Update in OP Pet Advice: End of life care :(

[cats]

We fear our lab is nearing the end of his life and we are torn on the next steps.

Drakey is 14.5 years old and has been going downhill for the last year or so, but has taken a turn this week. He's struggled to even make it up the four steps of our deck because his back legs give out. As for eating, tonight he wouldn't even eat a hot dog.

He doesn't seem to be in pain, but is very lethargic. His breathing is rattled.

DH would prefer for him to pass naturally, but isn't against having the vet check him out tomorrow and discuss options.

If you've experienced something similar, how did you know what was right? When do you make the decision to wait or to allow the vet to help?

I am so sad for our pup and for my DH who has had Drake since his college days.

TIA for any advice.

Update:  Drake seems to have an upswing today after this week's lethargy.  DH and I discussed the suggestions on here and he is worried he just isn't seeing how downhill Drake is and that he would be taking him in prematurely.  We discussed quality of life and he agrees that a vet visit in the cards, but will wait until after the holiday weekend.  We both agree that he doesn't seem in pain, but also understand that dogs can hide their internal pain.  

We are so thankful for the good thoughts, anecdotes, and advice for this situation.   

[tiki]

I'm sorry your pup has taken a turn for the worse.

We have a cat who's had some major issues in the last couple of years, and finding a vet who does housecalls gave me some peace of mind. Now if the cat ever starts to be in obvious pain or things go too far, we have a professional who can come to our home and help him pass more peacefully.

[isabel]

This is all so personal, but I would never let my dog pass on his own if I could help it.

You and your H have control over this situation. You can have someone come to your house. Drake can lay down in his favorite spot and be given some medication to calm him and help him relax. He'll be surrounded by his family and feel the love from all of you.

If he's not eating reward foods, can't get up and down stairs, and is having trouble breathing, I really think it may be time. Only you and your H can make that decision though. You have to keep in mind that the anticipation of death is all on us. Our pets aren't scared of that. I don't think it's fair to let them suffer when we can ease that pain.

I hope that's not too harsh. I don't mean for it to be. I am so sorry you are being faced with this decision. Losing a pet is so incredibly hard.

[FastHands]

I'm sorry. For me it is always about quality of life. If my pet can't do what is most valuable to him, and if there is slim/no chance of recovery, then I try not to let my selfish desire to want him around longer weigh more than his happiness/peace.

[mcmel]

Jun 30, 2016 21:23:24 GMT -5 FastHands said:

I'm sorry. For me it is always about quality of life. If my pet can't do what is most valuable to him, and if there is slim/no chance of recovery, then I try not to let my selfish desire to want him around longer weigh more than his happiness/peace.

This. And passing naturally is usually very sad and gruesome. If there was no hope then I would consider making an appointment for the vet to come to your house so that the pup is comfortable. 

I'm sorry

[cats]

Thank you for your replies so far. I think DH sees letting him pass away on his own as more peaceful than the vet's office. I will tell him about the option of having someone come here. We hadn't considered that or even knew it might be an option.

[acr]

We've put down 3 senior dogs in the last 6 mos. One dog was very much like you described - at the point she couldn't "dog" anymore, we made the choice. She could barely stand up on her own, had to be carried outside, and hardly ate. We wanted to do it before she got to the bad days - felt better to do it early than wait until she suffered.

[isabel]

Jun 30, 2016 21:28:26 GMT -5 cats said:

Thank you for your replies so far. I think DH sees letting him pass away on his own as more peaceful than the vet's office. I will tell him about the option of having someone come here. We hadn't considered that or even knew it might be an option.

I think natural death is not nearly as peaceful as it seems. If we had allowed our dog to pass naturally, he would have struggled to breathe for several hours before his lungs gave out. I am thankful that we were able to help him in that regard even though it was incredibly hard for us. It was definitely the right thing to do for him.

[starburst604]

So sorry about your pup. When my cat declined quickly after a very long chronic illness, I couldn't stand to see him suffer anymore. I called around to have someone come to my house but couldn't get anyone out right away. Fortunately, my vet had a special suite for euthanasia where it was very calm and peaceful. I don't think he was scared, because I was with him. He slipped away so peacefully.

Someone told me it's better to let them go when it might be a moment too soon than a moment too late. Hugs to you.

[Deleted]

Take it from someone who has come home to find not one but 2 pets having passed away while they were gone. You do not want this and you do not want to have to carry a large, limp pup to the car to take to a vet for proper disposal. It's awful and I will never forget it.

(One was a 75lb Shepard mix that was perfectly healthy and died suddenly while I was out shopping with my mom. It was her dog. The other was my very old sad declining health cat. We also wanted him to pass peacefully at home but I regret this in retrospect).

[jeaniebueller]

I am so sorry. We had a lab that we put down at 14 too. She had really bad arthritis and the tipping point was not eating and losing control of her bowels. We could tell her quality of life was very low and she may have been suffering. It was really hard for her to get around or even go outside to relieve herself. I would definitely talk to your vet about your options and hope he or she can point you in the right direction. Hugs.

[slcjess]

I'm so sorry. :(I agree that a natural death seems, to me, to be worse. I've known people that did both ways.
Best of luck to you guys. Sending so many hugs to you and Drake.

[Deleted]

Ask your vet if they'll come to you or can recommend someone. Everyone I know who let their pet pass naturally regretted it later. It can be very messy and unpleasant.

It is hard to do but really the best way we can thank our pets for all the love and joy they brought us is to put them first and give them their dignity at the end.

[dexteroni]

I'm so sorry. This is such a terrible thing to go through for pet owners. It's so hard to know if you're doing the right thing.

When we got to this stage with Dexter, our vet was instrumental in helping us determine when the time was right. Here are the things he asked us to think about:

- How many days are good vs. bad? When the bad days handily outnumber the good, it may be time to think about the next step.

- What are his three favorite things to do - can he do them anymore? Can he enjoy them?

- Out of a typical 24-hour period, how many hours does he spend enjoying life? Not sleeping, not just lying there zoning out, but enjoying life?

As far as whether to bring in the vet, I agree that letting a dog pass naturally often isn't the most peaceful way. I know your DH's heart is in the right place, but watching a pet suffer and get worse when you know there's no chance of recovery is, IMO, is an awful thing to do to them. And an awful set of last memories for you and your DH.

Once we made the decision with Dexter, we scheduled a few days out, then spent his last few days spoiling him and just piling him with love. I took him into the "no dogs allowed" park we walked past every day and he always wanted to go into, I drove him to his favorite sniffing and peeing spots that we used to pass on the longer walks that he hadn't been able to take in a long time, etc. I fed him all delicious foods that would never normally be ok for a dog to eat all day every day. Spending those last days pampering him before things got really bad was one of the few silver linings in the terribleness of losing him. I would always recommend this path over making him wait it out. (((((hugs)))))

[liverandonions]

I just put my dog down this week. It's so peaceful. They just treat him with kindness while giving him a sedative. He was just sleeping with his head on my leg-snoring which made me giggle in an otherwise sad situation. They meds are so quick and there is just calmness. It's so hard to make the decision but you have to consider his quality of life. If he can't get himself up and has no way of going potty etc. it's more humane. Many hugs as you face this difficult decision.

[sonrisa]

I've had a pet die naturally in my arms peacefully so that might happen. But I've also seen my father ask my husband (a physician) if there was anything he could give him to end things humanely rather than go through the awful last days of cancer. He couldn't - not only for legal reasons but because he knew my mother would never forgive him. But I did my best to administer the strongest, most frequent dose of morphine allowed and hoped I could help.

Unless you have moral qualms, I'd err on the side of a painless assisted death rather than risk suffering through a natural death. I wish we could have done that for my father.

[jenna]

My older dog had heart issues, and her health was declining in other ways. I feared she would "die alone" in the house while we were at work/kids were at school. Or die alone overnight while we were sleeping.

Around 10-11 pm, I actually took her to the emergency vet (after her 3rd time going into heart failure.) The vet was very kind, and my pup passed peacefully at my side once they gave her an injection.

I am glad she didn't pass away, alone, and struggling to breathe or otherwise in discomfort.

Good luck with your decision. I hope you can find peace.

[mom2twoboys]

I am so sorry. It is such a difficult decision. I fear we are heading that way with our Yorkie. He is doing ok right now, but we say he is in long term hospice care. We are just making his last couple (hopefully) years comfortable. He is 12.

[zarapipe]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. We put our dog down after his kidneys began to shut down and he couldn't get up stairs. You could tell he wasn't happy anymore and was in pain. He loved going for rides in the car and our vet was willing to come out to the parking lot and do it from the vehicle. He was calm, not scared and with dh. Going into the office would have been very scary to him so I'm glad we were able to do it this way. It was still difficult but it was the right thing to do.

[cabbagecabbage]

I am sorry you're in this spot. It's the worst part of loving pets.

We put down our old dog last summer. We took him to the vet for a consult before with the idea that we might or might not euthanize because we were torn. She was wonderful and non judgemental about our options. She assured us we weren't wrong in our assessment of things. We got lots of private time and then even more time alone with him before and after the shots. He went back to get a sedative but the real shot was given while he was with us. It was hard but I don't regret it at all. He was suffering and getting angry at the world because he hurt.

[jennistarr1]

You can buy a harness, or use a towel, to support back legs on steps.

but in general, it does seem like your Drakey has lived a long life and is struggling..you can help that. Your vet will absolutely guide you. They may be able to do some steroids or something to give him some more time.

So much love...share a picture of Drakey when you can

[kris356]

I was in your exact situation a few years ago with my lab although my husband was not against helping him cross. But he still thinks that we waited to long with our first dog and he is haunted by it.

We took him in because the vet wouldn't refill his prescription without seeing him but I knew in my heart he wasn't coming home with me. He loved the vet, so going there wasn't a huge issue and our vet did offer to come to the house.

I am not going to lie, it was seriously one of the worst days of my life but I knew in my heart that it was unfair to him to make him suffer any longer. Every just became too hard for him even though he really wanted to. And in my eyes, it was my last act of love. He was my heart dog and I still miss him every single day but it was the best decision for him. And then when we lost our American Bulldog in August suddenly, it was the same thing. He got sick suddenly and although there was possible treatment, there was a less than 5% chance of it working and we would literally have to take him to the vet everyday for fluids. I couldn't do that to him, it wasn't fair when the chances he would have any quality of life were so low.

So many internet hugs to you. In five years, we have been through this three times and it doesn't get any easier. Sudden or prepared, it is hard and it hurts your heart a lot even though your head knows it is the right decision. I am so sorry.

[megstoo]

I just went through this exact same thing this week. In fact we ended up putting our 12 year old cocker spaniel to sleep on Tuesday.

It's hard to watch them suffer but we knew our dog wouldn't pass on her own. It was one of top 3 worst days of my life (behind my mom and MIL passing). My dog got to the point of not eating anything including turning down people food. Her back legs started to give out and hard a hard time standing. Everytime we'd go to pet her she'd moan from being in pain. We could also see it in her eyes that she just wasn't there anymore. Her quality of life was pretty much gone and that's when we knew the decision had to be made.

The hardest thing as a pet parent is putting them to sleep but they know it's out of love for them. It's never an easy decision.

[miniroller]

Just wanted to add my sympathies, OP. I was also unaware of the ability to do an in-home passing until reading of someone's experience on here several months ago.
About six weeks ago, a friend confessed she knew the time was quickly approaching for her Tess. I researched her city, & approached her with the idea. She was SO appreciative, & even though it was still so tough, she said that having Tess in her own environment (& so happy she got a steak first!) made friend & her sons feel so much better about it.
GL to you through this super difficult time. I'm very sorry.

[jlt19]

I had a very similar thing happen to my great dane a few months ago. The lack of eating and lethargy were after a very invasive biopsy however. We gave him a lot of pain medication over that weekend, but it didn't help. It was no life for him. We called the at home vet in that Monday.

I'm very sorry you're going through this, but I 100% believe it's not fair to "let him pass naturally". I don't begrudge you taking him to the vet to see if something else is going on, but please, if it's just his time, make that decision for him.

ETA: The place we went through is national, it's called lap of love. it was the best decision we've made for both of our dogs (one passed this way 1.5 years ago).

[Deleted]

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I'll just add, it's a very peaceful and quick process, holding your dog after the vet administers a shot. You also see all the discomfort they have been living with disappear as well. It's never going to be an easy process, but it's a loving one.

[berbles]

I'm so sorry. This is the worst part of being a pet parent.

The old saying is, "Better a day early than a day too late."

I had to make this decision on Halloween last year. Tweeter lived with XH after the divorce, though we shared custody. XH called me Halloween morning and said Tweeter hadn't eaten anything in 3 or 4 days, and before that, he would only eat when XMIL hand fed him. His back legs had been getting progressively worse over the course of a year or so. I asked XH to bring him over to my house so we could figure out what to do.

There was no question once I saw him. He couldn't walk, he'd been having bloody diarrhea, and his belly was very distended. XH was still half in denial. I knew it had to be done that day. I was NOT going to make Tweeter wait/suffer until Monday.

The vet was very sweet and gave us as much time with him as we needed. XH tried to say something to the vet about being glad that Tweeter didn't appear to be in pain. She looked at him like WHUT, and said, "This distended belly is definitely not comfortable. Dogs are pretty good at hiding their pain." Fucking dumbass. Yes, he was in pain. And I wish XH had called me earlier in the week because I feel like we (HE) shouldn't have let him suffer as long as he did.

I tried really hard to get through typing all that without crying. I failed.

All the hugs to everyone.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry.

When my childhood dog got spleen cancer at age 12, my parents decided to let her pass naturally. Her quality of life in the last weeks was very low, and she was clearly suffering in many ways - couldn't get up and was refusing to eat even liver, which she loved. If it was up to me I would not have let it go on for so long.

[livinitup]

I had the assistance of a vet for end of life of a loved pet. I was so upset going into the office. But when she passed and I held her and looked at her, I had such a feeling of a life well lived, filled with love. The end really crystallized what a wonderful life she had. I didn't expect that. I guess I was so caught-up with "the decision" that I didn't also expect that the end would bring ... well, an end. And a reflection that my pet was truly blessed. Truly lucky. And happy.

[Deleted]

You've gotten great advice so just sending hugs. I dread the day we have to make these sort of decisions for our lab.