Post by dr.girlfriend on Sept 4, 2012 15:09:46 GMT -5
See, on the one hand I understand that depression can be very crippling. On the other hand, if it's so bad that you can't work, you are not able to write your novel, and you should be eligible for Social Security Disability.
I do think sometimes people underestimate the difficulty of getting a retail job. My husband was unemployed for nine months, and he applied for a ton of "stop-loss" jobs -- Borders, etc. He never even got interviews because even with his "dumbed-down" resume and some college retail experience it must have been pretty obvious that he was overqualified. Not that it's exactly the same, but...
Post by kellbell191 on Sept 4, 2012 15:11:09 GMT -5
I'll just chime in off of Miso. My brother has some health/mental health issues that have contributed to his situation. But he is bright, funny, caring, and all around wonderful. When I harped on him not having a job, etc. it made our relationship toxic. Now that I've taken a step back, let him bring it up and wholeheartedly support him in whatever he does, our relationship has been awesome and he is making definite steps forward pursuing an unpaid gig in the arts for connections and then email applications to paid gigs to support his life. It took him awhile and I think it will be a process but once I made it not my problem it began to resolve itself. This took a crapload of willpower.
And my brother is totally the type of person who will stumble into wild success. More importantly, we love each other and he would do anything for his family, so I'm ignoring the whole dropping out of college and living on my parents sofa thing.
This is totally out of your brother's comfort zone and I'm sure is weird and challenging for him as well. I would offer help, ask a lot of questions, go off of what he tells you and encourage/support within that.
Does your brother have true aspirations? Do you think he could actually be capable of writing a novel?
The reason I ask is that I was the only one who believed in my brother. My parents did not support his dream. I knew he could do it, but he needed help until he landed his first real gig.
Is your brother a dreamer (with dreams that he can achieve)? Or is your brother a moocher?
I think based on your celebrity dinner post the other night that your brother does what my brother aspires to do : )
Does your brother have true aspirations? Do you think he could actually be capable of writing a novel?
The reason I ask is that I was the only one who believed in my brother. My parents did not support his dream. I knew he could do it, but he needed help until he landed his first real gig.
Is your brother a dreamer (with dreams that he can achieve)? Or is your brother a moocher?
That's a good point...you could be helping him look for entry-level jobs in publishing. "It's a good way to make contacts...maybe find an agent when your novel is ready..."
When I first met my husband he said he didn't want a family until he had his "three picture deal." In the end, we're finding a balance between making a steady income and taking calculated gambles on making a living with his filmmaking. I think there's a period of adjustment required for that, and people get to it at different points.
Does your brother have true aspirations? Do you think he could actually be capable of writing a novel?
The reason I ask is that I was the only one who believed in my brother. My parents did not support his dream. I knew he could do it, but he needed help until he landed his first real gig.
Is your brother a dreamer (with dreams that he can achieve)? Or is your brother a moocher?
Honestly, I think my brother really does suffer from crippling anxiety. His anxiety is so bad that he won't/can't drive a car. I think he needs professional help - more than I can provide.
But I would like to help him with his dreams. I do knwo some people in publishing so I will try to put him in touch with them.
But I also think he is lazy and entitled. I am sick of his attitude that he shouldn't have to work a min. wage job b/c they are beneath him. I feel like my parents unnecessarily coddled him and are continuing to enable him.
I am conflicted.
He doesn't do drugs or drink, so its not like he is out partying like many young people. I think he has an issue where he lacks self-confidence.
I think he also might have undiagnosed asperger's.
Now I sound like a whiny bitch. But my issue is that for many years he did not seek out assistance and refused to see doctors/therapists.
Yet another terrifying parent experience. How do some of your children turn out as successful, self-sufficient adults, while others are completely dependent?
In my family, I am convinced it is because my parents got tired of parenting. I am 8 years older than my brother, my sister is 2 years older than me. So they had two successful daughters, then big gap, then little brother.
Post by cricketwife on Sept 4, 2012 16:26:19 GMT -5
I don't know if this will make you feel better but this was exactly my brother. He refused to do anything "beneath" him. Then, 2 years and two months after graduation he landed a job in Manhattan working for six figures as a computer programmer with a major bank. His degree is in math. He taught himself the computer programming in those two years that he was doing nothing, mooching off my parents and refusing to get a job. Now, I don't recommend this as a way to approach the job market, but maybe your brother's great American novel will turn into something.
Does your brother have true aspirations? Do you think he could actually be capable of writing a novel?
The reason I ask is that I was the only one who believed in my brother. My parents did not support his dream. I knew he could do it, but he needed help until he landed his first real gig.
Is your brother a dreamer (with dreams that he can achieve)? Or is your brother a moocher?
Honestly, I think my brother really does suffer from crippling anxiety. His anxiety is so bad that he won't/can't drive a car. I think he needs professional help - more than I can provide.
But I would like to help him with his dreams. I do knwo some people in publishing so I will try to put him in touch with them.
But I also think he is lazy and entitled. I am sick of his attitude that he shouldn't have to work a min. wage job b/c they are beneath him. I feel like my parents unnecessarily coddled him and are continuing to enable him.
I am conflicted.
He doesn't do drugs or drink, so its not like he is out partying like many young people. I think he has an issue where he lacks self-confidence.
I think he also might have undiagnosed asperger's.
Now I sound like a whiny bitch. But my issue is that for many years he did not seek out assistance and refused to see doctors/therapists.
Hmm.
My brother is neither lazy nor entitled. Back then (and now), he gets up at 7 a.m. and starts writing immediately after getting ready for the day. If anything, he is far more diligent than I am.
Sigh. Based on my observations, my sister seems to be neither diligent nor ambitious. She quit the only full-time job she's had in over a year because she "felt like she had sold out."
I would try to use this trip to help him learn how to get a job. Find a resume writing seminar. Help him practice interviewing. Sign him up for some job searching websites. If you can afford it, maybe even buy him a suit. Maybe that will give him enough confidence to go out and land a job.