And here I go overanalyzing once again

[redredwine]

because that's what I do!

So, I've been dating a boy since middle of last month. GREAT first date and GREAT subsequent dates. Clearly great chemistry. Things have been good. Especially considering I was out of town for 2 trips and we live an hour apart. We usually would text almost daily.

The last time we hung out was the day before he left to go out of town for 2 weeks. Great night. We talked about if we were dating other people and weren't both not and said we weren't interested in dating other people. We even made plans to have a beach day when he got back into town.
We talked a bit over the past two weeks via text, and even one semi-drunken phone call from him after a rehearsal dinner he went to.
Over the past 2 weeks, I got my promotion, so he said we needed to celebrate over a few beers when he got back.

He got back Wednesday night and let me know when he arrived (basically-"Feels great to be back in XXX state!) and we chatted a bit via text.
I texted him yesterday to see how his first day back in the office was (as he's always done this when I came back from out of town)and he wrote back that it sucked, etc. But not engaging.
I then made light conversation and said if he had some time this weekend to get away, to let me know (this is a super busy week for his work and he's probalby going to have to work over the weekend), and that I hoped he at least didn't have to work on Labor Day. Pretty casual, I thought.

I texted him at 1:30 pm yesterday. It's 9 am...I haven't heard back at.all.

Now the overanalyzing begins.

I'm so confused? The past two weeks, while he's been out of town, the "text initiation" has been about 50/50. Also, why would he text me at 10 at night to let me know he's back in town? If I didn't like someone, I wouldn't make it a point to initiate texts?
I've told him that if at any point he doesn't want to hang out anymore, to just let me know. He knows that I've gone through a rash of dudes that just "disappear" and that's not OK and has affected me.

So, I KNOW he's busy at work, but too busy to shoot a text back? He has been known to take a LONG time to respond back to texts but this is abnormally long, so naturally, I'm kinda freaking out. My mind thinks back to PDX's recent dude situation...where esentially he's going to be like "Oh, yah, well I'm dating other people and don't want to hang out ever again. Bye!"

What do I do with this? Do I text him this weekend? I don't want to be annoying, but I do want to at least get an answer if for some reason he's just done.

I hate dating in a texting world.

[BlueBayou]

"this is a super busy week for his work and he's probalby going to have to work over the weekend),". Oh Red, it just sounds like he had a shitty day at work, is probably bombarded with all that was waiting for him while he was gone . Give him some time to get back and get his workload together silly. Im sure its fine

[turtle1120]

He might really be busy with work, he might be dating someone else, or maybe he just decided he's not really interested. Whatever you do - don't text again if you don't hear from him.

[redredwine]

Aug 31, 2012 11:24:05 GMT -5 turtle1120 said:

He might really be busy with work, he might be dating someone else, or maybe he just decided he's not really interested. Whatever you do - don't text again if you don't hear from him.

Yah...it's definately one of those 3!
And I won't...ball is in his court, right?

[blackkitty]

Don't text and date
Seriously, I refuse to any more. I mean just a quick one here and there, but if I want to talk to someone I pick up the phone and call them. And if they aren't adult enough to be able to talk on the phone I am not interested. Otherwise you wait all this time for them to text you back and you have no idea what's going on.
I'd just wait and call him tomorrow.

[redredwine]

Aug 31, 2012 11:26:08 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Don't text and date
Seriously, I refuse to any more. I mean just a quick one here and there, but if I want to talk to someone I pick up the phone and call them. And if they aren't adult enough to be able to talk on the phone I am not interested. Otherwise you wait all this time for them to text you back and you have no idea what's going on.
I'd just wait and call him tomorrow.

I HATE talking on the phone. Like...despise it. I don't even like talking to my own family on the phone. I mean, I do it and I can do it. But to me, texting is easier...but leaves so many open/misinterpreted things.

[Deleted]

He just came back from being away and probably has a lot of things catch up at work and in life. And probably wants some down time. Relax.

[blackkitty]

Aug 31, 2012 11:27:34 GMT -5 redredwine said:

Aug 31, 2012 11:26:08 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Don't text and date
Seriously, I refuse to any more. I mean just a quick one here and there, but if I want to talk to someone I pick up the phone and call them. And if they aren't adult enough to be able to talk on the phone I am not interested. Otherwise you wait all this time for them to text you back and you have no idea what's going on.
I'd just wait and call him tomorrow.

I HATE talking on the phone. Like...despise it. I don't even like talking to my own family on the phone. I mean, I do it and I can do it. But to me, texting is easier...but leaves so many open/misinterpreted things.

I bet you HATE sitting around trying to figure out WTH is going through his mine more than you would have a 5-10 minute phone conversation!!

[redredwine]

Aug 31, 2012 11:38:15 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

hmm... I had a similiar thing happen to me last spring. We had hung out for a few weeks, maybe a month or so... lots of good dates and chemistry. He went to Africa for a few weeks, came back, we hung out 1 more time and I never heard from him again. It turns out he was dating someone else the whole time, he changed his facebook status to being in a relationship shortly after he stopped talking to me

I wouldn't expect that to happen to you but you never know. I hate dating

Have you been having sex with him? Where did you meet him?

No sex. He's only been over to my place once and we didn't sleep together. Would have been appropriate as that was date #6 or so? He dind't even attempt it.
All other dates have been "meet in the middle" and the second date was his town.

Met him through eHarmony.

I just have this feeling in the back on my mind that maybe he got back with his XGF while back East. She moved out here with him(from back East) and they broke up a year ago. I think she may have also gone back for their mutual friends wedding.

I jsut can't figure out what would have changed in a week? He wanted to celebrate my promotion last week...so to not hear from him at all is strange.

I know he's probalby busy and I'll just let it be I suppose.
I just sucks.

[redredwine]

Aug 31, 2012 11:52:34 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

Aug 31, 2012 11:45:28 GMT -5 redredwine said:

No sex. He's only been over to my place once and we didn't sleep together. Would have been appropriate as that was date #6 or so? He dind't even attempt it.
All other dates have been "meet in the middle" and the second date was his town.

Met him through eHarmony.

I just have this feeling in the back on my mind that maybe he got back with his XGF while back East. She moved out here with him(from back East) and they broke up a year ago. I think she may have also gone back for their mutual friends wedding.

I didn't have sex with the guy I was seeing either, although it would have been appropriate. I hope you get the outcome you want but I think not responding to texts is a bad sign. It takes like 2 seconds and even if you are busy you can text... "I am busy"

I used to be more hopeful.. maybe his phone is in the car, maybe it feel in the bathtub, etc but now I just think the worst.

The guy I went out with on Sunday specifically asked me what dates worked best for me to see him again this week... I said Thur and he said we would definatley get together and see some live music.. he knew of a good band, etc. I never heard from him.
I just don't believe anything anyone says now.

I'm SO to that point, too. I went into this knowing that and gently bringing it up to him...he knows this. We've talked a bit about past dating and talked about what we're both looking for. I hadn't done that with people I've dated previously. I also wanted to see if he was dating other people because of this reason...I needed to hear it from him. I thought this would help but apparently not.

And dude, sorry to hear that your guy dropped off the face of the earth too.

[redredwine]

And just venting again...ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS SAY "Hey, not interested!" I don't get this whole "not responding and hoping it goes away" bull. After a first or second date, maybe. But after we had the whole "I'm not intesrested in dating anyone else" thing? Come on. Grow up.

I've at least done this with a few guys I haven't been interested in while dating because I know how it feels. I both cases I've been the one to say "Hey, just not feeling it and I want you to know. Best of luck!"
And BK-one of those was via real live phone call! WE'd slept together at that poitn, so I felt a phone call was warrented.

[redredwine]

Aug 31, 2012 12:00:41 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

eh... I didn't even know if I liked him and now I know I don't for sure. It's so easy to actually follow through and do what you say you are going to do.

If you don't want to see me again than don't make future plans with me!! I prefer honesty

I am going on one more date next week and then that's it... I am over it. I don't even want to meet someone nice at this point because I want to move away from here. I am just looking for some casual sex but in Boise that is basically impossible. I am going to focus on working out and getting an amazing body for next summer when I go to Peru and move to Portland!

Yes-move to Portland! But don't plan on dating here. PDX and I can vouch that they're all immature and not looking for relationships. (yes, I stereotyped ALL men here based on two girls experiences.) Casual sex though? Yuu may be in luck. Found a few of those!

[redredwine]

Aug 31, 2012 12:05:05 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

Aug 31, 2012 12:03:14 GMT -5 redredwine said:

Yes-move to Portland! But don't plan on dating here. PDX and I can vouch that they're all immature and not looking for relationships. (yes, I stereotyped ALL men here based on two girls experiences.) Casual sex though? Yuu may be in luck. Found a few of those!

haha... so funny because my friend in Portland gets so many men that want relationships and she is looking for something more casual.

I am not moving just for dating but to meet more people, live in a more open minded community that has more young people and more going on in general. Boise is dead!!!

Well shoot-we should switch then!

Portland is awesome..dating aside. I love love love it here.

[starburst604]

Sorry you're going through this uncertainty. I hate it and know how bad it sucks. I have to agree that using the phone more improves communication. I always hated talking on the phone to guys, until I met T. At first I was all why is this guy always calling me?! Of course we text as well but I really enjoy hearing his voice and we talk on the phone every day. I'm glad he got me back into phone convos.

[achase123]

I wouldn't text him again. I hate to say it, but I think he's just not that into you.

[achase123]

Aug 31, 2012 12:41:42 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

Aug 31, 2012 12:39:46 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I wouldn't text him again. I hate to say it, but I think he's just not that into you.

You wouldn't ever text him again?? After dating for over a month and talking about not dating other people? I think she should get some kind of an explanation.

I guess....honestly I kind of skimmed over that part. I saw six dates and didn't read the whole thing.

The thing is, I am a HUGE believer that if someone is into you, you will know it. Every single time I've dated someone who has been into me, there were zero questions. I had no doubts they really liked me. Six dates is enough for both people to know, IMO.

If I ever have a situation where someone doesn't contact me, or I'm confused, then it's a no go. It's pretty cut and dry. The way I look at it is don't waste your time overanalyzing.

[redredwine]

Aug 31, 2012 12:43:46 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Aug 31, 2012 12:41:42 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

You wouldn't ever text him again?? After dating for over a month and talking about not dating other people? I think she should get some kind of an explanation.

I guess....honestly I kind of skimmed over that part. I saw six dates and didn't read the whole thing.

The thing is, I am a HUGE believer that if someone is into you, you will know it. Every single time I've dated someone who has been into me, there were zero questions. I had no doubts they really liked me. Six dates is enough for both people to know, IMO.

If I ever have a situation where someone doesn't contact me, or I'm confused, then it's a no go. It's pretty cut and dry. The way I look at it is don't waste your time overanalyzing.

I'm believer in that too...which I why I'm pretty bummed. I get the hint. Up until now, I really didn't have to think much about it. I knew he was into it.

I just feel that I deserve SOME kind of response at this point. I'm tough...I can get over many things. Just be a grown up and tell me.
I just thought he'd be better than that which is why I'm confused.

[heavenly]

Aug 31, 2012 12:41:42 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

Aug 31, 2012 12:39:46 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I wouldn't text him again. I hate to say it, but I think he's just not that into you.

You wouldn't ever text him again?? After dating for over a month and talking about not dating other people? I think she should get some kind of an explanation.

I hope we are wrong and that this guy is just trying to get all caught up in his life, though if that is the case, he should learn how to communicate and say I just need a couple of days to get caught up so you are not left wondering. I am learning that a lack of response is actually a response itself.

I think we all deserve an honest response in situation like these but unfortunately, some guys (and ladies) too are just not good at communicating honesty and make an ass of them self and do not realize how hurtful their actions are.

But to survive in this dating world, I need not to dwell or get my hopes up high and keep looking for the guy that checks in and is open and honest with me and just ditch the ones that don't. I am getting a little better at it.

[Deleted]

hey red, I'm so sorry to here that! It totally sucks and obviously I've been there. It is entirely possible he got super busy and just forgot, but I've found that I'm never so busy that I forget to text someone back who I'm into. If this was his normal texting pattern that'd be one thing. Try no to overanalyze and see if you hear back today. If not I might give him a call and see what he says.