H has been back home for about a month and said he feels like he still does about 80% of the chores and work around the house. I am just trying to get a frame of reference for what others do to come up with a plan.
i do 95% because i'm a sahw. h has no regular chores, but he does things as he sees the need or when asked.
we're discussing this and how it will change when i start working this summer. so far our plan is to list out all the things that need done each day and whoever has time first does it. thankfully we have no yard work and live in a tiny apartment so the daily upkeep, including cooking should take less than an hour.
Its sort of split evenly. We each take care of our own laundry. He seems to enjoy vacuuming, so he does that. I clean the kitchen and he cleans the bathroom. Oh but he has no idea how to cook, so that's all me.
our chores are divided based on what we like to do. he doesn't mind cleaning the floors, and I don't mind laundry. He makes the bed, and I do the grocery shopping. We both wash our own dishes as soon as they are used, and we take turns emptying the dishwasher.
We both do hate cleaning the bathroom, so this can get overlooked. lol. usually one of us just caves and gets it done, or we've also asked the other to help to tackle it together.
I like our system. no one feels like the other is in charge, and I don't usually have to ask him to do things (he knows the floors are his, so he washes them when he notices they need it). However, we only have a 1BR apartment to clean, and we don't have kids or pets so there isn't much to do.
Post by ladybrettashley on May 17, 2012 12:13:33 GMT -5
I'm probably a bad example, but DH does about 90%. Granted, he has been a SAHD for the past 5 months. Now that he's working again, he still does about 80%. I'm a lazyass and he always complains about how I do things. I'm trying to get better...
Post by peachdragon on May 17, 2012 12:16:05 GMT -5
I'm a SAHM, and I do about 95% as well. The only thing he does is mop the floors once a week and take out the garbage cans. When I was working, I probably did about 70%.
We don't have any kind of split. We just kind of do whatever needs to get done whenever we have the time. I usually do the laundry because I'm a PIA about how I like my stuff washed. H usually does the lawn stuff because he is off on Fridays and can get it done so it doesn't interfere with our weekend. On the ocassion he has to work on a Friday, we will both do the lawn together on Saturday. The inside stuff is done by whomever has the time. If I have a day I am working from home, I can get a lot of cleaning done at lunch. I will fully admit that my H is much better at cleaning then I am.
The honest truth is that people overestimate their own contributions and underestimate the contributions of others. My guess is he isn't really doing 80% but that doesn't really matter, you both need to feel like things are equal.
We have a list of chores that we came up with together, and we each got to pick and choose in order (so we each picked our favorites first). Some chores count as more than one because of the amount of time they take. We have also had many discussions regarding expectations. For example, DH says that my expectations for the house are higher than his. We have agreed that because of this, I need to speak up if I feel like he isn't helping enough while also understanding that he just doesn't see things the same way I do.
I have someone who comes every other week. She does the major stuff (i.e. scrubbing the shower, etc), but I do the majority of the rest of the stuff. My H is good at "straigtening" as he calls it, bascially organizing clutter into piles and leaving them to sit until I go through and deal with it.
We have a fairly even split based on our skills and interests. I do almost all the cooking, grocery shopping, kids' appointments, investing, and gift buying. DH handles the dishes/daily kitchen clean up, dog, garbage, dry cleaning, bill paying, and home and car repairs. We share laundry, general tidying up, daycare drop offs and pickups, and other parenting duties. Our housekeeper does all the deep cleaning, and we don't bother to mop, clean the bathrooms, change the sheets, etc. in the interim unless it is really needed.
The honest truth is that people overestimate their own contributions and underestimate the contributions of others. My guess is he isn't really doing 80% but that doesn't really matter, you both need to feel like things are equal.
I definitely think this is true. Especially when I'm mad at h for something else. I do most of the cooking, cleaning, upkeep. H mows the grass and does all of the maintenance on the cars. When we do a big house clean he helps. It takes him a lot longer to do each task so I still end up completing more in the same time.
I do almost all the cooking, wash dishes, and clean the main floor of the house. DH does all the laundry, yard work and keeps the basement clean. He also ends up doing most of the dog care, since he gets up earlier and home earlier.
Post by stephogirl on May 17, 2012 12:22:32 GMT -5
I'm currently laid off/SAHM, so I view it as part of my job to take care of as much of the household/outside responsibilities as possible. I probably take care of about 90%. However, when DH walks in the door, everything that still needs to be done is 50/50. Before I was laid off, I did the shopping and cooking. He did the laundry and most of the cleaning but I would pitch in if it was a big job.
Post by vanillacourage on May 17, 2012 12:23:10 GMT -5
DH does everything outside, including the pool in the summer. I do most of the day -to-day cleaning and laundry and then on the weekends when I suddenly look around, realize the house is a pit and start screeching, we both just tackle everything for a couple hours until its acceptable.
Our tasks are decided for one of three reasons: 1. It is a chore we prefer (me paying bills, him vacuuming) 2. The other finds it unimportant so we do it ourselves (he buys groceries because I go infrequently, I scrub the bathrooms because I don't think he ever would) 3. We split a chore--he takes out the kitchen trash but I put a new bag in, Shared kitchen clean-up, he washes sheets and I put them on the bed.
It seems to work pretty well. He does a bit more than me--probably split 60% (him)/ 40% (me)
H cooks, does dishes, does the floors (vacuum/mop), and cleans his bathroom. He also mows 95% of the time
I do all the other cleaning, the laundry, pay the bills, do all scheduling/calling, and household shopping, and anything other than mowing outside.
Its still probably weighted more toward H, but I can't do some of the stuff because of my back issues and I also have to deal with everything when he travels for work.
Post by IrishBelle on May 17, 2012 12:28:23 GMT -5
I do the laundry, gardening, grocery shopping, cooking, making lunches, and dishes. DH does bath time with the kids and outside work. I also do general tidying of the house but cleaning is shared because we both hate it.
I do most of it because I take the initiative. Now that DD is here, one of us is usually playing with her while the other does chores. Or we do them while she sleeps. I am BFing, so he has to do some things while I feed her.
It breaks down to:
me- dust, laundry, dishes him- vacuum plus wash other floors, takes out trash and recycling varies depending on who is busy- bathrooms, windows
ETA: We both go grocery shopping, though I cook most of the time. I do all the bill pay. We both handle the dogs, though he probably does this more than me.
We have a list of chores that we came up with together, and we each got to pick and choose in order (so we each picked our favorites first). Some chores count as more than one because of the amount of time they take. We have also had many discussions regarding expectations. For example, DH says that my expectations for the house are higher than his. We have agreed that because of this, I need to speak up if I feel like he isn't helping enough while also understanding that he just doesn't see things the same way I do.
We actually just had this conversation the other night and I finally feel like we have a solution worked out that makes both of us feel better.
I have always been responsible for cleaning the house, doing laundry, grocery shopping, and taking care of the finances.
H is responsible for any outside work (snow removal, mowing the lawn, weeding, picking up dog poo, etc.)
I've always felt that I do much more than my share, which he doesn't dispute. Really though, my issue is with cleaning the house. I don't mind the other stuff. We decided to split up the house to certain days of the week.
Monday- laundry
Tuesday- bedrooms: vacuuming, dusting, making the beds, cleaning mirrors, etc.
Wednesday- bathrooms: floors, mirrors, toilet, sink, bathtub/shower, taking out trash, etc.
Thursday- living room: floors (vacuum and steam), dusting, wiping down leather furniture, organizing side tables, etc.
Friday- kitchen: cleaning and sanitizing counters, cleaning sink, cleaning/putting away dishes, vacuum and steam floors, wipe down microwave, clearing toaster and toaster oven, wiping down inside of fridge, etc.
Saturday- entry: floors (vacuum and steam), vacuum couch and chair, dust surfaces (including table and wine glass racks)
I'm responsible for Monday and Tuesday. He's responsible for Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday. Friday is shared. I feel like this is going to help keep our house much cleaner because things are broken down rather than having to do them all at once. I should note that we have sort of a different situation than most because we have almost totally opposite schedules, so it's hard to find time to do chores together.
Can you guys make a list (as someone suggested) and agree on who does what? That way you guys both feel equal?
I would also say don't forget things like purchasing/mailing cards and gifts for family members, kids birthday parties, etc. Sounds silly, but managing that takes a bit of time too (and I say that because it's my job in the relationship), and often goes unrecognized.
I get cooking, cleaning, laundry, anything inside, and DH gets the big stuff, fixing the larger machinery, moving the hay, fixing the fences, chopping fire wood, bringing it inside. We sorta both help each other with feeding the horses and the dog stuff. But in the end, DH definitely does more.
We're very retro here DH: takes out the trash, mows the lawn, and does projects like basic repairs and painting.
I basically do everything else with the help of a cleaning service. I SAH though so I have more time than he does to tackle chores like laundry or emptying the dishwasher. It works for us.
Post by formerlyak on May 17, 2012 12:58:11 GMT -5
We have a cleaning lady that comes twice a month for the deep clean and a gardener that comes weekly for the yard work.
BF is pretty tidy, so we both just kind of pick up after ourselves as far as clutter is concerned. DS is also responsible for getting his toys and other things away.
Other than that, we do laundry together on weekends. He'll start the load, I will transfer to the dryer because he puts things in the dryer that shouldn't go in there. I cook most nights. He does the dishes.