Drama?

[naeljun]

Some of you are all full of it - drama that is. Is you life really this dramatic or do you make a mountain out of mole hill? I guess I just can't wrap my head around why there is so much drama surrounding your divorces. Is it an age thing? What is it?

I am not asking to be snarky or anything. I really want to know. Why is there so much fucking drama? You separate, file, and divorce. Yes there may be issues that arise with who gets the dog, the house, the debt, etc but why all the drama?

[blackkitty]

Sept 5, 2012 14:54:13 GMT -5 naeljun said:

Some of you are all full of it - drama that is. Is you life really this dramatic or do you make a mountain out of mole hill?

I think you need to be more specific about who you are directing this to.

Be right back, going to get some popcorn. This could be fun.

[Deleted]

Well I personally was drama free with my divorce. The day I left I never returned a single call, email or text from exh unless it was regarding the house. I did not block him because we still needed a way to communicate and he would escalate if I completely blocked him. He did the following:
-Repeated harassing phone calls and emails, when that didn't work
-Created a public youtube "hate" video he emailed to me and I'm assuming several other people as it had multiple views
-Purchased my domain name and threatened to start a website posting images from a small boudior shoot I did on my wedding day, when I still didn't respond he...
-Blackmailed me regarding said website asking for money
-He also created a fake email posing as my dad and threatened to send out the photos to people as MY DAD

In all of this I never ONCE responded, like I say unless it was about business issues. So yea it was uber dramatic but I'm not sure what I could have done to prevent it.

[StormyDixon]

in my husbands case, they were fighting over custody of the children, something about GALs and psych evals bring out a lot of drama

[bullygirl979]

Sept 5, 2012 15:02:21 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Sept 5, 2012 14:54:13 GMT -5 naeljun said:

Some of you are all full of it - drama that is. Is you life really this dramatic or do you make a mountain out of mole hill?

I think you need to be more specific about who you are directing this to.

Be right back, going to get some popcorn. This could be fun.

Agreed. BK, I got some twizzlers if you want some.

[dakotadangerdog]

I think some people just don't know how to ignore their ex's when they do crazy shit. My xh did some really weird shit during the divorce, but once I realized he was just trying to get me attention I ignored him and he stopped. I haven't heard from him in probably a year now. HOLLER!

[blackkitty]

Sept 5, 2012 15:04:27 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Sept 5, 2012 15:02:21 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

I think you need to be more specific about who you are directing this to.

Be right back, going to get some popcorn. This could be fun.

Agreed. BK, I got some twizzlers if you want some.

Starbursts anyone??

[redredwine]

Sept 5, 2012 15:02:21 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Sept 5, 2012 14:54:13 GMT -5 naeljun said:

Some of you are all full of it - drama that is. Is you life really this dramatic or do you make a mountain out of mole hill?

I think you need to be more specific about who you are directing this to.

Be right back, going to get some popcorn. This could be fun.

I agree.

[Deleted]

I will also say though I find it uber annoying that people continue to play into their ex or stbxh's drama. Stop answering the DAMN phone.

[prettyinpearls]

Sadly, some people thrive on drama and don’t see it as an issue. I have an IRL “friend” who is like this. Crazy-cakes brings it all on herself though.

We can’t control how other people act (crazy XH’s , for example) but it’s all in how you choose to respond to those situations.

[prettyinpearls]

This post makes me miss Dmnds and all her crazy.

[naeljun]

Sept 5, 2012 15:08:59 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

I will also say though I find it uber annoying that people continue to play into their ex or stbxh's drama. Stop answering the DAMN phone.

Seriously. Just ignore him. Be the mature person. But then again they probably like the attention and drama in their lives.

[naeljun]

Sept 5, 2012 15:02:21 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Sept 5, 2012 14:54:13 GMT -5 naeljun said:

Some of you are all full of it - drama that is. Is you life really this dramatic or do you make a mountain out of mole hill?

I think you need to be more specific about who you are directing this to.

Be right back, going to get some popcorn. This could be fun.

Oh they know. I'm not full of drama so I'm not saying. I am just hoping they come out and to defend themselves before I leave work.

[formerlyak]

Sept 5, 2012 15:12:38 GMT -5 naeljun said:

Sept 5, 2012 15:08:59 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

I will also say though I find it uber annoying that people continue to play into their ex or stbxh's drama. Stop answering the DAMN phone.

Seriously. Just ignore him. Be the mature person. But then again they probably like the attention and drama in their lives.

But there are times that you can't just not answer the phone, because it involves the kid you share with you ex.

Oh, and to find dmnds, go lurk on the destination weddings board or blended families. She makes cameo appearances on both of those.

[sparkles17]

My divorce was drama free. The BF? Is a completely different story. His STBXW filed and has made his life a living hell ever since that day. I will never understand, why can't people just move on? What is the point of all the freaking drama.

[naeljun]

Sept 5, 2012 15:14:55 GMT -5 formerlyak said:

Sept 5, 2012 15:12:38 GMT -5 naeljun said:

Seriously. Just ignore him. Be the mature person. But then again they probably like the attention and drama in their lives.

But there are times that you can't just not answer the phone, because it involves the kid you share with you ex.

Oh, and to find dmnds, go lurk on the destination weddings board or blended families. She makes cameo appearances on both of those.

True but then I just hang up and text what I need him to know.

[gozf]

I don't get it, either. Life's complicated enough without making it worse. Things are fucked enough without self-sabotage.

[usedtobebear]

I would say my divorce is pretty dramatic. I attribute most of it to having a stbx that is mentally unstable and completely irrational and paranoid. My 10 year marriage unraveled very quickly, we had police detectives, private investigators, neighbor drama, all due to my DH thinking we were being spied on and or stolen from. He disabled every light fixutre among many other things in our house.

My counselor always reminds me that I am dealing with a very intense divorce and not the norm by any means.

Plus, all of this has obvious effects on me emotionally/mentally so I'm full of angst and always on edge waiting for something bad to happen. So, I definitely can be overly dramatic.

I'm getting better at not engaging and responding to his texts, I'm not ready to block him due to our dogs but eventually that will happen. It's hard being with someone for so long and stopping the cycle of me thinking I can fix him. I care about him and his well being and it's pretty heart breaking for me to watch him suffer so much.

[lovelybb]

D's ex is all about the drama... He told me once that her way of thinking is, "If nothing's wrong, then something's wrong." And after watching her in action, he nailed it. For the most part, he doesn't engage and ignores her unless he's upset about the kid's well-being. I wish he could block her, but the kids are still in school and since his son's accident it's necessary. We both can't wait till the youngest is 18 and he's not longer legally obligated to her.... she is a royal PITA.

[blackkitty]

Sept 5, 2012 15:24:25 GMT -5 usedtobebear said:

I would say my divorce is pretty dramatic. I attribute most of it to having a stbx that is mentally unstable and completely irrational and paranoid. My 10 year marriage unraveled very quickly, we had police detectives, private investigators, neighbor drama, all due to my DH thinking we were being spied on and or stolen from. He disabled every light fixutre among many other things in our house.

My counselor always reminds me that I am dealing with a very intense divorce and not the norm by any means.

Plus, all of this has obvious effects on me emotionally/mentally so I'm full of angst and always on edge waiting for something bad to happen. So, I definitely can be overly dramatic.

I'm getting better at not engaging and responding to his texts, I'm not ready to block him due to our dogs but eventually that will happen. It's hard being with someone for so long and stopping the cycle of me thinking I can fix him. I care about him and his well being and it's pretty heart breaking for me to watch him suffer so much.

Wow, that's nuts.
Curious and you don't have to answer this but does you STBX have a "diagnosis"?

[blondnearby]

My divorce wasn't completely filled with drama but my ex did do things that created extra tension and issues through out the process. I am pretty good about disengaging from my ex especially when it comes to our DDs. However, XH took full advantage of this and my divorce took four years. If he had his way, we would still be married, just living completely separate lives.

[achase123]

My drama with XH ebbs and flows. Right now it's a drama free period (knock on wood) until he has another run in with the law I suppose.

[Deleted]

My marriage was filled with drama, not my divorce. We only deal with financial/divorce related stuff now.

[Bernadine]

I'm getting all paranoid that this is about my fb post.

[usedtobebear]

Sept 5, 2012 15:56:09 GMT -5 @blackkitty said:

Sept 5, 2012 15:24:25 GMT -5 usedtobebear said:

I would say my divorce is pretty dramatic. I attribute most of it to having a stbx that is mentally unstable and completely irrational and paranoid. My 10 year marriage unraveled very quickly, we had police detectives, private investigators, neighbor drama, all due to my DH thinking we were being spied on and or stolen from. He disabled every light fixutre among many other things in our house.

My counselor always reminds me that I am dealing with a very intense divorce and not the norm by any means.

Plus, all of this has obvious effects on me emotionally/mentally so I'm full of angst and always on edge waiting for something bad to happen. So, I definitely can be overly dramatic.

I'm getting better at not engaging and responding to his texts, I'm not ready to block him due to our dogs but eventually that will happen. It's hard being with someone for so long and stopping the cycle of me thinking I can fix him. I care about him and his well being and it's pretty heart breaking for me to watch him suffer so much.

Wow, that's nuts.
Curious and you don't have to answer this but does you STBX have a "diagnosis"?

No, he doesn't. In hindsight he's always been a little paranoid and untrusting of others but nothing like this. He started just completely losing it in March/April. At first I even believed him along with his friends and family.. But, then he started accusing me and my family of crazy stuff so I questioned everything from then on. It was and still is a lot to handle, and hard for me to wrap my head around that it even happened. My counselor (who was our marriage counselor 5 years ago, so she knows him well and is very experienced in mental illness) thinks he definitely has a parnoid delusional disorder, but his family just think he's depressed and maybe OCD/ADHD. So, Yes... its 'Drama' but I feel like I'm doing the best I can to deal with things and try and move on with my life.

[heavenly]

I don't have drama with my ex h (2nd) But then again, he has no empathy and shows no emotions (Aspergers). It is kind of hard to argue with someone like this. He also did everything he can to avoid confrontation so the divorce process was a smooth one.

As for my 1st ex... we don't have drama because I literally ran as far and as fast away from him as possible and changed all my contact information. However, if we were to meet again, I am not sure what would happen. All I know is that I don't want him touching my life in any ways.

[jojoandleo]

Eh, emotions run high, people make bad decisions, throw in some alcohol and BAM! Drama central.

With my sister's divorce, he is being a total tool-lying to his attorney, lying to everyone, trying to manipulate my sister (which he was very emotionally abusive, so it is an easy pattern for her to fall in and just give in). Whenever she face times with her daughter, he turns the phone on himself or throws side comments in. Her daughter is only 2, so she can't really make him stop and doesn't want to hang up on her daughter. He corners her after music class/at their care providers/anywhere. There is not much she can do about him. She ignores his lies, walks away from him, but their divorce is going to be sticky because he refuses to compromise, refuses to accept it is over, and refuses to be a damned adult.

A lot of women here can't control the drama. Achase can't stop her ex from drinking and driving, AK can't stop her ex from being an idiot douche canoe, PDX can't get her ex to not be insane. They don't feed into the drama, but there is still going to be drama.

The other women, well, we have said "hang up" "Don't answer his calls" "Don't feed into it", but it's hard to see straight when you are so angry and hurt. I don't begrudge people their mistakes during the high anxiety period, but if it continues for years *cough*Dmnds*cough* yeah, it's on you.

[howardandbear]

Lets see. first there is the manipulation. I know this is the key to all the drama in my divorce. I am learning to spot it and have gotten very good at it but sometimes I miss it and it throws me right back into the drama boat.
Second there is the paper dodging and refusing everything. I have agreed to take over all debt. Pay for the divorce. And let him keep everything (however that is not much since he sold it all for drugs for $300) He still will not sign the damn papers.
Third. His mental stability is still in question. He has been hospitalized a couple times now and continues to miss psych appts mandated by the courts. However finding him isn't at the top of the courts to do list.

Some months are more dramatic than others.

[jade28]

Honestly, divorce is a traumatic and dramatic experience even when there is no "drama." Life as you know it is falling apart and you suddenly are left with a whole bunch of unknowables and uncertainties that didn't exist quite so obviously before. Also, a relationship you have come to rely on (however dysfunctional) is suddenly changing drastically and you can no longer communicate with the person the way you used to and they are more or less this familiar stranger. There are all these mixed emotions but you can really only feel one emotion at a time so you are often going from sadness to anger to hopelessness.

My divorce didn't have "drama" except for a few unexpected surprises or comments but there were definitely times I was dramatic b/c I was just so damn scared, lost and sad. I was all over the place as I learned to cope with a new life and without my best friend who I loved. We divorced on good terms but there were still highly emotionally charged moments that left us looking pretty crazy.