Also, OP, you have to be careful that you're not just substituting one hurt for another as a way to avoid dealing with the pain of your divorce.
It's much easier to go out with a guy, develop feelings then (predictably) things don't work out which takes the focus off your divorce and puts the focus on a much easier "break up" to manage.
I only suggest that because I found myself wanting to jump into other relationships that I knew had no hope of working out because it was easier to focus on them rather then working thru the difficult feelings. Thankfully I recognized this and worked hard to not fall into that trap.
Very good advice, thank you. I recognize that I'm definitely doing this, I kind of feel like nothign will ever come close to the cluster fvck that is my divorce and I welcome any distractions. I feel like it's impossible for me to get hurt at this point, but obviously that isn't true. I have talked a lot about this in counseling after hooking up with an ex bf earlier this summer. I'm really trying to be self aware but I'm bound to fvck up here and there and make mistakes. Which, if I do meet up with the dude on Friday and it ends up being a mistake, I'm confident I'll survive it and be able to move on. "NEXT"
But you also need to make sure that you aren't using these dudes as a distraction so you don't have to deal with the feelings from your divorce. If you bury your feelings and don't deal with them, then you are bound to make the same mistakes over and over.
Being a whore to have fun is one thing, but using as a reason to not deal with your shit is another.
Very good advice, thank you. I recognize that I'm definitely doing this, I kind of feel like nothign will ever come close to the cluster fvck that is my divorce and I welcome any distractions. I feel like it's impossible for me to get hurt at this point, but obviously that isn't true. I have talked a lot about this in counseling after hooking up with an ex bf earlier this summer. I'm really trying to be self aware but I'm bound to fvck up here and there and make mistakes. Which, if I do meet up with the dude on Friday and it ends up being a mistake, I'm confident I'll survive it and be able to move on. "NEXT"
But you also need to make sure that you aren't using these dudes as a distraction so you don't have to deal with the feelings from your divorce. If you bury your feelings and don't deal with them, then you are bound to make the same mistakes over and over.
Being a whore to have fun is one thing, but using as a reason to not deal with your shit is another.
I totally did this, although I didn't realize it. I got involved with some guy WAY too soon after my separation and it felt great to have sex and a connection with someone again. It was suppose to be super casual. Then it wasn't. And my world literally collapsed and it was the worst thing ever.
That break up hit me harder than my divorce, because I never properly dealt with the divorce so it was like double impact. It took me months to get over, which is total overkill for the short time we were together. I NEVER expected I'd react that way.
But you also need to make sure that you aren't using these dudes as a distraction so you don't have to deal with the feelings from your divorce. If you bury your feelings and don't deal with them, then you are bound to make the same mistakes over and over.
Being a whore to have fun is one thing, but using as a reason to not deal with your shit is another.
I totally did this, although I didn't realize it. I got involved with some guy WAY too soon after my separation and it felt great to have sex and a connection with someone again. It was suppose to be super casual. Then it wasn't. And my world literally collapsed and it was the worst thing ever.
That break up hit me harder than my divorce, because I never properly dealt with the divorce so it was like double impact. It took me months to get over, which is total overkill for the short time we were together. I NEVER expected I'd react that way.
What else can I do to properly deal with my divorce? I worry about this and I'm not sure what else I can be doing to avoid sweeping stuff under the rug. I guess TIME is probably the only answer? I go to weekly counseling and have been since April, I write in my journal, read all the self help books, hang out with friends and family, yoga, hiking, home improvements. My friends actually say they haven't seen me this happy in 10 years so I think I must be doing somethign right. I do admit that I have welcomed any distractions from males since separating from stbx and that is unhealthy at this point.
But you also need to make sure that you aren't using these dudes as a distraction so you don't have to deal with the feelings from your divorce. If you bury your feelings and don't deal with them, then you are bound to make the same mistakes over and over.
Being a whore to have fun is one thing, but using as a reason to not deal with your shit is another.
I totally did this, although I didn't realize it. I got involved with some guy WAY too soon after my separation and it felt great to have sex and a connection with someone again. It was suppose to be super casual. Then it wasn't. And my world literally collapsed and it was the worst thing ever.
That break up hit me harder than my divorce, because I never properly dealt with the divorce so it was like double impact. It took me months to get over, which is total overkill for the short time we were together. I NEVER expected I'd react that way.
I was in a similar situation too after I left my exh.... do what you have to do, but realize you're probably going to get hurt based on all of your responses.
I totally did this, although I didn't realize it. I got involved with some guy WAY too soon after my separation and it felt great to have sex and a connection with someone again. It was suppose to be super casual. Then it wasn't. And my world literally collapsed and it was the worst thing ever.
That break up hit me harder than my divorce, because I never properly dealt with the divorce so it was like double impact. It took me months to get over, which is total overkill for the short time we were together. I NEVER expected I'd react that way.
What else can I do to properly deal with my divorce? I worry about this and I'm not sure what else I can be doing to avoid sweeping stuff under the rug. I guess TIME is probably the only answer? I go to weekly counseling and have been since April, I write in my journal, read all the self help books, hang out with friends and family, yoga, hiking, home improvements. My friends actually say they haven't seen me this happy in 10 years so I think I must be doing somethign right. I do admit that I have welcomed any distractions from males since separating from stbx and that is unhealthy at this point.
So stop feeding into it. It sounds like you are doing everything else right. But if you feel like you NEED that male attention, then you are still working on your other stuff. Feel fabulous on your own, not because some dude is chatting you up.