Really sticky situation...**UPDATE**

[liubotflittyfud]

There's this 40yo dude I work with. He's cool. He's my friend, and we've been friends for some time. Hanging out, going to movies, very platonic. I enjoy him as my friend very much.

Well recently in the past few weeks it's becoming more apparent that he digs me in more than a friend circumstances. I was polite and I let him know that I'm flattered but I don't want that. I would like our relationship to stay where it is. He gets it for like a day or two and then goes back to trying.

Here's where it gets really really sticky. I like him as a person, very much. I'm not physically attracted to him but his personality is great. I could see myself getting closer to him, but I don't want to ruin what I have with J. We just reached 6 months, I'm gaga over him and we have a good relationship. I don't want to ruin it.

Is it possible to remain friends? Or should I just cut this off completely? I think I know the answer but I just want to get your opinion on it...

***UPDATE***
He was messaging me through our office instant messenger and I just spilled it. I said I really think we should tone this down to be work friends only. I told him that I love my boyfriend and I made a decision. That he's a great guy, a lot of fun, but for me it's not the right time. He got pissy and cocky and kept saying "Fine. That's fine." No offense but dude you're 40 and you can't take a let down like a mature adult? Forget it. It's over and done and I did the right thing.

[gozf]

MCC's right.

[liubotflittyfud]

Sept 4, 2012 12:25:19 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

There are lots of people you will meet in life who you will like as a person. If you're serious about J and know that this man wants more, I would extricate him from your life except for work communications. Chances are your life will not be lessened without him in it. There are plenty of people out there who can be your friend without making things awkward for you or your relationship with J.

Thanks MCC. I know this is the answer. I feel really bad because I feel like I'm hurting him. I don't want anything to mess up my relationship with J and 40yo is starting to make my head spin with some comments that I'm not okay with. I guess I will talk to him after work and set things straight, which I have been trying to do nicely for a few weeks now...ick.

[wingingitinmotown]

Ditto PPs, speaking from experience with a man who was part of a group that I was part of.

[starburst604]

I think that anyone who actively pursues someone they know is in a relationship is actually kind of a scumbag.

[dakotadangerdog]

Sept 4, 2012 12:31:30 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Sept 4, 2012 12:29:54 GMT -5 @liubotflittyfud said:

Thanks MCC. I know this is the answer. I feel really bad because I feel like I'm hurting him. I don't want anything to mess up my relationship with J and 40yo is starting to make my head spin with some comments that I'm not okay with. I guess I will talk to him after work and set things straight, which I have been trying to do nicely for a few weeks now...ick.

Don't feel bad. You made your intentions clear and he keeps stepping over boundaries that you've set. Don't let someone make you feel bad for having limits and a comfort level. He's in the wrong, not you. If he can't respect you and your wishes, he's not a very good friend.

bitch you so smart.

I agree with everything MCC says in this thread.

[liubotflittyfud]

Sept 4, 2012 12:33:24 GMT -5 dakotadangerdog said:

Sept 4, 2012 12:31:30 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Don't feel bad. You made your intentions clear and he keeps stepping over boundaries that you've set. Don't let someone make you feel bad for having limits and a comfort level. He's in the wrong, not you. If he can't respect you and your wishes, he's not a very good friend.

bitch you so smart.

I agree with everything MCC says in this thread.

:Y: :Y: :Y:

[blackkitty]

I agree with MCC
I had a friend that wanted more and I did not. I told him that. Repeatedly. And he kept trying. It got to the point where I didn't want to hang out with him any more. And now I don't. And I didn't have a boyfriend at the time. He was really fun and cool but he was constantly trying to get in my pants

[wingingitinmotown]

Sept 4, 2012 12:22:42 GMT -5 @liubotflittyfud said:

***UPDATE***
He was messaging me through our office instant messenger and I just spilled it. I said I really think we should tone this down to be work friends only. I told him that I love my boyfriend and I made a decision. That he's a great guy, a lot of fun, but for me it's not the right time. He got pissy and cocky and kept saying "Fine. That's fine." No offense but dude you're 40 and you can't take a let down like a mature adult? Forget it. It's over and done and I did the right thing.

:Y: :Y:

[stephbfan]

I just don't see the connection between the guy hitting on you and ruining what you have with J, unless you actually wanted something with the guy.

Since he is from work, I would just keep things professional. Its better to keep things separate.

[liubotflittyfud]

Sept 4, 2012 12:58:28 GMT -5 stephbfan said:

I just don't see the connection between the guy hitting on you and ruining what you have with J, unless you actually wanted something with the guy.

Since he is from work, I would just keep things professional. Its better to keep things separate.

It's not that I wanted something with the dude, but it was starting to spill into my personal life. He would text me a bunch of times on the weekends when I'm with J and say some things about how he just wants to be with me. It was annoying and stressful. I felt guilty hiding it from J but I wasn't doing anything wrong. It's totally over now.

[doriswe]

I'm glad you did the right thing.....I think you were skating on thin ice (didn't you post in FFFC about sort of liking the attention?).

[liubotflittyfud]

Sept 4, 2012 13:19:28 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I'm glad you did the right thing.....I think you were skating on thin ice (didn't you post in FFFC about sort of liking the attention?).

Yes!

[doriswe]

Sept 4, 2012 13:20:12 GMT -5 @liubotflittyfud said:

Sept 4, 2012 13:19:28 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I'm glad you did the right thing.....I think you were skating on thin ice (didn't you post in FFFC about sort of liking the attention?).

Yes!

Then I give you a serious pat on the head for doing the right thing and ending it before you found yourself in a very sticky situation!!

[liubotflittyfud]

Sept 4, 2012 13:24:57 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Sept 4, 2012 13:20:12 GMT -5 @liubotflittyfud said:

Yes!

Then I give you a serious pat on the head for doing the right thing and ending it before you found yourself in a very sticky situation!!

Thank you doris!

[gozf]

Good job, L. I'm glad you were able to diffuse the situation before it got out of control.