If I hear, "don't WIKE it!" one more GD time...

[Deleted]

Leave lots of extra time so you don't feel rushed because it just makes you angrier.
Otherwise - try to remember a good time. Like sleeping. Or drinking. But that might just make you angrier because sleep is hours away.
I think it helps to give choices to begin with.
Which shoes? Choose out of two pairs. Obviously this didn't work with the pants but a lot of times at this age, I hear it's about asserting themselves and wanting to make choices because so many choices are made for them.

[lurknomore]

Patience. And letting her choose. I leave out two outfits for my 2 year old (my older DDs never cared at this age...she is very opinionated!) and let her pick from a limited set of choices.

But, hey...It sounds like she's talking a whole bunch, so yay for that!!

[thebreakfastclub]

Mornings suck a lot here, honestly. I feel like I did nothing but raise my voice, count to 3, offer choices, correct DS yesterday. Today was better, I suppose.

I offer choices. For example, DS chose yogurt and fruit vs a bagel half for breakfast yesterday. Then when he gets what he chose, he yells, NO I WANT A BAGEL THIS IS YUCKY GO AWAY MOMMY YOU MADE A BAD CHOICE.

Then after carrying on, it's too late to make a bagel and get there on time (where he will eat a 2nd breakfast anyway!)

So no advice really. It does put a sour mood on the whole day, just like a bad bedtime is miserable too.

[chickens987]

May 5, 2016 7:57:24 GMT -5 swizz said:

May 5, 2016 7:54:44 GMT -5 thebreakfastclub said:

So no advice really. It does put a sour mood on the whole day, just like a bad bedtime is miserable too.

Ugh, yeah bed time has been rougher than normal too. She gets mad and "doesn't wike" getting in bed. 

The only thing that seems to be working lately is just pretending like I'm leaving without tucking her in and she's cries out and lays down. I did that this morning too because she wouldn't get down from the counter to leave, so I just pretended I was leaving and she comes crying after me. 

I'm probably setting her up for a lifetime of therapy. 

We had to do that for a brief time. It doesn't seem to have had any lasting ill effects!

As far as not liking choices, a lot of the time here it's you decide or I decide.

[hermione]

We've had success with the duck timer (someone here suggested it). We set our phones' timers to the duck sound. If she won't do something (like get ready for bed, pick a shirt, etc), I say ok, I'm setting the duck for 2 minutes and when the duck says so, it's time to brush teeth (or mommy gets to pick the shirt, etc).

There's something about the duck being the one to say it's time to do X (as opposed to me) that takes the fight out of her. "Oh, silly duck! We have to do teeth now, Mommy. Hurry!"

[kategm]

May 5, 2016 7:57:24 GMT -5 swizz said:

May 5, 2016 7:54:44 GMT -5 thebreakfastclub said:

So no advice really. It does put a sour mood on the whole day, just like a bad bedtime is miserable too.

Ugh, yeah bed time has been rougher than normal too. She gets mad and "doesn't wike" getting in bed. 

The only thing that seems to be working lately is just pretending like I'm leaving without tucking her in and she's cries out and lays down. I did that this morning too because she wouldn't get down from the counter to leave, so I just pretended I was leaving and she comes crying after me. 

I'm probably setting her up for a lifetime of therapy. 

Lots and lots and lots of commiseration. You have described my every day for the last month. It's exhausting and making it very hard to be a good parent. M doesn't want choices either. She just wants to "no" the whole thing. Everything. Every time. I have legit asked her a few times if anything is ever going to make her happy again. she said NO! (Duh)

[countthestars]

Ugh, sorry. We are battling this too. I am trying to give two choices of everything and just going with whatever she picks first. It's super annoying though. And I get snappy at her, so I am not one to give advice.

[thebreakfastclub]

It's funny how different DS is at daycare. They have a modified bus come once a week for 30 minutes of gymnastics. We asked that DS skip it this week due to his eyebrow stitches.

The teachers forgot and he got on the bus. Then they remembered and had to get him off the bus. He didn't cry or freak out at all. He said that the doctor said he couldn't do gymnastics this week, and he got off the bus and went back to the room.

Meanwhile, he's crying on my living room floor this morning because a lamp is on.

[noodleskooze]

Leo's new thing is "I don't want to."

Well DUH you don't want to sit in time out. That's kind of the point!

[JRo]

Sometimes choices just makes things worse for us, lol. Like, I give him a choice, he refuses to choose, I choose for him instead, then suddenly he wants the other one, then I give him the other one, now he wants the first one, etc.

What USUALLY helps us is just keeping it light/silly. If he is being stubborn about something, I'll start tickling him or making goofy sounds...whatever. That sometimes helps snap him out of the funk.

[Deleted]

May 5, 2016 7:55:28 GMT -5 swizz said:

May 5, 2016 7:50:58 GMT -5 lurknomore said:

Patience. And letting her choose. I leave out two outfits for my 2 year old (my older DDs never cared at this age...she is very opinionated!) and let her pick from a limited set of choices.

But, hey...It sounds like she's talking a whole bunch, so yay for that!!

Definitely talking more, lol, not sure it's a yay though! haha (no, really, it is!)

The thing is, she doesn't really seem to have an opinion, just doesn't like it. I'll try the choices again, but I've done that recently and she doesn't really care to pick, just doesn't want anything? 

Does she have a sensory issue with the clothes? Like tags, or material, waist bands, seams on socks. Could it be something like that? Or is that she doesn't like having to get dressed?

[MadamePresident]

When I'm a good parent I tried to give the right words for a situation. Maybe it's not that she doesn't like the shoes, but that her socks are bunched up in them. If I can find a solution like that, then tell her what to say in that situation. It's okay to not like something, but you need to explain why so it can be fixed if possible. My husband is so much better at that than I am.

Kids are hard and frustrating at time, but it will get better. When they go through these difficult stages I try to remember that.

[Deleted]

May 5, 2016 8:02:10 GMT -5 hermione said:

We've had success with the duck timer (someone here suggested it). We set our phones' timers to the duck sound. If she won't do something (like get ready for bed, pick a shirt, etc), I say ok, I'm setting the duck for 2 minutes and when the duck says so, it's time to brush teeth (or mommy gets to pick the shirt, etc).

There's something about the duck being the one to say it's time to do X (as opposed to me) that takes the fight out of her. "Oh, silly duck! We have to do teeth now, Mommy. Hurry!"

This was me! It really does work. I used the duck 3 times this morning.

[kershnic]

Extra time really does help a lot, but I'm terrible at actually managing to do that.

Being silly helps too. Like, oh, you don't want to put your pants on? What if mommy puts them on? Haha, that's so silly, they're too small for mommy! What should we have for breakfast? Socks? Haha, that's so silly, socks for breakfast!

And honestly sometimes I just hold them down while they cry because clothes need to go on and we need to go to school.

As for food... for breakfast we try pretty hard to let daycare do it. But if we're doing it at home we *try* to give them whatever food is for the meal and if they don't want to eat it then they don't eat. Sometimes it's easier said than done.

[dancingirl21]

We've had great success with giving options. Here are your 3 options - grapes, strawberries or banana? And 99% of the time, he chooses one. Prior to this everything was, "NO! I don't WANT THAT!!" Rinse, repeat. But giving him some control has helped tremendously.

ETA: If he wavers or takes too long to decide, we give him a warning.  "J, either you need to pick something or mommy is going to pick it for you." 

[djc315]

I use a timer sometimes, and our new one is "let's race!". We race the daycare teacher to leave school, we race his friends to school, we race the dog, we race the toaster oven, whatever seems to work at the moment lol.

[Deleted]

Commiseration too my friend. DS is 4yo and says "dat's NOT my fwavorite!" Some days I think "well we can't always eat our favorite things, otherwise I would subsist solely on chocolate cake and weigh 400 pounds."

[Deleted]

May 5, 2016 8:43:09 GMT -5 dancingirl21 said:

We've had great success with giving options. Here are your 3 options - grapes, strawberries or banana? And 99% of the time, he chooses one. Prior to this everything was, "NO! I don't WANT THAT!!" Rinse, repeat. But giving him some control has helped tremendously.

ETA: If he wavers or takes too long to decide, we give him a warning.  "J, either you need to pick something or mommy is going to pick it for you." 

Oh yeah I do that for everything, DS loves to dawdle. "DS, pick something by the count of three or I'm going to pick for you. One...two..."

[kategm]

May 5, 2016 8:53:25 GMT -5 @invino said:

kategm, I'm pretty sure we birthed the same child. Perhaps later in life they will fall in love and have extraordinarily difficult children together? Muahahahaha.

I'm getting payback from my husband's childhood. According to my mother, I never acted like this. Maybe my 2nd kid will be more rational?

[kategm]

May 5, 2016 8:53:25 GMT -5 @invino said:

kategm, I'm pretty sure we birthed the same child. Perhaps later in life they will fall in love and have extraordinarily difficult children together? Muahahahaha.

But she's betrothed to Prince George. <3

[sweetday]

May 5, 2016 8:42:51 GMT -5 kershnic said:

Extra time really does help a lot, but I'm terrible at actually managing to do that.

Being silly helps too. Like, oh, you don't want to put your pants on? What if mommy puts them on? Haha, that's so silly, they're too small for mommy! What should we have for breakfast? Socks? Haha, that's so silly, socks for breakfast!

And honestly sometimes I just hold them down while they cry because clothes need to go on and we need to go to school.

As for food... for breakfast we try pretty hard to let daycare do it. But if we're doing it at home we *try* to give them whatever food is for the meal and if they don't want to eat it then they don't eat. Sometimes it's easier said than done.

This is what we do too. 

[Deleted]

May 5, 2016 8:43:29 GMT -5 swizz said:

May 5, 2016 7:49:33 GMT -5 @hannymarren said:

Leave lots of extra time so you don't feel rushed because it just makes you angrier.

I do think I need to get up earlier too. I've been late every day this week and rushed. 

I only take her to school once a week and I don't work that day and the stress of getting out on time is insane. I can't imagine trying to get me ready too. But now, any time we leave the house, my goal time to leave is 20 min before the real time we need to go. We have gotten so good at leaving that we have started arriving places early. So it does get better.