You know what sucks about getting old?

[rosiebear]

Ouch. That's rough; I'm so sorry.

My dad died at age 84 six years ago; my mom lives a very restricted life in a facility. It sucks, even though I am not close to her. They both lived good, active lives until they hit 80 or so. I seriously fear getting old-old.

[sassycat]

My dad passed 15 years ago and my mom is in a nursing home. She was not taking care of herself at home and has a whole host of medical issues.

I am the person that is in charge of her care as my one brother passed 2 years ago and another brother who lives OOT.

My health is not the best right now and having to take her to every appt is very hard (she broke both legs in OCT). She is my mom and will do everything I can till I can't anymore as she is and has been my best friend. It is very sad to see your parents go down hill.

YES getting old is hard but much harder watching the parents.

[mags]

My mom died at 68 about 7 years ago. She went in for a hip replacement and never came out.
My dad turned 80 in Sept. and is in pretty good health (except for bladder cancer in remission)He lives independently and is very social. 'his hearing is getting bad, and his arthritis in his hands is very bad, but thank god other than that he is doing well. His house is neater than mine! He cooks and cleans and is 100% independent at the moment, but I know its coming and I'm heartbroken.

[2boys2danes]

You are so right! My mom is 81 and my dad is 77. In the last two years she has had two strokes and had to be airlifted to a trauma center downtown then just as she was recovering from that she fell in the middle of the night and broke her femur. She could not put any weight at all on it for six months. It was the toughest period ever between her stay in the nursing home and then my dad and I caring for her when she came home. Its so so so hard to see them struggle and not be able to do things they used to enjoy. I'll be 50 this year and honestly never dreamed I would still have both of them at this point in my life so I am thrilled.

We live exactly one mile from them so can be there to help in a flash which is very comforting. Next week I'm staying with my mom for a week so my dad can take my youngest son to the Masters. He needs this break so I'm happy to be able to give it to him!

[frannyr]

oh I am sorry sweetie - I dread this too. Have you looked into any support groups for people with parents that have Alzheimer's?

My mom is 83 and very independent still and in great health. But her memory is failing and can't remember our conversations. The other day I yelled at her because she kept asking me if I did something over and over. It drove me nuts and I blew up. I felt terrible.

Physically mom has arthritis everywhere - back, legs, hands and even though she goes to the gym daily (likely responsible for her longevity!) she is slowed down so much and she was always such a quick mover.

[Deleted]

Very difficult to parent our parents. We are in the midst of it with my FIL. He has dementia and lives in assisted living far from either us or my H's sibling. He refuses to move near his children. While we respect this, his resistance doesn't make monitoring his care at all easy on us.

I'm sorry your mom is dealing with memory loss mryrcn and doesn't like her care facility. As long as you are certain she is well cared for, you've done the best you can! My dad died from Alzheimer's complications in 2009. The disease is heartbreaking. Hugs to you!

[scout8]

((Hugs)) mryrcn.

[Deleted]

Mar 31, 2016 17:01:40 GMT -5 mryrcn said:

She told me that she doesn't love me & won't ever forgive me.

I drove away a mess.

And you know what? The minute you turned the corner she probably forgot she said that. Such a cruel disease.

[Mrs.Rad888]

My family and I take a Disneyland trip every year at the end of May. Last year, my mom was telling me about how much better she's doing after her cataract surgery she'd had a few months before. Of course, this was the first I was hearing about any problems she was having with her eyesight. While I don't expect her to tell me every little thing she's got going on, I'd like to know about stuff that's going to have her in the hospital. I didn't blow up at her, I just let her know that I'd like to know about this stuff, even if there isn't anything I can do (we live in different states). So, late last year, she called me to let me know that she was having some kind of procedure done, and she didn't want to get into trouble again for not telling me, lol.

I was always the "dutiful" daughter. I helped out when I could, and I was happy to do it. Now I live in a state 2 days drive away, and my youngest brother is the one helping out. It sucks, because of course as they get older, they need more help, and I hate that I'm not there to help. Dad is 79, and in pretty good health except for his COPD. Mom is 72, and not in the best health. She's never really taken care of herself, and she doesn't seem to have much energy. I've been fortunate that I've been able to spend more time lately with them, but it really hits you hard when you realize your parents aren't getting old, they are old.

[mrsukyankee]

I'm so sorry. My FIL passed away last year and I keep seeing my own parents and my MIL as truly getting older. My dad's father passed at the age he's currently so that is always frightening.

[kittycatlove]

mryrcn, I'm so sorry, I know how much it hurts and sucks.

My mom passed away last year after a short battle with cancer. We had to put her in an assisted living facility and she fought it tooth and nail. She was constantly berating me and my sister, telling us we didn't love her if we did this to her. It sucked so bad. I know part of it was the cancer was affecting her brain and her cognitive abilities, but man it was the worst.

Hugs.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry, mryrcn . That had to hurt, but it's for her safety. She's angry right now.

Yes, it's so hard to watch your parent age and begin to slowly lose their independence. My dad is 78 and (knock on wood) is in fabulous health; extremely active, golfs, plays bocce, hes always doing something. My mom, on the other hand, has several health problems; she's 75. They live about 800 miles from us, so it's hard to know how they're really doing. All I can do is visit them a few times a year, otherwise I have to rely on our weekly phone calls and trust that they're telling me how they are truly doing. I usually find out from my dad what's going on with my mom health-wise. She won't share very much of that with me.

[shoeaholic]

My parents are in their 80's and until recently were doing fine. But they both just went through some medical issues. They are on Florida and none of us (4 sisters) live down there. They didn't call any of us to tell us that they were both admitted to the hospital two days apart for two different reasons. My sister ended up flying down the day she found out but boy did they gaped a lecture about not keeping us all informed.

[renna]

Mar 31, 2016 17:01:40 GMT -5 mryrcn said:

Your parents getting old. My father passed away 21 years ago. My mom has Alzheimer's & is in a nursing home. We live in different states. I went to see her today & took her out shopping. When I took her back to the center she broke down & started crying about how she hates it there. I know this home is the best place for her but it's heartbreaking. She told me that she doesn't love me & won't ever forgive me.

I drove away a mess.

Keeping your mom safe and well cared for is loving her. Doing what is best for her despite your own sadness/feelings about it is loving her.

You are a good daughter to show this love and care to and for her. When she says cruel things just remember that. (heart) Love often requires doing some really hard stuff.

(((mryrcn)))

[flex]

My mom has been pretty sick for almost 2 years. She's only 76--most of the women on her side of the family live until their mid-90's, so I expected the same of my mom. Unfortunately, I'm not going to have another 20 years with her.

The hardest part is how frail she sounds on the phone. She sounds like an old lady, and I don't consider her to be "old".

[mags]

Apr 1, 2016 15:09:11 GMT -5 flex said:

My mom has been pretty sick for almost 2 years. She's only 76--most of the women on her side of the family live until their mid-90's, so I expected the same of my mom. Unfortunately, I'm not going to have another 20 years with her.

The hardest part is how frail she sounds on the phone. She sounds like an old lady, and I don't consider her to be "old".

I hate this thread

[flex]

Apr 1, 2016 15:26:50 GMT -5 mags said:

Apr 1, 2016 15:09:11 GMT -5 flex said:

My mom has been pretty sick for almost 2 years. She's only 76--most of the women on her side of the family live until their mid-90's, so I expected the same of my mom. Unfortunately, I'm not going to have another 20 years with her.

The hardest part is how frail she sounds on the phone. She sounds like an old lady, and I don't consider her to be "old".

I hate this thread

It sucks, but that's why we have this board--to share our burdens and commiserate.  : )

[renna]

Apr 1, 2016 15:09:11 GMT -5 flex said:

My mom has been pretty sick for almost 2 years. She's only 76--most of the women on her side of the family live until their mid-90's, so I expected the same of my mom. Unfortunately, I'm not going to have another 20 years with her.

The hardest part is how frail she sounds on the phone. She sounds like an old lady, and I don't consider her to be "old".

Flex, I do pray regularly for your mom and for you. Also, if you talk to SueSue, please tell her I am still praying for her brother.

76 isn't old. Oh my, that is not old at all. I'm sorry you won't have your mom another 20 years, Flex.

[flex]

Apr 1, 2016 21:11:03 GMT -5 renna said:

Apr 1, 2016 15:09:11 GMT -5 flex said:

My mom has been pretty sick for almost 2 years. She's only 76--most of the women on her side of the family live until their mid-90's, so I expected the same of my mom. Unfortunately, I'm not going to have another 20 years with her.

The hardest part is how frail she sounds on the phone. She sounds like an old lady, and I don't consider her to be "old".

Flex, I do pray regularly for your mom and for you. Also, if you talk to SueSue, please tell her I am still praying for her brother.

76 isn't old. Oh my, that is not old at all. I'm sorry you won't have your mom another 20 years, Flex.

Thank you for your kind words.  And I will let suesue know about your prayers.  You are such a nice person.  ((hugs))

[treedimensional]

Mar 31, 2016 17:01:40 GMT -5 mryrcn said:

Your parents getting old. My father passed away 21 years ago. My mom has Alzheimer's & is in a nursing home. We live in different states. I went to see her today & took her out shopping. When I took her back to the center she broke down & started crying about how she hates it there. I know this home is the best place for her but it's heartbreaking. She told me that she doesn't love me & won't ever forgive me.

I drove away a mess.

How horrible. That would have ruined me too.

 

[Deleted]

Yup. My parents are 70 but very ill. Very hard

[Deleted]

Yup. My parents are 70 but very ill. Very hard