Consequence: WWYD

[claralou]

C had ballet tonight. Not a drop off class. Typically there are 6-7 little girls in the class. Today there were just 4 there. C's BFF was one of the ones absent, leaving another 4 year old and two young 3 year olds. One of the 3 year olds (D) is the ballet instructor's daughter. D is always a tad wild/out of control/doesn't listen (likely because her mom is the teacher.) C and the other 4 year olds always give this kid a wide berth- and pretty much stick together.

The instructor asked the girls to hold hands in a circle. C was reaching for the hand of the other 4 year old when D bounded in between them and held out her hands. Other 4 year old took D's hand. C jerks her hand back rudely and says "no! I don't wanna hold D's hand!" She knew it wasn't an ok thing to say, because she instantly turned and looked right at me, pouting. I was sitting with another mom and pointedly gave her "the look" and said "Clara. Was that kind?" She turned and ignored me and moved to the other side of the circle. The instructor hugged her daughter and helped her hold hands with the other two girls and moved on.

When they finished the circle, I called C over and asked her how she thought that made D feel. She shrugged and said "she's ok now. I can tell". No. I asked her how she would feel if someone said that to her. She said "I'd feel sad". Right. I calmly told her it was a problem and asked her how she was going to fix it. She stared at the floor and shrugged. I told her she could apologize, or she could say something kind to D instead. She ran back to the group but pointedly avoided D. This went on for about 10 min and I called her back to me and asked her again if she was going to fix the problem. She said she wasn't going to and repeated that D was fine. So I grabbed my bag, walked over to the teacher and said that if C can't be kind, she can't stay today, and apologized for her behavior. The teacher nodded and thanked me. On the way out, mom I was sitting with gave me a smile and a thumbs up. Other 3 year old mom that I don't know glared right at me, rolled her eyes and shook her head in a way that was clearly NOT "hey. Been there!", and went back to her phone. Obviously this is bothering me now.

My kid was mean to another child. She refused to apologize so I removed her from class and took her home. Was that not the right thing to do? WWYD?

[lolaburns]

I would have done exactly as you did. I'm so sorry, J. These situations are so hard. However, in going to guess that I'm probably not as nice as you so when the other mother gave me a glare and an eye roll I would have said I wasn't raising an asshole, was she?

[charlielove]

You were right. Judgey mom is a grade A asshole.

[rjamz]

Team you

[muppetinma]

Team you. I would have done the exact same thing. Well, I might have given the jerk mom the finger on the way out, but other than that, the exact same thing.

[TrudyCampbell]

You did the right thing!!

[carawestt]

I would have handled it exactly the way you did.

[shevacc]

You did the right thing. We do the same "how can you fix it" thing for inappropriate behavior. The other mom was in the wrong, I don't get what she was even trying to accomplish with her glare?

[Deleted]

You handled it perfectly. You are awesome. Other mom is a turd.

[laurensmomma]

Yup, team you.

[honeybee503]

You did the right thing. You are doing a great job teaching C, and the judgy mom is a jerk.

[laurack]

You handled it great! Screw that judgy mom

[dbe100408]

Team you. Judgy mom could've followed the instructions you gave your four year old and NOT have been an asshole. (I'm assuming she didn't say anything kind or apologize.)

[eav2c]

It was the right thing to do. I don't know how any parent could judge that.

[chirpchirp]

Team you!

[Faevantastic]

Ugh, I hate the judgy mom. Good for you for following through. Parents these days don't do that enough!

[creamsiclechica]

You did everything, EVERYTHING, right. I like charlielove's response, lol.

[ktstorm]

You did the right thing!

[dojo]

Your behaviour = perfectly acceptable; maybe that other mom would have benefited from some swift consequences for being rude

[jsillyfun]

Weird. So you think she was judging bc she thought you were being too strict or bc she thought your kid was so awful? Either way she's a b. I would have handled it just as you did.

[artgal84]

You totally did the right thing. That other mom is rude, don't ruminate on it, she's not worth your time.

[claralou]

May 12, 2016 18:43:31 GMT -5 shevacc said:

You did the right thing. We do the same "how can you fix it" thing for inappropriate behavior. The other mom was in the wrong, I don't get what she was even trying to accomplish with her glare?

I'm not sure? She was staring at me the whole time while I was talking to C. I couldn't tell if she thought I was creating more drama than necessary, or if she thought I should have stepped in sooner. Regardless, she certainly did not approve. Bitch.

Thanks, guys. Her behavior has been rotten lately, but I've never seen her be mean to anyone. I will not tolerate that. But it's hard to know if you're doing it "right" in the moment. Thanks for making me feel better.

[helicase]

You did the right thing. Sometimes I'm not steadfast enough in my convictions and might let it slide (repeated warnings, but no consequence -- which is BAD). I need to be more like you and stick to my guns because I know that's how our kids learn.

[claralou]

May 12, 2016 20:46:40 GMT -5 helicase said:

You did the right thing. Sometimes I'm not steadfast enough in my convictions and might let it slide (repeated warnings, but no consequence -- which is BAD). I need to be more like you and stick to my guns because I know that's how our kids learn.

Oh I do the same thing ALL the time, particularly when there aren't obvious natural consequences. Her behavior in this situation just seemed too bad to let it go/explain later.

[lolaburns]

It's so bizarre to me that another parent would take the energy to do this to you. I really just don't even get it. I'm lucky to have the energy to not totally space out much less be this invested in someone's parenting.

[TrudyCampbell]

May 12, 2016 20:46:40 GMT -5 helicase said:

You did the right thing. Sometimes I'm not steadfast enough in my convictions and might let it slide (repeated warnings, but no consequence -- which is BAD). I need to be more like you and stick to my guns because I know that's how our kids learn.

I feel the same. You've inspired me to be a better mom, claralou! Especially with miss ruby who is giving me a run for my money.

[claralou]

TrudyCampbell thank you, but omg I shouldn't be anyone's inspiration. My darling girl is a handful and a half, and I feel like I'm failing her about 80% of the time. If I got this situation right, I can tell you of at least 50 more where I blew it. I just never know what this kid is going to throw at me lately, and it's getting harder vs easier.

[lolaburns]

I don't know if this might help anyone or not, but it has helped L's behavior tremendously over the last few weeks. His behavior had become something else and I would often put him to bed then sit on the couch upset over where my sweet child went. I started talking to him about being proud of himself - how earning makes you feel proud, doing something nice, helping, listening, following directions all make you feel proud of yourself. Once he realized what feeling proud felt like and that it made him feel good instead of the negative behavior making him really not feel good , I think things clicked. He even now tells me that he is proud of me for not yelling. LOL

[onehitwonder]

You did great! Ignore the other mom and hope that one day she gets it and follows your lead.

[nannerl]

Oh dude. Team You. I would have done the same thing.