4 year old behavioral problem

[cst2cst]

I need advice on a new behavioral issue in my 4 year old. Within the past few weeks she has started having "accidents" intentionally in the hallway. She's been potty trained since 2.5 and has never had accidents previously. It only happens after she has been put to bed. She comes out of her room and then pees on the carpet.

How do I prevent this? What is an appropriate consequence? She admits that she does it for attention. Sometimes she'll ask if both of us need to help her change. I try to limit the attention she gets after, but she has a huge grin.

She has also been really mean to me for the past few weeks. She'll yell at me when I Talk to her and scratch me when she is mad at me. We have a 6 month old who we adopted at birth. She had an initial adjustment when we came home, but that seemed related to us being away for 10 days to bring dd2 home. Is this related to new baby, 4 year old assholeness? I have no idea how to stop the peeing. Thanks.

[pugz]

when my niece was doing this they made her clean herself up and change clothes. It worked to stop the accidents pretty quickly.

[pugz]

and I'd try to give her extra one on one attention at bedtime, hopefully she'll feel she got the attention she needed at that point instead of coming out for it after

[lilac05]

Kids can be so frustrating!

I would try to make it a point to give her more positive attention. Make a big deal of good things she does. Spend a little extra time together with her in the evening. Tell her that you recognize that this peeing "accident" is just attention-seeking, and if she'd like more attention, just ask for it. (We did that with my not quite 3 year old after DS2 was born & I was surprised at how well he understood it!)

Then when (not if, unfortunately) she does it again, hand her the cleaning supplies, tell her goodnight & that you love her, but won't be cleaning up her messes any longer, and then take a step back. It's up to you if you completely walk away or if you stand nearby to walk her through each step. Save any discussions about it until the next day. And on days where there hasn't been an issue overnight, praise her for "a great night's sleep" and talk about how that is so good for her.

DS had been potty trained with no accidents for almost 6 months when DS2 was born. He had "an accident" when we were at the park once. First, I told him I was going to throw his underwear away. Then I changed my mind and had him clean them with me. It never happened again.

[Deleted]

Have her clean it up- including starting the laundry (with your guidance of course)

Take toys/privileges away

Have special time once a week or so (5-10 minutes where SHE is completely in charge of the activity as long as it can be cleaned up (and she helps), no one gets hurt, nothing gets broken) my friend (who is a pedi) does it with her kids and my favorite story is that they put soap and water on the kitchen floor and made it like a slip and slide (her son was a bit older) and you don't have any other distractions at all during that time. Set a timer and when it goes off stop and clean up and look forward to the next one!


Recognize and give praise for every day (or even multiple times a day) that she doesn't "have an accident" or when uses the toilet

[asoctoberfalls]

My son went through this phase. We ended up buying pajamas for him that zippered in the back. (He was still in diapers at night during this phase). That nipped it in the bud immediately.

Good luck. It's frustrating. I feel like I ask these types of questions all the time with my kid!
Haha.

[Gato]

DD1 had accidents for a while after DD2 was born. DD1 was also four, and she seemed okay with the new baby at first. I think once the newness wore off, and she realized it's a new reality and not just some fun interval with a baby, things got messy for a while.

What you're doing is right. Minimize the attention to the accidents, although I know it must be so frustrating having them happen on the carpet! I bet she understands this is the best way to push your buttons, though. Maybe have each parent take turns putting your four year old to bed, making sure to give her extra time doing all the bedtime routines she likes. It can be the time of day when she gets to feel extra special and loved. I found that worked best with DD1.

[cst2cst]

Thanks for the advice. Her bedtime routine is pretty elaborate and I think she gets good attention, but I'll make a more concerted effort.

She had a tough time at preschool drop off and we made plans for one on one time tonight.

The baby is sooo easy and DD1 has always been spirited, so I wonder if she is noticing the differences in attention. I'll try to be more mindful of that.