Choosing someone like your parents

[Deleted]

I got into a arguement with my on off bf tonight about his behavior. I had went out with my Mom and her friend for dinner and told him I would call him. Well, he I call him he is over at his loser friend's house drinikng (he wouldn't admit it so I didn't ask) and probably doing other things too (pot and cok).

I was trying to talk to him and explain while I didn't mind drinking , drinking almost everyday and other stuff , I don't want that. And he says "Oh, you don't want someone like your Dad". I just lost it and started crying. It's not I am anti-drug teetotaler I just believe there is a BIG difference between a once in while thing and all the time thing. And I really don't like certain drugs because they were a major contirbution to my Dad's death on Christmas Day many years ago. But, I have never told him because I don't think the needs to know that. And plus, he always throws in my face that "things would be soooo much better if your Dad were here" and "he would accept me and he'd would have helped us financially" It isn't my fault that my Dad is not here. He views my parents as my Dad was this great person and everything but my Mom is bitch from hell. I believe that my Dad was a great Dad to me and that he honestly loved my Mom but do I think he was a good husband, no. Between the drinking and drugs he IMO chose those over us as a family. And yes my Mom didn't really have a problem with everything in the beginning she eventually came to hate everything thst destoyed us as family. She has always said, "I should have told those people to get the hell out of my house but I didn't and look were it got me"

Did you marry someone like your parents (good or bad)?

This was just more of a vent please don't quote me I may delete sometime. And thank you for reading

[doriswe]

Why in the hell are you with this guy?? Cut your losses and move on....you deserve better than this.

And to answer your question....I married someone who was the complete opposite of my Dad. XH was caring, emotional, affectionate and funny....my dad was none of those things, he was heartless, detached and just an all around asshole. They both cheated, so I guess there is that similarity.

[lookingup]

I did marry a man that is like my dad in a lot of ways, and honestly, my dad is a shitty husband too. Are you in therapy? You need to ask yourself why you are in a relationship with this man. You sound absolutely miserable, and so does he.

[bumpushounds]

I'm really sorry that your boyfriend spoke to you like that. You'll have to excuse me, as I don't know the backstory, but he sounds like a dick. Am I missing some context that makes what he said less horrible?

To answer your question, my husband is a lot like my dad in that they both grew up in pretty dysfunctional families and had to fend for themselves starting at a young age. They both worked hard and made better choices so as not to repeat the unhealthy cycle. They both have a profound, genuine respect for women and see their spouses as equals, and they're happy to step outside of traditional gender roles. I do think the example that my parents set in their marriage led me to have very high standards in relationships.

It's perfectly okay for you to love your dad and have fond memories of him while accepting that he had faults and you want something different in a partner. It seems like your boyfriend is using your conflicted feelings about your dad to manipulate you and avoid responsibility for himself. I don't want to come off as being critical because, as I said, I don't know the backstory, but to me what he said to you sounds completely insensitive and cruel.

[phred]

he always throws in my face that "things would be soooo much better if your Dad were here" and "he would accept me and he'd would have helped us financially"

If I understand correctly, this guy is an emotionally abusive asshole who can't support himself.

Am I missing something?

[udscoobychick]

Aug 31, 2012 21:58:37 GMT -5 @geeka said:

She has always said, "I should have told those people to get the hell out of my house but I didn't and look were it got me"

Take a long, hard look at this. You're perpetuating the cycle by dating a guy who's into hard drugs. Do you want to be saying the exact same thing as your mom in 20 years?

[BlueBayou]

Everyone on here is absolutely right. This asshole is not a real man and needs to be kicked to the curb. Please realize you will be living the same hell all over if you do not act for your own self respect and happiness.