Where do you go to meet guys???

[emma245]

Im am still totally newly single and not wanting to get in a relationship soon but Ive been out to the bars the last two weekends and it is seriously depressing as hell. I felt old and didnt get hit on by one guy. I feel like Ive lost my talent.

All of my friends got hit on but me. I know I sound like a whiney brat but it SCARES me. I feel like Im super approachable but maybe Im not.....

[Deleted]

I think your logic is at fault here. I don't think you should ever go anywhere or do anything (except online dating obvi) with the intent to "meet guys." You need to live your life, pursue your interests, whether that's joining a meet-up group, volunteering, etc., and be a social person. And really bars are not an ideal place to meet someone. Sure it can happen, but I'd look into more meaningful pursuits.

[jade28]

Sept 4, 2012 12:13:05 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

I think your logic is at fault here. I don't think you should ever go anywhere or do anything (except online dating obvi) with the intent to "meet guys." You need to live your life, pursue your interests, whether that's joining a meet-up group, volunteering, etc., and be a social person. And really bars are not an ideal place to meet someone. Sure it can happen, but I'd look into more meaningful pursuits.

I agree with this. Once I stopped looking for guys and just joined activities that I was interested in...I met tons of guys! Haha. I joined social groups and hiking clubs. I started running and going to the dog park. I just did what made me happy and healthy and lo and behold, I seemed to attract happy and healthy guys. I wouldn't even be trying to find a guy and get asked out. It was so much better that way.

[emma245]

No I definitely dont go to bars to be hit on and I was just having a good time with my friends, dancing and drinking. I wasnt even on the look out or anything. The problem is I swear I have looked into the Meetups here and nothing interests me, I signed up to do volunteer work but then my work situation went down so I wasnt able to attend or commit for a full year.

I guess its more of an issue of getting out of my rut of work, gym, and bars on the weekends.

[jade28]

PS I know what it is like to not get hit on when everyone else is. It sucks and can make you feel lousy. But really, it is not a reflection of you. I never get hit on at bars because I am not a very good flirt and eye contact kind of girl. I'm sure I send out vibes that I am uncomfortable because usually in a bar scene I am. Maybe you just need to find places that really bring out you and make you feel awesome.

[gozf]

Sept 4, 2012 12:23:15 GMT -5 emma245 said:

No I definitely dont go to bars to be hit on and I was just having a good time with my friends, dancing and drinking. I wasnt even on the look out or anything. The problem is I swear I have looked into the Meetups here and nothing interests me, I signed up to do volunteer work but then my work situation went down so I wasnt able to attend or commit for a full year.

I guess its more of an issue of getting out of my rut of work, gym, and bars on the weekends.

Weren't you pissed last weekend b/c of the same thing? Time to try something else. There are really NO meetups of interest to you? Have you pursued other volunteering opportunities? What are your hobbies? Can you cultivate those? Go to a coffee shop with a friend or a good book and just hang out. There are a million ways to meet people! Have fun! Quit feeling sorry for yourself!

[blackkitty]

Sept 4, 2012 12:13:05 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

I think your logic is at fault here. I don't think you should ever go anywhere or do anything (except online dating obvi) with the intent to "meet guys." You need to live your life, pursue your interests, whether that's joining a meet-up group, volunteering, etc., and be a social person. And really bars are not an ideal place to meet someone. Sure it can happen, but I'd look into more meaningful pursuits.

I agree with this too...
But for me personally the places I have met men in the last 6 months or so were at my sister's house (I've dated 2 of her husband's friends that I met there), online or in bars.
The new church I go to is huge and a lot of young people too and a lot of cute guys! Plus you can multi task, save your soul while meeting a hottie. (and mine has good coffee too! bonus!)

[stephbfan]

I don't take getting hit on bars as a sign of my attractiveness. I'm not really the type of girls who really stands out in a bar and gets hit on. Why? I have no idea but that is just the way it is. It has always been like that and I remember getting all depressed about that during my college years lol.

I'm more of a one on one type of girl and if we meet in a different setting, you will be able to see how awesome I am. So try something different, I think the meet up idea is great. You could always do something you might want to try vs something you already love. You might end up getting new friends and a new hobby.

[doriswe]

I'm all sorts of confused....you say you have no interest in a relationship right now but then you get all butt hurt because you can't get a man in a bar. Which is it?? If you just want to get hit on to feel better about yourself, go to POF and you'll have a million pervs at your finger tips.

If you geniunely want to do things for yourself, there are plenty of things you can do in your community....but again, I wouldn't go into it with the soul purpose of meeting a man.

There are much cooler things in life than having a man around....just sayin'

[achase123]

I don't know that I've been hit on in bars that much. I've met guys at bars but I've usually been the one who took the initiative to strike up a conversation.

If going to the bars puts you in a funk afterwards, I'd definitely avoid that scene. I know I can get downright depressed after a night out like that. It's discouraging to feel like that's what the single life is like. When in reality there's probably people you have more in common with in other places.

[emma245]

Sept 4, 2012 12:51:44 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I don't know that I've been hit on in bars that much. I've met guys at bars but I've usually been the one who took the initiative to strike up a conversation.

If going to the bars puts you in a funk afterwards, I'd definitely avoid that scene. I know I can get downright depressed after a night out like that. It's discouraging to feel like that's what the single life is like. When in reality there's probably people you have more in common with in other places.

Exactly my therapists suggested art galleries and wine tastings but um those dont really exist that much. All my friends are married or single (and get lots of attention) so I feel like I dont really know a whole lot of people. My main hobby is working out doing pilates which doesnt have a lot of guys but maybe Ill switch to a regular gym too to meet people (not necessarily guys!)

[bullygirl979]

pdx, GOZF and Doris are spot on. Just sayin'

[gozf]

Dude. I live in PA, an hour west of Philly, and I have art galleries and wine tastings and all manner of awesome things to do. Just because they aren't right in front of your nose doesn't mean they aren't there.

[hobs209]

I'm also going to suggest finding new activities and interests. Getting hit on in bars isn't the best thing in the world. Also, I wonder if you're putting off this kind of attitude when you're out. If so, guys pick up on that. People are more attractive when they're happy and confident with themselves.

[udscoobychick]

You've received a lot of great advice from PP. The last two guys that I dated (so, post-XFI, post-college), one was a friend of my friend's husband (a big group went out for dinner/drinks together), and I met BF at my dance studio. So, ditto the hobbies. Also, try to expand your circle of friends--if someone who is more of an aquaintance asks you to hang out or do something, say yes! Friends of friends are a great way to expand your social circle. When XFI and I broke up, I had a policy of never saying no to any opportunity to try something new or meet new friends. I ended up going tubing with some new people, joining a kickball team with them, meeting more friends of friends, etc. It was so much fun!