F/up to guilty by association story from yest

[achase123]

So my co-worker brought up her concerns to her DH and asked if he would talk to the groom. Apparently it didn't go well. AT all. He blew up at her, she said he was yelling and his eyes were popping out of his head.

He slammed a door and pictures came off the wall. He also was holding a package of groceries and threw them back in the car. All of this in front of their one year old.

So, needless to say it makes me suspect her DH even more, and I feel badly that she's in that position, where now not only does she know the entire story of the groom cheating, but is wondering about her husband as well.

When she told me about his reaction all I could think about was XH. That's exactly how he would react when questionned about things. I am scared for her and feel so badly for her. It's a horrible situation to be in. Especially with a child.

[doriswe]

Yup, he's guilty of something more than he told her. That is a completely irrational response to that conversation.

[Deleted]

Sounds like he's not going to tell because he's guilty too to me as well achase. Yikes.

[redredwine]

Ugh...what a terrible situation to be in. I feel bad for her. That's totally a rock and hard place...and an a$$hole of a husband. His reaction doesn't sound far off from how XH would react to things. And then go place the blame on me-yay! I'm sad for her.

I wish I had words of advice, but yes, it seems like he's way defensive which would make me super suspicious.

[marigoldgirl]

My words of advice are to divorce his ass.... His response was aggressive and uncalled for. He started everything with his confession.

[doriswe]

Does your co-worker think he's not telling her the whole truth, or does she think his reaction was just about telling the bride to be?

[explorer2001]

That's scary. I think she needs to find a safe place away from him for her and her kid. Divorce can come later, safety first.

[wrathofkuus]

I guess we know why he didn't leave the party.

[achase123]

Aug 31, 2012 11:30:59 GMT -5 explorer2001 said:

That's scary. I think she needs to find a safe place away from him for her and her kid. Divorce can come later, safety first.

Seriously. She said she thinks his reaction was because he was scared. Fear of her possibly ratting out the asshole groom.

I told her I had to be honest, that his reaction reminded me of how XH would react when he was guilty as HELL of wrongdoing. Namely cheating.

[blackkitty]

I can't help but wonder what exactly she said to him and what he yelled back.
There is WAY more to this story on both sides

[Deleted]

Sure he rats out the groom and the groom rats him out and then boom, everyone gets caught for cheating at this BP. This whole situation still makes me feel sick.

[aliciar6]

ummm yeah, i'd be changing the locks......

[achase123]

Aug 31, 2012 11:37:11 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

I can't help but wonder what exactly she said to him and what he yelled back.
There is WAY more to this story on both sides

I know there are two sides to every story BUT I know her really well and she's one of those people who communicate about everything. She's had counseling for years and worked with a professional coach here at work (we all have) and she majored in psychology. I find it really hard to believe that she did something major to instigate that kind of response, but, then again, I wasn't there.

[Deleted]

Apparently not enough counseling otherwise she would have made a better choice in a DH!

[achase123]

Aug 31, 2012 12:11:30 GMT -5 doglove said:

Apparently not enough counseling otherwise she would have made a better choice in a DH!

True story there! I just was trying to defend her because I don't think anyone deserves to be yelled at and made to feel intimidated.

[Deleted]

I agree w/ you there. I don't think she did anything wrong by confronting him with this information, but I don't think it's a healthy marriage if he blew up at her like that and got defensive.

[omeomi]

After dating my fair share of cheaters, blow ups like that were (IME) commonly a tell-tale sign that they were guilty of misbehaving themselves.

Sucks that your friend is in this kind of a situation, both with her H being a douche and knowing a pretty damning secret for other people.

I sure hope the bride finds out somehow before the wedding. And I hope your friend doesn't entertain any ideas of having more children with such a jerk. She needs to get away from him. Now.

[achase123]

Aug 31, 2012 13:23:56 GMT -5 omeomi said:

After dating my fair share of cheaters, blow ups like that were (IME) commonly a tell-tale sign that they were guilty of misbehaving themselves.

Sucks that your friend is in this kind of a situation, both with her H being a douche and knowing a pretty damning secret for other people.

I sure hope the bride finds out somehow before the wedding. And I hope your friend doesn't entertain any ideas of having more children with such a jerk. She needs to get away from him. Now.

I really hope so too. All I can do is be there for her and not judge anything because that will isolate her more. I really hope she doesn't press forward with her plan to get KU this fall. That would make things even worse, I'm sure.

It's really a terrible situation. I think I feel for her SO much because I know she deserves so much more. I truly feel like she's living the life I was living just a few years ago

[omeomi]

How close are you guys? (I think you mentioned before, just don't remember atm). Do you ever go out for girls' nights, some after work drinks, things like that?

Seems like she has a lot that she wants to get off of her chest, and with you saying that it reminds you of your old life, perhaps when she says 'H did this and it bothers me', you can say, 'yeah, XH (or whomever) did that too, I know how you feel, and I know it was best for me to get out of that situation'.

Instead of 'telling' her she should get out of that situation (not saying that you've done that), it might be helpful for her to hear about you being in a similar situation and how it really was the right thing to get out.

Obviously, if she doesn't want to leave, that's her thing. But IMO for her to know that there actually is life after a split and hearing it first hand from a friend whsoe experienced it, could help to give her the nudge into getting a better perspective on what she's been accepting of in her own life.

It hurts my heart to hear these kinds of stories.

[achase123]

Aug 31, 2012 13:40:43 GMT -5 omeomi said:

How close are you guys? (I think you mentioned before, just don't remember atm). Do you ever go out for girls' nights, some after work drinks, things like that?

Seems like she has a lot that she wants to get off of her chest, and with you saying that it reminds you of your old life, perhaps when she says 'H did this and it bothers me', you can say, 'yeah, XH (or whomever) did that too, I know how you feel, and I know it was best for me to get out of that situation'.

Instead of 'telling' her she should get out of that situation (not saying that you've done that), it might be helpful for her to hear about you being in a similar situation and how it really was the right thing to get out.

Obviously, if she doesn't want to leave, that's her thing. But IMO for her to know that there actually is life after a split and hearing it first hand from a friend whsoe experienced it, could help to give her the nudge into getting a better perspective on what she's been accepting of in her own life.

It hurts my heart to hear these kinds of stories.

We are actually really close, really good friends. We haven't hung out that much lately outside of work, because we're both busy with young kids and she mostly stays at home with her daughter.

But we have the type of friendship/relationship where there's an immense amount of trust. We can say anything to eachother, nothing is off limits so to speak.

I think that offering advice, without judgement, and in a caring, concerned way is best. She really respects my wisdom and opinion being that I went through so much. She knows EVERYTHING that happened with XH and has been a great support for me. She also knows that I married him for the wrong reasons. I've been very candid about how things REALLY were. She used to look at us and our marriage and think we had it all. I was quick to tell her just how wrong that picture actually was and that we were not happy at all.

What do you think, should I suggest lunch? Maybe meeting for dinner some night? She doesn't drink and is in recovery (six years sober) so that is out.

[Deleted]

To me this says in flashing signs "HE"S GUILTY" otherwise I don't think the would have such a strong aggressive reaction. Plus he if blew over this, there have probably been other times he's blew up too. He's just angry that she is still pushing the issue. This sounds like what my on off bf does when I say something about his drinking. Like I know you have been I can clearly tell dob't try to tell me 'your crazy'.

[omeomi]

I'd say trying to get a lunch or dinner in sometime soon would be a fantastic idea. This whole thing has got to be weighing on her, and I'm sure she'd enjoy some girl time with someone that she can really let it all out with.

If it were me, I'd definitely let her know that due to his blow up you have concerns about her and her realtionship. Even if (somehow) he wasn't involved in the whole BP nastiness, he has no right to treat her that way, especially in front of their child.

Girls' lunch/night STAT