Help me, please!! (it's long)

[Deleted]

I really think a lot of it has to do with the age! Wyatt was on time out for half the day yesterday it seems. Does something he shouldn't do, reprimand, melt down for the books, put on time out, discussion about it, good for 10 minutes and boom he does something he shouldn't and knows he shouldn't again. And if he wasn't breaking the laws, he was having a meltdown because I wouldn't let him have chocolate at 8am or I wouldn't let him paint the furniture in glitter paint (which he did anyway when I wasn't looking for 5 min).

I am definitely finding the last month or so way more difficult. These little personalities are awesome yet crazy.

I really should have named wyatt no.

[Deleted]

It's 4am and I'm up with so sorry for the sort response but this sounds exactly like Delaney right now. Exactly.
You're not alone

[teamhayes]

Sounds just like Miller

Unfortunately you are not alone
It is so frustrating and infuriating but misery loves company so we are here with you

[rjamz]

Age! Jamie is such a pain in the butt most days! Everything's a fight or a tantrum, my patience is worn very very thin

I was at the park with some friends on Saturday and one them leaned over and whispered "so is your 4 year old an asshole too?"

[Deleted]

Noah is the same way. It is very frustrating, I am sorry that you guys are going through it but hopefully this is short lived!

[teamhayes]

Sometimes I feel like I have a house full of teenage girls with he mood swings

The tears the tantrums the storming off the injustice!

[devonpow]

Normal! I wouldn't say E is like this all day every day, but he definitely has days where it's one.thing.after.another. He's actually been like this for a while (he peaked early lol) and seems to be coming out the other side. Just stay as consistent as you can - it won't last forever!

[ktstorm]

Normal. My mom described 4 year olds as talking negotiating 2 year olds. I'm pretty sure B could wear down any interrogator and send them screaming. My patience is threadbare at best these days.

[claralou]

Normal here too. It's infuriating. Whining, negotiating, not listening, repeat.

[EmmieB1025]

gamecockgirl74, I'm sorry that you're having trouble with A. At the same time, I'm so relieved to know that so many of us are dealing with the same issues! I have been struggling with E for a few months and am at my wits end. Glad to know I'm not alone!

[steph196]

May 24, 2016 6:37:06 GMT -5 devonpow said:

Normal! I wouldn't say E is like this all day every day, but he definitely has days where it's one.thing.after.another. He's actually been like this for a while (he peaked early lol) and seems to be coming out the other side. Just stay as consistent as you can - it won't last forever!

This is where we are also. It started at 2.5 and I feel like she is almost out of it. I feel your pain though! I hope it is short lived for you!

[devonpow]

May 24, 2016 6:52:54 GMT -5 gamecockgirl74 said:

May 24, 2016 6:37:06 GMT -5 devonpow said:

Normal! I wouldn't say E is like this all day every day, but he definitely has days where it's one.thing.after.another. He's actually been like this for a while (he peaked early lol) and seems to be coming out the other side. Just stay as consistent as you can - it won't last forever!

Do you promise it won't last forever??

I promise! Not that my 9 year old still doesn't drive me crazy all the time (this morning he was running around shooting nerf darts out of his MOUTH at Elliot instead of putting his shoes on. I lost it) but the irrationality and constant screaming will end! Then you get moodiness and ennui lol

[dojo]

I'm sorry you're having such a rough go of it. All of her behaviour sounds like things H does, I don't know if that is a comfort to you.

I think at 4 they are struggling because they are somewhere between babyhood and kidhood. They want some independence but want us by their side doing things for them too. Meanwhile we're edging them further and further into independence which might be a bit scary/sad for them. H tells me he wants to be my little guy forever and doesn't want to grow. I don't think they have the insight to understand the balance between their independence and their need for us. H throws a fit when he wants to do something and then throws a fit again if I don't participate.

He also pulls the "if I can't have X I don't want anything" card. When he does that I usually say "ok that's fine. You can go scream somewhere else, you don't have to have what I have offered." He usually realizes he's about to get nothing and wises up at that point.

I think it's really normal for their emotions to flip flop and seemingly have an on/off switch at this age.

I'm sorry - I've got no advice just commiserating!

[sunshineluv]

From what you have told us, I wouldn't worry about Anna's mental health. You are probably just more in tune with what could be signs of anxiety, I think her behavior sounds like typical 4 year old antics.

Is she in pre-school yet? It may be good for both of you to get her in a program in the fall to give you some space and her some independence. Since it is almost summer maybe there are some Y camps near you? They have some really cool ones she may love.

[laurack]

This age is very challenging. I find myself asking matilda (ok sometimes/often yelling it) "why are you never happy? you have everything yet you are ALWAYS sad /whiny/ grumpy???"

I can't stand it. She can be so so sweet and loving. But then most of the time she is a major pain in the ass

I swear she WANTS to fight. If she asks for something it's in a combative voice "I WANT a snack. I WANT yogurt" If I say "oh yeah sure, here you go" she's disappointed. She wanted yogurt yes, but she wanted to complain about NOT getting it more! Then she eats the yogurt while clearly plotting the next thing to create a fuss about. Or maybe she'll move right on to the spoon I gave her which is clearly WRONG.

This morning she said both spoons I offered for her cheerios were WRONG and she STORMED OVER to the cutlery drawer and chose one herself (identical to one I gave her) slammed the drawer and stormed back. This is all before 7am. Then when I hugged her she said I was the best mommy in the WORLD and she loved me so so much. (heart)  Then, a second after that she started screaming about how she wanted three hugs not two and I was the worst and she didn't love me any more </3  Why do you toy with me !!!!!!

:drink: :beer:

 

[lolaburns]

Oh man the whining. And tantrums....and whining.

I started ignoring it and as hard as it is to just stop the whining and tantrums by giving in to whatever non necessity need they need met I ignore it. It's got a bit better because he learned hat behavior isn't going to get him what he wants. If he is tantruming and whining badly I give him two chances to stop and use his words otherwise he needs to go to his room until he can use his words to express his needs. It took a couple of weeks of being very hard lined about this, but eventually the behavior did modify. It does still happen, but it is less frequent and the durations are shorter. I find that him
Seeing E act like this also really aggravates the situation and he mimics the behavior. So I also have to tell her to use her words as pretend. So many hugs!!!!

[ivegotthemunchkins]

I agree that it's totally the age. Allison has her ups and downs and some days are much better than others. She can be the sweetest little thing one minute and then a moody teenage girl the next. It's totally exhausting, like you said, but I feel like it's happening less and less as she gets older.

You are not alone! We will not let the four-year-olds bring us down!

Sending virtual drinks your way!!

[breezy8407]

That sounds a lot like DD right now. In the past 3-4 weeks she's been a nightmare. Listening to nothing, talking back, fussing over everything, tantrums, talking back, etc.

The worst was when we were getting reports that she was acting out and not listening at school. We kept taking things away (lovies, toys, her bike) and her being in time outs most evenings. This past weekend was finally a little better. But last night she threw a fit when I took the ipad away and then continued to cry and whine while tucking her in.

The only thing that helps me is that she is a twin, and DS is nothing like her. So even though I want to blame us as parents, he is much better behaved and rational and is in the same environment.

[dbe100408]

Normal. I feel like school helped tremendously. I'm sure it's a combination of age and structure, but school helped a ton for us. I'm counting down the days until August 17......

[dixeedeluxe]

Kids suck.

Last night, Edie demanded that we go to the Bahamas before she turned 6 (which is in September). DH laughed so loud and said "That is the most Edie thing you've ever said."

Kids suck.

[blane12]

Thank you for asking this question. B is always on the verge of a tantrum lately and the WHINING!!!

Since he has apraxia, I kinda assumed he was just hitting his 'terrible twos' since he never really had them. He can be SO sweet, but then such a jerk. There are so many emotions. He had me crying on Sunday because I feel like I'm messing him up. If we can't find a specific car, tantrum. If he can't have something he asks for right away (like ice cream right before dinner), tantrum. If he can't ride the boat right now (my dads boat which is an hour away), tantrum. He's also started hitting me when he's frustrated - just me though and not hard - he just wants a reaction. If C gets in trouble for something like throwing food on the floor, he'll do it and look right at me just waiting for a reaction.

We usually do timeouts, but they aren't always working, so when I get really frustrated, I send him to his room. Then I feel bad because he's crying. Like just listen to me and everything would be fine!! Ugh. No advice obviously as I'm struggling too. But I don't think it sounds like mental illness - just normal toddler craziness. Hugs. It has to end sometime right?

[dixeedeluxe]

May 24, 2016 6:10:37 GMT -5 gamecockgirl74 said:

Guys, I am at the end of my rope with Anna.  I have mental illness stuff and I am so worried that I passed it along to her.  SHE IS SO IRRATIONAL.  Everything, I mean everything is a battle.  Nothing is ever good enough.  She whines and cries over everything.  I put her in her room and let her calm down and she apologizes only to come out of the room and do it again in 5 minutes.  Whether it's bossing/hitting Sam, demanding that I let her do everything, etc etc.  

Yesterday I thought she was bored so I got the pool out.  She only wanted to play if I let her put water in it so I did.  It was full so we turned off the water and instead and going to enjoy it like Sam did, she wanted to pitch a fit.  I said, ok you can play in the sprinkler.  Turned it on and she wanted to pout and not play in it so I turned it off, tantrum of the ages.  I am not going to sit and waste water if you are not going to play in it.  She wanted to put the hammock up so I did, but I told her that I didn't want to push and she could do it, tantrum again.  By this point I was just done with her and ready to snap so I put her in her room.  She screamed for about 10 minutes and then stopped so I went in and she was happy as ever.  Like nothing ever happened.  We had dinner and things were fine.  My H gets home and we start bedtime and she starts again.  Mommy has to put her nightgown on, she doesn't have enough toothpaste, she wants to wash her hands, cry, cry, cry, scream, scream, scream.  I feel all we do is say no, but GOD DAMN!  I let her do a lot.  I don't have time or patience for her to do everything.  Is this a sign that something is wrong?  Are your kids this way?

I feel like she is only happy for a few hours a day and the rest is a complete disaster.  I used to be able to sleep and regain some patience for the next day and now I have none left.  I have nothing else to give and it makes me so sad.  So sad.  In the moments when she is sweet, I want to enjoy them, but I find myself still angry about the 5 hours before and not even wanting to talk to her  Geez.  

Will it be like this forever?  Do I need to have her see someone?  I just want to have a day where she is happy and we have fun and enjoy things.  

Thanks for reading.

pssst...this means it worked. 

you're teaching her coping techniques.

My only caution, and struggle that I deal with, is making the transaction smooth.  Meaning, when they can't pull themselves out of it, not to lose it MYSELF.  Rather, be calm and tell them they need to ride it out in their rooms. 

[kkfeb04]

I can't type out a proper response now but everyone please listen:

4 YEAR OLDS SUCK! They have so many emotions in that little body and they whine. Whine. Whine.

I suggest ear plugs and yes honey, whatever you say baby. Turn into your husband and just say sure. Wine, coffee, alcohol. All together or any order.

Seriously 4 sucks. 4 is when I had to get a behavior specialist for the older one.

[dixeedeluxe]

I get a lot of "YOU ARE THE WORST MOMMY EVER!" these days. I tell them (calmly) that they are the worst kids ever. Then they cry and I tell them that I am actually not the worst mommy ever and they are not the worst kids ever. they re like "You're right Mommy, we love you."

We all suck, LOL

[laurack]

Matilda was actually a pretty pleasant two year old and three year old. It was around 3.75 that things started to become unpleasant more often than they were pleasant I hope it ends soon, I feel like she is not allowing me to love her the way I want to lol

[bebeetmoi]

Another vote for this being their age:(

Like a few other ladies LOs, DD peaked early with the defiance and sass. Ridiculously early actually. We still have days that can be rough, but lately (knock on wood) her behavior has been a lot better.
To get to this point though I had to really put my foot down and IT WAS NOT PRETTY. I got so sick of repeating myself! So now, if she doesn't adjust her behavior after she's been warned, privileges immediately get taken away. And even though its harder for me than her- I stick to my guns.
I also find that TV makes her behavior soooooo much worse, so I really limit how much of it she gets (30 minutes in the morning or afternoon and 30 minutes before bed).

[jenbelle]

May 24, 2016 8:42:53 GMT -5 bebeetmoi said:

Another vote for this being their age:(

Like a few other ladies LOs, DD peaked early with the defiance and sass. Ridiculously early actually. We still have days that can be rough, but lately (knock on wood) her behavior has been a lot better.
To get to this point though I had to really put my foot down and IT WAS NOT PRETTY. I got so sick of repeating myself! So now, if she doesn't adjust her behavior after she's been warned, privileges immediately get taken away. And even though its harder for me than her- I stick to my guns.
I also find that TV makes her behavior soooooo much worse, so I really limit how much of it she gets (30 minutes in the morning or afternoon and 30 minutes before bed).

OMG does it ever!!!

[jenbelle]

gamecockgirl74,

I understand about the mental illness issue.  I worry all the time about Joshua inheriting my issues. 

I'm so grateful that Joshua is in daycare most of the time.  I think our lives would be a lot different if he wasn't.  But, yes, thank you all for agreeing it's their age.  I think the whininess is what puts me over the edge.  It's like freaking nails on a chalkboard.  We have a 30 minute ride to school every morning and until last week when I finally put my foot down, it was 30 minutes of whining. 

Now if he doesn't talk to me properly, I ignore until he can.

Love and hugs to all of you,

[laurensmomma]

Just out of curiosity, how was she for your husband this weekend? You were out of town, right?

This is so hard. I think we're all going through the same thing to some degree, so big hugs for you.

[kkfeb04]

May 24, 2016 8:36:31 GMT -5 gamecockgirl74 said:

May 24, 2016 8:32:41 GMT -5 kkfeb04 said:

I can't type out a proper response now but everyone please listen:

4 YEAR OLDS SUCK! They have so many emotions in that little body and they whine. Whine. Whine.

I suggest ear plugs and yes honey, whatever you say baby. Turn into your husband and just say sure. Wine, coffee, alcohol. All together or any order.

Seriously 4 sucks. 4 is when I had to get a behavior specialist for the older one.

I'm liking for you responding.  I'm sorry you had a get a behavior specialist  

Don't be sorry. It was more for daycare and more of a teacher couldn't handle him. It allows him to have an aide and that means I get a second set of eyes and don't have to worry about bullies with him because she would make sure to squash that. I love the TSS and the behavior specialist. Katelyn doesn't have his behaviors but omg the whine. At least he wasn't whiny. I'm terrible and offer her cheese with her whine.