Post by blondnearby on Sept 4, 2012 11:55:07 GMT -5
Hi all. I am doing okay. Got out of the hospital Friday but ended up back in the ER Saturday and yesterday. Oh well. My new and most important issue is how do I handle this with my kids? Both of my girls are extremely attached to ex. My youngest had even started calling him daddy. I am going to put them both in counseling but how do I help them in the mean time? I don't think they have noticed anything yet except mommy and ex don't sleep in the same room any more because we still live together and will for at least awhile longer ( I am looking at having two major surgeries this year and cannot move out until after). How would you approach the situation?
Ugh, that's so hard. Can you just be honest with her without putting ex down? Like say "sometimes two people are better as friends, and we've decided to just be friends". What is his stance on this? Will he still be in the girls' lives?
Post by blondnearby on Sept 4, 2012 12:56:27 GMT -5
I have tried to talk to him about what role he wants to play in their lives but he always says he doesn't want to talk about it. So what do I do there?
I have tried to talk to him about what role he wants to play in their lives but he always says he doesn't want to talk about it. So what do I do there?
He sounds so immature and annoying I would venture to say it's best that he's NOT involved in their lives. Every time you post about him it makes me more upset for you. He's really acting his age on this one and that's not a good thing.
Are you staying put in the house with X? I think you owe it to your kids to be as honest as you can. "Mommy and X both love you but we decided not to get married." I also wish he wasn't a huge douche and you would know what he plans to do in regards to the kids down the road. I hate to say it, but I have a hard time believing he'll stick around for them.
I have tried to talk to him about what role he wants to play in their lives but he always says he doesn't want to talk about it. So what do I do there?
He sounds so immature and annoying I would venture to say it's best that he's NOT involved in their lives. Every time you post about him it makes me more upset for you. He's really acting his age on this one and that's not a good thing.
All of this.
I also think therapy is a great idea. Your girls have gone through so much more stuff than a regular adult, it would be helpful to have a counselor help them deal with their feelings.
Post by blondnearby on Sept 4, 2012 14:56:34 GMT -5
Yes, X lives in the house. I have a feeling he won't stick around once he leaves or we leave. His parents have made it very clear that they want to play an active role in the girls' lives regardless of X's and I's relationship status and I sincerely believe them. His mother has made it clear that she will not allow him to use my girls as pawns to get at me as she was a single parent and has been in similar shoes to mine. As much as the break up hurts, it's this issue with my girls that is eating at me most. This is why you don't introduce children into your relationship until you know it is serious. It was serious for us ( or so i thought) and it still blew up in my face.
((BNB)) I'm sorry you're going through all of this. I hear you about the kids. I wish there was some magical way to make it all better, but I lack that ability.
Yes, X lives in the house. I have a feeling he won't stick around once he leaves or we leave. His parents have made it very clear that they want to play an active role in the girls' lives regardless of X's and I's relationship status and I sincerely believe them. His mother has made it clear that she will not allow him to use my girls as pawns to get at me as she was a single parent and has been in similar shoes to mine. As much as the break up hurts, it's this issue with my girls that is eating at me most. This is why you don't introduce children into your relationship until you know it is serious. It was serious for us ( or so i thought) and it still blew up in my face.
The entire situation just makes me sick for you. You've been through so much, you did not deserve this. I'm so sorry E.
Yes, X lives in the house. I have a feeling he won't stick around once he leaves or we leave. His parents have made it very clear that they want to play an active role in the girls' lives regardless of X's and I's relationship status and I sincerely believe them. His mother has made it clear that she will not allow him to use my girls as pawns to get at me as she was a single parent and has been in similar shoes to mine. As much as the break up hurts, it's this issue with my girls that is eating at me most. This is why you don't introduce children into your relationship until you know it is serious. It was serious for us ( or so i thought) and it still blew up in my face.
The entire situation just makes me sick for you. You've been through so much, you did not deserve this. I'm so sorry E.
All of what A said You're the last person to deserve to have to go through all the shit that's been in your cards lately.
I don't have any advice re: the girls, but I think getting them in counseling will help. Do you have your own counselor? Maybe reach out to one to see how you should handle the girls in the mean time?
Post by blondnearby on Sept 4, 2012 15:48:13 GMT -5
I start counseling on the 19th. The girls will be going to the same place for counseling. As far as when, the receptionist said that a clinician would contact me to set up appointments for them. I guess they have a clinician call and talk to the parent about their concerns. My only goal in life is to raise my girls to the best of my ability. I may have not been given all of the tools growing up but I will try my hardest to make sure they do. All of my struggles will be worth it if I can guarantee my girls will be emotionally and physically healthy and content with the decisions they make as they become adults.