting occurring during a particular time?

[rex]

it sounds like they are handling it well. i wouldn't seek to do anything further, and besides kicking the kid out what could they do?

L isn't in daycare and was bit by a friend weekly for awhile, so i get it sucks. it's a phase that ends though, so the other kid will stop! 

[anna7602]

I don't know, but as a completely random anecdote, I want to share that the girl who bit DD repeatedly in preschool at age 2 and whom I labeled in my head as "thug girl" ended up being at summer camp with DD years later (when they were 7). I was practically in shock when DD came home and told me how much she was playing with "thug girl" and sure enough, I saw the girl again and she is lovely now, sweet and normal and not thuggish at all. I guess my point it is that being a biter does not mean you are a deranged psychopath?

[mrssandro]

I feel for the mom's of biters. That is so hard to navigate at that age.

I think they are doing all they can. I think this just the norm at this age.

[ilikedonuts]

I agree that other then having someone specifically assigned to that kid all the time, there isn't much they can really do.

But I understand and would be all my baaaaaaaaaby if my kid was bit 4 times in 2 months too.

Its just a kid thing though and thankfully they outgrow it!

[Brie]

Mar 14, 2016 13:31:34 GMT -5 swizz said:

Mar 14, 2016 13:29:04 GMT -5 Brie said:

I mean, how else can they escalate biting prevention besides a muzzle or kicking the kid out?

It sounds like they're doing all they can do and I would be happy with that response.

The director told me they have kicked out kids for biting before. 

I am happy with the response, but I mean, is it reasonable to expect that she'll get bit weekly for the unforeseen future? (not sarcastic!)

Yeah, kinda.  It's the age.  C had a friend in the 2 year old room that everybody lovingly called "Sharkita."  He was probably bitten weekly or bi-weekly for a few months, including one that involved an UC visit for breaking the skin.

I don't really agree with kicking kids out for biting unless they are a) well out of toddlerhood and b) genuinely violent and uncontrollable.  It is an annoying toddler stage, but it really IS just a stage. 

[tootsie]

My kid kept getting bitten at her old daycare and it really pissed me off. This kid would bite her so hard that she'd get giant bruises and it broke the skin multiple times. The director blamed it on her shy personality and the biter would only get suspended if he bit her 3 times within a week. So for multiple weeks she was "only" bitten twice, so there were no repercussions for him. It got to the point where it seemed to make my shy kid withdraw even further because she didn't feel safe.

It sounds like your daycare is at least way more proactive than mine, who basically shrugged their shoulders and said "oh well." I feel sorry for the parents of biters, but I feel sorrier for the kids who get targeted and get bruised and broken skin.

[schrodinger]

DD was regularly bitten (about 2-4x/month) until she moved up into the 3's class at her school. Even now though, they are still dealing with a biter in her class. The biter's family just moved to the US and she doesn't speak any English. I'm sure that the biting is due to the frustration over not being able to communicate at all. It sucks, but as long as the school is doing what they can there's not much you can do.

[pinotgrig]

I do think that's a lot. :/ And I wouldn't be thrilled but I'd be encouraged they seem to be taking steps to help. I'd give it more time and see if it improves.

I'm sorry she's getting bitten. I've been there and it sucks. Thankfully the biter in G's class had a short reign of terror that was over quickly.

[dottyblue]

4 times in two months doesn't feel frequent to me. It sounds like they are handling it appropriately and it's more the daycare's handling of the situation that would bring out my "burn it down!" reaction.

DS1 was targeted by a biter when he was around 14 months. He was bitten three days in a row; on the third day the biter climbed a baby gate to get to my DS because daycare had separated them (in-home with 2 caretakers). Biter really didn't like my DS for some reason; the bites were unprovoked with no toys involved. Biter never went after any other kids. One of the bites was in the middle of my DS's back! Even in that scenario, while I was upset because my sweet boy was covered in bites, daycare responded appropriately and I never felt like I, personally, needed to escalate anything. Biter was eventually asked to leave.

[chedifuen]

My son was bit repeatedly shortly after moving up to a new room in daycare. He was moving in to the two year old room, so he wasn't quite two, and he was bit repeatedly by an almost three year old that was getting ready to move up to her new room.

Honestly, I was LIVID after the 4 bite in two days. It broke the skin on his face and he does have a small scar. Nothing they were doing was working so I demanded that either my son be moved back to his old room until the biter moved to her new room or that they move her up early. Essentially, I didn't want them in the same room at all.

Yes, biting is developmentally normal and most kids go through it. But at the same time, my kid deserves to feel safe and not get hurt repeatedly.

[greycat]

Last year we had an issue with DS being bitten frequently by a classmate. He was being bitten or scratched several times a week for about a month and a half. Eventually the center wound up separating the two of them for a little over a month and that seemed to reset them. They were (and still are) buddies and mostly played really well together. In our case, the biting was often unprovoked and seemed to be more impulse related than over toys (occasionally it was over toys).

Hang in there!

[sparty04]

Mar 14, 2016 13:36:21 GMT -5 mrssandro said:

I feel for the mom's of biters. That is so hard to navigate at that age.

I think they are doing all they can. I think this just the norm at this age.

I agree with this even though my kid was often the victim of a the class biter. I can't imagine a more helpless feeling than getting kicked out of a daycare because of this. For DS1, it did eventually stop after maybe 4-6 months after the biter matured and stopped teething.

[juliette21]

My son is the biter. He's bitten 10 times since November. We are getting a speech eval for him, but if we didn't the director said he would be put on a behavior plan and would get kicked out if he did it 5 more times. 

I know it's awful for your DD, but it's also really hard as the mom of a biter. I feel so completely powerless, I talk to him all the time about biting, give him time-outs at home when he does it, etc. I really can't afford other daycare centers around us so I don't know what I'd do if he got kicked out. I am hoping the speech eval sheds some light on this and he hopefully won't get moved onto a behavior plan. 

[bunch]

I also have a biter. Fortunately (?) she only bites me and her sister. How hard is C being bit? I ask because that would change my opinion. I have a permanent scar on my leg from where dd2 bit me through my pants a few mos ago. She's broken dd1's skin. Knowing how much that hurts, I'd be pretty upset if my kid was being bit like that. If it's just a more 'normal' bite, I wouldn't be really concerned. DD2 got bit a lot last year because she's also a toy stealer.

FWIW I don't really know what to do with my biter either. She know's it's a really nasty, rotten thing to do, that's why she does it.

[winemaker06]

I didn't think our daycare handled biting well, but they handle it better than yours is (I think).
My kid was doing the biting along with one other boy. They shadowed them for awhile, and nothing seemed to help. I know my son bit 10 times in 2 months, I don't THINK it was always the same kid but can't be sure.

Ultimately they moved the two boys to the next classroom up (they were 18 months, next classroom had kids around 24 months). The director said she found that kids instinctively know not to bite kids bigger than them.
It worked for my son, he never bit again. It was also somewhat a problem of communication because he wasn't talking much yet and the older kids talked more (he was the oldest in the old classroom). The other kid did Not stop biting and was eventually asked to leave. But at least they tried before just kicking both of the kids out.

[mcfelix]

So I actually got a call today that DS was bitten in the back. It was unprovoked - another kid wanted to sit in the chair he was in. I haven't gotten a call about biting in months, so it was no biggie to me.

But, DS was a biter for a period of time last year. Fortunately he has grown out of it, but they let him hang out to his wubbanub all day to try and prevent it and they tried keeping a closer eye on him to determine when he was doing it to try and catch him before he got someone. They did catch him a few times before the bite actually occurred.

[winemaker06]

Mar 14, 2016 15:25:00 GMT -5 swizz said:

Mar 14, 2016 15:13:49 GMT -5 winemaker06 said:

I didn't think our daycare handled biting well, but they handle it better than yours is (I think).
My kid was doing the biting along with one other boy. They shadowed them for awhile, and nothing seemed to help. I know my son bit 10 times in 2 months, I don't THINK it was always the same kid but can't be sure.

Ultimately they moved the two boys to the next classroom up (they were 18 months, next classroom had kids around 24 months). The director said she found that kids instinctively know not to bite kids bigger than them.
It worked for my son, he never bit again. It was also somewhat a problem of communication because he wasn't talking much yet and the older kids talked more (he was the oldest in the old classroom). The other kid did Not stop biting and was eventually asked to leave. But at least they tried before just kicking both of the kids out.

This is kind of funny, because of the 10 kids, only one is even close to Cora's size (and ironically, also a very calm/passive kid -- I'm pretty certain he is not the biter). The other kids are a good head shorter than Cora. Most are smaller, new 2s who were moved into that room when Cora started (though they've all been together since infancy). 

Interesting. I never really believed that anyway.
I think the change of environment was huge though. And mostly done because the bitee parents were complaining. So if you get uncomfortable, start speaking up! There Has to be something else they can do. And the parents are probably just as upset. I know I was. It sucks to feel so out of control since you can't do anything about what is happening when you're not there! On both sides.

[Gato]

I would expect some action after my kid had been bitten twice. This actually happened to my daughter, who is little for her age. A kid picked on her twice in one week, and I just told the teacher that I don't want her to fear going to school. I understand that some kids bite (actually, my daughter bites, but apparently not at school). But this is my baby's first experience of school, and it has to be a positive one, or I'm moving her elsewhere. Luckily, the teacher changed some things that make it easier for her to monitor the biter's behavior and he seems to have stopped.

[oceanstbride]

I agree that 4 times in 2 months isn't too frequent (obviously you want it to be zero). It sounds like they're handling it appropriately. Do they talk about what to do if another kid is in their space? When DS was in the early 2s class, they talked a lot about space - needing space and giving space. Can you/they work on teaching her to either put her hand out and say "No" or "Space" or "Stop"? Once the kids learned that in that class, the biting decreased a lot (probably due to a kid yelling out and bringing attention to the situation and just generally getting older).

Sorry it keeps happening. Even though you know it's developmentally appropriate, it's still hard to have your kid getting bit (or being the biter!).

[mcfelix]

LOL at "shark tank" @this! Probably something I shouldn't be laughing at....

swizz - sorry this keeps happening. I can tell you that it seriously stressed me out when DS was biting the other kids. I was actually happy when I started getting the calls that other kids were biting him - like oh great, I am glad he wasn't the biter this time! They will grow out of it but it sucks in the meantime.

[maddysmum]

I think biting is one of the toughest things to navigate because it's always in young children (so, it's not like you can sit down after school, have a come-to-Jesus together and the behaviour changes after the child takes responsibility for their actions) and it's not always predictable or triggered or even obvious.

I think it's awful for everyone involved. The parents of the bitee just want their child to be safe at daycare. The parents of the biter feel guilty and embarrassed and worried.

We had a stealth biter at daycare. There was almost never (but sometimes...just to add to the unpredictability) a build up or trigger, he was very breezy about chomping down, all casually playing, life's goo...AND CLAMP! He was individually shadowed, and even then, he still got bites in. Another biter bit out of frustration, and with her, it was like a cat wiggling it's bum to wind up - you could see it coming from a mile away. That was much, much easier to prevent and intervene during. In both cases, parents were awesome and involved and did everything they could at home to reinforce that little dinos don't bite and blah, blah, blah, but reasoning with a two year old is comparable to reasoning with...Trump.

Ultimately, it's a stage they both had to grow out of, encouraged along by constant and diligent supervision and reinforcement of other means of communicating with one's mouth.

All of that to say that it really just sucks for everyone. There are no good answers. But at least communication tells you that they are doing all they can, that they're as on top of it as possible and hopefully, that being the biter's shadow will help the stage come to an end sooner rather than later.

[anna7602]

@246baje, I'm not allowed to be hyperbolic? You must be attributing some connotation to the word "thug" that I don't.

Eta: also, yes, some 7-yos are bullies and jerks.

[anna7602]

My apologies, @246baje. In my field, I have used the word "thug" in English to describe the brawny-type people (usually affiliated with specific mob bosses or caciques or political leaders) who use muscle over brains to get what they want, and I've used it in reference to a very specific time period in a very specific country. I did not realize the way that word is used otherwise. To me, it is a synonym for bully.

And to your "it's extreme" point, I already admitted I was being hyperbolic. What else do you want me to say?

[winemaker06]

You're right swizz that brushing it off as appropriate behavior only works for so long. I don't think you would be unwarranted in asking more questions. Some people think the number of biting incidents you've had are a lot, some don't. You'll have to make the final decision on how much is too much.

After my son's instant turnaround in a new classroom, I really think the teachers have a lot to do with it too. He had a couple very young ones that I think were overwhelmed and didn't have enough help. Shadowing or other things should be happening by now. I realize you said they tried, but hopefully they continue shadowing and move to something more than online courses.

[anna7602]

Mar 14, 2016 18:50:01 GMT -5 @246baje said:

Mar 14, 2016 17:32:01 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

My apologies, @246baje. In my field, I have used the word "thug" in English to describe the brawny-type people (usually affiliated with specific mob bosses or caciques or political leaders) who use muscle over brains to get what they want, and I've used it in reference to a very specific time period in a very specific country. I did not realize the way that word is used otherwise. To me, it is a synonym for bully.

And to your "it's extreme" point, I already admitted I was being hyperbolic. What else do you want me to say?

Carry on then.

I will definitely be more mindful about using this word in te future. Thank you for pointing this out.

[oceanstbride]

Mar 14, 2016 16:02:36 GMT -5 swizz said:

Mar 14, 2016 15:44:38 GMT -5 oceanstbride said:

I agree that 4 times in 2 months isn't too frequent (obviously you want it to be zero). It sounds like they're handling it appropriately. Do they talk about what to do if another kid is in their space? When DS was in the early 2s class, they talked a lot about space - needing space and giving space. Can you/they work on teaching her to either put her hand out and say "No" or "Space" or "Stop"? Once the kids learned that in that class, the biting decreased a lot (probably due to a kid yelling out and bringing attention to the situation and just generally getting older).

Sorry it keeps happening. Even though you know it's developmentally appropriate, it's still hard to have your kid getting bit (or being the biter!).

I think a big part of the problem is that this is somewhat beyond her communicative skills right now. She has receptive and expressive language delays as well as some social emotional issues that I think kind of prevent her from having that normal kid reaction. I'm guessing she's targeted because she doesn't respond (but also doesn't give up the toy) and the biter resorts to biting out of frustration.

I'm really hoping her expanding vocabulary and (hopefully!) therapy will help her better communicate.

Gotcha! It sounds like she's making a lot of progress lately . I think the idea of getting more "hot" toys and an extra teacher would definitely help. While more eyes can't 100% prevent any more bites, it will definitely help. Any idea if it's the same kid?