advice needed: do i call my mom?

[Deleted]

Last week when I brought betty to meet my parents my mom lashed out at me saying a bunch of really mean and hurtful things bc I don't want a child, but I'll take on the responsibilty of a dog. At that point I told her that I made my choice and the reality is that I will never have a child and I love my dog. I went on to say, I want you to be a part of our life, but not with this attitude. I said if she can't accept the dog then I understand, but the dog was a part of my family now. She said more mean things and I left.

Its been a week and neither of my parents have reached out to me or h (h is livid with my mom right now and doesn't want to talk to her till she's calmed down). We have an important family thing coming up next week and I don't know the plans for it. It's not a deal breaker if we don't attend, but id like to.

Wwsnd? Swallow my pride and call my mom? Keep ignoring her? Something else?

[jennlin]

i'd wait until the day of or day before the family event to get details.

[Deleted]

That's part of the problem, I don't know what day it is...

[georgeharrison]

I would call her and just stick to business. Ask for the details and then thank her, but don't get into anything personal.

[jennlin]

Aug 31, 2012 9:51:10 GMT -5 georgeharrison said:

I would call her and just stick to business. Ask for the details and then thank her, but don't get into anything personal.

if you don't know what day it is, then this.

[picksthemusic]

I'd only communicate with her on an as-needed basis at this point. It's her problem (not yours) that she can't deal with your life decisions, and you shouldn't have to be the one to make the first move. She isn't being supportive, and you don't need that right now, especially since you are just learning to be a new family.

My mom did something of this nature when I told her that I had my IUD taken out. She completely went berzerk on me and told me I wasn't ready to be a mother, that it'd be SO HARD on me, and how dare I try to get pregnant before being married for 2 years?! Yeah. Needless to say, I didn't speak to her for a month. It was hard, but eventually I had to tell her how hurtful her words were, and that I needed her support and love, not criticism over something that was completely my and DH's decision - not hers. Now, of course, she is the over-excited/happy grandma.

Give it time. She may come around - she may not. But you have to stick to your guns and stick up for your family. It has to be her decision to be supportive or not. And you need to be okay with that, hard as it is.

*zombie hugs* ({) (})

[Deleted]

Ok, I'll call my parents on Monday and just stick to business. If she wants to have a calm and rational discussion about Betty then I'll discuss, but if she starts going crazy again then I'll leave/hang up the phone.

Thanks, Nexties.

[mkate710]

I'm really, really sorry you are dealing with this

[tygirljojo]

I'm with Picks, although I see you will be trying to call her and your plan sounds good. I don't have the patience for people treating others like that, so kudos to you for at least trying to be the adult in the situation. Hope she comes around and realizes she's putting a divide between you two with her uncaring behavior.

[hallows]

I'm so sorry, UW. I hope your mom calms down and comes to realize this is your life and she has to accept that it's not hers to live. Good luck with getting info on the family thing.

[Deleted]

Aug 31, 2012 11:51:30 GMT -5 @jennuinne said:

I'd try to get the info from another family member (is that an option) or text or email if I don't want to get into an argument.

This.

[amandasw]

Aug 31, 2012 10:46:03 GMT -5 @uwhuskygirl said:

Ok, I'll call my parents on Monday and just stick to business. If she wants to have a calm and rational discussion about Betty then I'll discuss, but if she starts going crazy again then I'll leave/hang up the phone.

Thanks, Nexties.

this is a good plan, but not only for the obvious reasons. Giving the silent treatment is petty and just as immature as her response. Contacting her as-needed lets her know you're a grown, mature woman capable of making decisions and keeping things civil. But keeping her at arms length also lets her know she can't manipulate you and that what she has done has hurt the relationship. Win-win

I hope she comes to her senses!