Writing people off too quickly

[achase123]

I think I tend to do the same thing, it's definitely a defense mechanism. Plus I have a tendency to want to be the complete opposite of needy, which makes me come across as hard sometimes.

I think that you just have to listen to your gut. There's no harm in going out with him again, and seeing if anything else gives you pause. I think pushing him away for those minor things after one date would be premature. If you enjoyed his company otherwise there's no harm in seeing what happens.

[doriswe]

I'm confused by the necklace....what's the dealbreaker there?
And as for the sister, how does that affect you directly?

You're being silly! I think you need to start looking for more positives about the dudes you date vs. always looking for the one negative thing so you can say "oh, red flag you're out" and protect your heart, kwim?

[blackkitty]

I do this a lot! I was going to write off new dude b/c he talked so much on our first date, but I listened to the advise of 4 people (including YOU!) that said to give him a chance and he's not like that any more. He was just really nervous I guess. I also wanted to write him off b/c he used the wrong word in a conversation and even though I corrected him (b/c I am an asshole), he kept using the wrong word.
Can you imagine not going out with someone again b/c of one word that they used.

Just stop doing it! Give people a chance, you might be surprised!!

[blackkitty]

Sept 4, 2012 13:05:30 GMT -5 @redvelvet29 said:

I try to remember that I am not perfect either so I can't expect it from someone else.

I love this!! I think this too, serously no one is perfect, but it's easy to forget that sometimes.

[doriswe]

I'll also throw in, I think it's hard to really judge based on a first date because we're all so damn nervous and inevitably say something stupid or overshare or something!

[roselis]

I tend to do this with friends, but for the same reason. They do something that hurts me and I want to write them off because I am so scared of being hurt again. Good luck with it.

[explorer2001]

Here's my thing. If its a deal breaker (you're an atheist and he's pushing religion on you) or you really have no interest in spending time with the guy (guy I went on one date with who couldn't say anything positive about anything, had to complain about the lack of good coffee in Cambodia when he was on vacation), then be done.

If its random, like a sucky sibling, give it a chance. My brother is a dbag. I know this. It is not a reflection on me. If he were a dbag and I insisted he was awesome, then it would be a reflection on me. KWIM?

[doriswe]

Sept 4, 2012 13:33:47 GMT -5 mintchocochip said:

Sept 4, 2012 13:17:00 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I'll also throw in, I think it's hard to really judge based on a first date because we're all so damn nervous and inevitably say something stupid or overshare or something!

Good point. I definitely reflected on some of the things I said last night and could have taken it down a notch. You're a wise woman, Doris!

lol...I'm something alright

[Deleted]

I'm am atheist and I own a rosary I bought at the vatican. Just putting that our there. I agree with the others that it's a defense mechanism. I do and have done the same thing you're doing.

[jade28]

I used to be this way. When I would try and write someone off my friends would ask me how I would feel if someone judged me based on that or they would even call out stuff I do or say that could come across badly. I one time tried to write a guy off b/c he was over eager until my friends all blasted me saying I am the most eager/excitable person so how could I do that. And it's true...no one is perfect. We all have stupid issues and say and do stupid things.

I find the stupid things only become a problem if you are not that into a guy so then you focus on those things as a reason. It's good to not write someone off but also if something small really bothers you it may just be a sign you are not that into him. Like there just isn't a connection or click that would normally make those things hardly noticeable.

[explorer2001]

Sorry maybe it was a bad example. I was raised catholic but don't believe, so its a personal connotation. I don't mind if its benign. I mind when there's an agenda.