Monday confessions/judgments

[Deleted]

Anyone have anything to confess or judge today?

I have a story that is so crazy that even though I know it to be true, I almost can't believe this is happening. I just have to share this, but please don't judge me for having a crazy family since I have nothing but scorn for these people.

I have never had contact with my grandfather's side of the family, since he and my grandma divorced before I was born. My grandma only talks to one person in that side of the family, and she told me a whopper of a story yesterday. Decades ago, my great-grandfather bought two cemetery plots. He buried his wife in one, and then he buried his second wife in the other. When he died, the family had no money to buy another plot, so they cremated him, and snuck into the cemetery at night and buried his urn in the dirt between his two wives.

Within the past month, one of his daughters (my great aunt) died. The family still has no money, so they snuck into the cemetery AGAIN and did the same thing. My grandma asked the family what they are planning to do when this woman's husband dies (he's in his 90s) and they said they're planning on doing the same thing for a third time.

WTF??!! I am ashamed to say that I have actual blood relatives who are sneaking into cemeteries and regularly "burying" urns in their own wacko, illegal little ceremonies. How have they never been caught in the act, or caught after the fact? Do the groundskeepers not notice the upturned earth?? I am tempted to call the cemetery or the police or someone and report this, but I don't even know these people. I don't even know their names, other than the general family last name.

To make it MM...take this as a cautionary tale as to why planning for your own funeral services can be a very wise thing to do.

[mbcdefg]

I made a dumb, lazy, pricey mistake this morning. 

I mentioned in a randoms thread recently that the city is tearing up my block to re-do the sidewalks. I can't access my driveway/garage because there's a pit in front of it now. The city put up No Parking signs on my block, which starts at 7 a.m. on weekdays. I usually leave for work at 8 a.m.

I live on a short, dead-end street near a business district ... the nearest residential street is a quarter-mile away, so that's the closest alternative place to park if I don't want to move the car early. I had planned to move my car by 7 this morning but I overslept, and found myself rushing out the door at 7:07 with no makeup on and unbrushed hair so I didn't get a ticket or towed. 

I drove down the block and a large truck was headed toward me, so I was trying to get out of the way. There's a little strip mall with a parking lot on my corner, so I figured I'd just cut through there to get around the truck rather than wait for him to move out of the way. I misjudged the entryway to the parking lot and went up over the curb, and heard a loud POP ... blew a tire. Crap.

I don't know how to change a tire, even though MH showed me once. And I let my AAA membership expire. There's a gas station on the corner with a mechanic so I pulled in there but the gas attendant said they wouldn't open until 8:30. So I sat there Googling to see if I could call someone to help, when the kind attendant said he'd just put on the donut for me. I gave him $30 for his trouble and then drove up the road to another gas station with a mechanic, and an hour and $180 later I was on my way to work. 

Ugh. I'm so mad at myself. 

[sunnysally]

I'm judging a coworker who said, "I have went there irregardless..."

[yentl]

Confession: I spent $5 on a draft latte today. I'm not supposed to have caffeine but I had to try this. It's weird but good.

Judgement: Hardcore judging the real estate agent who has given me 2 different rent amounts for this office unit and then also mentioned "the numbers aren't firm, I need to run them past the property manager". I can't tell if he's trying to get more money out of me or he is unorganized as shit but I don't like it either way.

[Pom]

I don't think I will crack open any judgement today. I don't need any more bad karma.

Oh wait...

Other than all the morons still defending gun rights and more specifically automatic weapons. STFU.

PS @bellakitty. I found out when we were planning FIL's funeral, he and the owner of the funeral home buried MIL's urn when she passed. Less of a money issue, more of a "no one is going to tell me what to do" kind of person. We had his ashes buried in accordance with state regulations. He would have hated that, LOL.

[just]

Confession: I'm half-assing my annual self-evaluation. Some of my staff handed in a 4 page narrative around the questions. I'll be lucky to reach 2 pages with bullet points.

The range for salary increases is from 1% to 1.6% so it's not worth it to spend a full day working on a form in the hopes that it will change the decision I know they've already made for the sake of a couple hundred $.

[followyourarrow]

A coworker invited me to her make-up MLM party. She doesn't even wear make-up! Ever!

[steph96]

I'm pretty sure that this is flameful, but I hate cremation. H's side of the family only does cremation because they generally can't afford a ground burial. They also seem to be against scattering the ashes. I'm really weirded out by the whole cremation process and the fact that we're expected to have human remains stored on our mantle for the rest of our lives and then I guess we're supposed to pass them down. I'm really overwhelmed by the thought that at some point, we're probably going to be expected to have at least 3 urns at our home. Nope. No thank you. I wish they would find a place to scatter the ashes or at least bury them.

[Deleted]

I am judging myself. I'm about to have at least 50% of my take home pay go towards housing (HCOL but zero debt).

I am also judging properties that only allow one pet. Dogs are actually less destructive in packs. I have lived with my dogs in rentals for the last 6 years (minus 2 yrs with my mom) and they have yet to destroy anything but dog beds and chew toys (all squeakers must diiiie).

[Susie]

wow, that is crazy.

Jun 13, 2016 9:11:47 GMT -5 @bellakitty said:

To make it MM...take this as a cautionary tale as to why planning for your own funeral services can be a very wise thing to do.

As for this... yes.  Even in the absence of crazy it's a good idea!

When my mom died in April, she'd had cancer that she knew would become terminal for nearly 6 years. She redid her will in 9/2014, and prepared an envelope for me with photos of her sentimental jewelry pieces and a few other items with post-it notes on the back of each describing whatever story went with them. Inexplicably, she never said or wrote down what she wanted for funeral arrangements. She told my dad he would find instructions in a particular desk drawer when the time came, so he never asked for more than that. After she died, we went to that drawer, and... nothing. It was a notebook with random musings, a bucket list... but no funeral instructions. It was so, so difficult. We spent the entire week making arrangements using our best understanding of what she wanted, but we were in constant tension between my dad being paralyzed for fear of doing the wrong thing and not being able to take it back, and me saying guys I know this is hard but we have to make a decision. We've already torn the entire house apart.

I'm sure it's also hard when there's NOTHING, but thinking there is something and then not being able to find it is a special kind of hell to put your people through.

[mbcdefg]

Susie, I'm so sorry - both for your loss and for the frustration that followed.

[Pom]

Susie, I am so sorry.

[genet313]

Susie, I'm so sorry, that must have been so difficult.

Confession:  I sat next to a man on the train recently who smelled so, so good.  It's prob my pregnancy hormones, but I spent the entire ride debating whether it was appropriate for me to ask him what cologne he wore to maybe say "oh, I'd like to buy for DH, I'm not a total creeper I swear!"  But I decided against it b/c I'm not sure if it was actually cologne or just man smell.   So yeah, OK, I made the right call, I avoided complete social inappropriateness .  The confession part is that I'm still thinking about it and sorry I didn't ask him.   

[Deleted]

Pom, I don't judge not having money for a burial, or even burying an urn, but I do judge illegal urn burials in legitimate cemeteries!

steph96, that reminds me of another one. When DH's grandma passed, she was cremated. They had small amounts of her ashes put into jewelry. DH's grandpa gave us a necklace with her ashes in it, and honestly we are both completely grossed out by it. It's been in the closet in our guest room since we got it because we have no idea what else to do with it.

Susie, I am so sorry for your loss and for the difficult times after it.

[Deleted]

Jun 13, 2016 11:05:30 GMT -5 Susie said:

wow, that is crazy.

Jun 13, 2016 9:11:47 GMT -5 @bellakitty said:

To make it MM...take this as a cautionary tale as to why planning for your own funeral services can be a very wise thing to do.

As for this... yes.  Even in the absence of crazy it's a good idea!


I'm sure it's also hard when there's NOTHING, but thinking there is something and then not being able to find it is a special kind of hell to put your people through.

My two siblings and I tried to convince my crazy sister that we had to cremate my dad as none of us has 10K laying around for a funeral. We wasted a good hour after my dad had been removed from life support trying to convince my sister it was the only way because none of us wanted to go into debt burying dad when it would be 250 bucks each to cremate. If we had lots of money, we'd do what dad wanted but we don't so he's going to have to settle being cremated. My dad had mentioned nothing really except wanting to be buried because God burned/smite? people who were bad. yah... that... My mom (his ex wife) had life insurance on him since they owned a house together. So she graciously paid for the funeral. She wanted to get back together with my dad. She says she feels like a widow more than just a divorcee except they were separated for YEARS before he died. And she has a boyfriend. She has issues.
My sister is my executrix and she knows I want to be cremated. No service. And possibly be turned into a diamond. 

[protozoa]

FIL's urn is sitting on a desk in our dining room, wearing his hat. I don't mind having him there, but will be glad when he goes back to live with MIL, who is in between residences right now. Also glad after reading this thread that we have specific instructions on what to do with both MIL and FIL's ashes when the time comes.

Confession; I am somewhat bitter that DH put my cat's ashes since he found it creepy in a drawer but we can display his dad.

[Pom]

protozoa, "Confession; I am somewhat bitter that DH put my cat's ashes since he found it creepy in a drawer but we can display his dad."

This made me Legit LOL. You and I are on the same page. I was lucky there was a plot for FIL Pom.

[steph96]

@bellakitty 's jewelry story reminded me... My husband's grandfather passed away about a year ago. My h's aunt bought a necklace to store some of the ashes in. She posted a pic to FB of the necklace and all the caption said was "my dad". All of us were just like but anyways, she still wears that giant necklace every single day.

And @lemonlover 's diamond comment reminded me that my MIL thinks that us kids should pay to have her 1st husband's ashes made into diamonds for her to wear. And she expects them to be big diamonds. I just am so baffled by her sense of entitlement to our money.

In case y'all haven't noticed, cremation brings out a lot of weirdness in H's family. Who am I kidding. They are just flat out weird.

Susie I'm sorry that was such a stressful time for you. I do think it was cool for your mom to take the time to tell you the history on some of her jewelry. It's nice having that written history that you can pass down to the next generations.

[steph96]

Jun 13, 2016 11:23:59 GMT -5 genet313 said:

Susie, I'm so sorry, that must have been so difficult.

Confession:  I sat next to a man on the train recently who smelled so, so good.  It's prob my pregnancy hormones, but I spent the entire ride debating whether it was appropriate for me to ask him what cologne he wore to maybe say "oh, I'd like to buy for DH, I'm not a total creeper I swear!"  But I decided against it b/c I'm not sure if it was actually cologne or just man smell.   So yeah, OK, I made the right call, I avoided complete social inappropriateness .  The confession part is that I'm still thinking about it and sorry I didn't ask him.   

I don't think it's creepy to ask.

[Deleted]

steph96, I'm leaving my sister about 300K so it's the least she can do. Plus she has to...wear me on first dates so if it is going horribly, she can stroke her diamond and ask her date if he'd like to "meet" her sister.
Also my sister keeps her first born's ashes in her 13 yr old's closet because she doesn't want them in her closet because it's "creepy" (her word).
My mom was my executrix until she said she wouldn't cremate me. You're fired. To inherit things you must agree to my terms and conditions.

[steph96]

I can't believe I forgot to share my judgement! My brother and his wife moved into a very nice house a few months ago (it costs 2x what our house costs and we make $50k more than him and don't have daycare or massive student loans. I have no clue how they can afford it all). Soon after that, his wife started having an affair and my brother found out. He kicked her out. He was panicking because he couldn't afford all of the bills on his own. My mom ended up giving him money. He ended up taking his wife back about 2 months ago. They are living together, but they are still having issues. Well this weekend he decided to go out and buy a $50k vehicle. Why the fuck would you go out and get yourself into even more debt when your marriage is on the rocks and you couldn't afford your bills on your own? He's screwed. There's absolutely no way that he can afford it all.

I'm really upset about this whole situation. I used to look up to my brother and I also admired his financial smarts but ever since he married his wife, he just keeps making bad choices. I just want to shake him.

[Marmee]

I am starting to not like my neighbor so much anymore. She's so concerned with how she's being wronged by everyone around her...meanwhile she fails to see how she's subjected all her neighbors to non-stop construction noise for 3 summers in a row & how her boys kicking soccer balls has caused damage to our fence (she is making a HUGE issue out of the fence on the other side that is damaged by the other neighbors trees). I really need A/C because I need to shut my windows but can't because we'd die of heat. It's not just her though, it's many of my neighbors who remodel, sell, then new owners remodel again/more or house flippers--the constant construction noise all summer long is driving me insane.

[liveintheville]

We are in a conundrum about what to do with FIL ashes. Each of his children are supposed to be get 1/3 of the ashes. And none of can really see a way of doing this. It's just so complicated and weird.

[irene adler]

Susie, I am so sorry.

[mrsfarmer]

DH has been at his job almost 30 years and they are not treating him well. He took the postal exam Friday and scored a very high score. In order to get in full time, he needs to take a part time non benefit eligible position for awhile; it'll be a stretch, but the full time position would make it worth it.

Judgement: My whole flipping family. But, you know, none of it's their fault.

[grover]

H is going to take a paycut, for a job that will increase his hours and commute costs (he'll have to pay for train and parking). Instead of dropping our small amount of eating out, we plan on decreasing student loan payments. We just started really ramping up our extra payments too. However, the new job will be better for his mental health, but going out to eat is better for my mental health, especially over the summer.

[explorer2001]

The medical profession sucks right now. I need a solution some where between we can fit you in Friday for discussion appointment with no tests or treatment until later and maybe you should go to the ER. However if you go to the ER they will pump you full of drugs so you won't be in pain but those drugs will make it impossible to test your condition accurately. Good luck

[dr.girlfriend]

Jun 13, 2016 9:41:19 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

I drove down the block and a large truck was headed toward me, so I was trying to get out of the way. There's a little strip mall with a parking lot on my corner, so I figured I'd just cut through there to get around the truck rather than wait for him to move out of the way. I misjudged the entryway to the parking lot and went up over th
Ugh. I'm so mad at myself. 

If it helps, I did this a few weekends ago...missed my left turn into one parking lot, so I turned into the next.  Turned around, tried to make a right turn out of one lot and into the other but the curb wasn't where I expected it to be.  I busted a tire *and* had to get a new wheel and hubcap, so it was almost $600.

As for confessions about ashes...a few years ago my dog I'd had for 16 years passed away.  I paid an extra $200 to have her cremated, thinking she'd come in like a coffee can or something and I would sprinkle or bury her ashes in the backyard.  Instead, the ashes came in a beautiful, intricately carved box.  I feel really bad burying it, but I can't see emptying the ashes out and ever re-using it either.  I was so indecisive about it I just kept it on my bookshelf.  Then, when my second dog died I felt they had to be together, so now five years later I have these two carved wooden boxes full of dead dog ashes on my shelf. 

[LoveTrains]

That's weird that they are doing illegal burials. Many times you can put two coffins in one plot now a days or a coffin plus an urn. Just have to pay the gravediggers.

I wouldn't mind being cremated but I would want my ashes buried in a cemetery.

Re- the ash necklaces, I considered one after my pug passed this year. I still consider it less freaky than Victorian hair brooches ( made with human hair) or death photos.

[Deleted]

Jun 13, 2016 20:53:29 GMT -5 dr.girlfriend said:

Jun 13, 2016 9:41:19 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

  Then, when my second dog died I felt they had to be together, so now five years later I have these two carved wooden boxes full of dead dog ashes on my shelf. 

This will likely be me in like 5-7 years.... I am too freaking attached emotionally to my dogs. 
I was at the dog park and I really think I walked in on the tail end of them sprinkling their dog there. My dog rolled around in their dog.