Telling the kids - tips?

[momof2ms]

So, we are telling our 6 year old daughter tomorrow that we are divorcing. We both have been reading up on how to say things, but we both are super concerned she's gonna flip out and be a mess for a while. 

Any words of wisdom for how to handle the immediate backlash, or other things that may come up? We do plan on telling her that its our decision, not her fault, we'll be happier this way, and that we are still a family. We have a good hold on what it means for her and how her life will be going forward. 

Also, I'm the one who is moving out, but we'll have 50/50 physical custody. I'd like to soften the blow of "Mom's moving out" because she has friends whose parents are divorced and when she thinking of being away from me it freaks her out.




 

[1confused1]

First of all, hugs.

Second, I think the way you are going about it is good. Let her know you both love her and that will never change.

I got these two books for my kids and they seemed to help:

www.amazon.com/Standing-Own-Two-Feet-Affirmation/dp/0843132213/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1468606896&sr=8-1&keywords=standing+on+my+own+two+feet

www.amazon.com/Invisible-String-Patrice-Karst/dp/0875167349/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1468606955&sr=8-1&keywords=invisible+string

[redshoejune]

The one thing I made sure of was to tell the kids they would still see both of us and when daddy was moving out and when the next time they would see him was. I also let DD1 spend the night with him the day he moved out so she could see the new place right away instead of on the first scheduled day. Dd2 was too little.
My kids we 4 and almost 2 at the time and didn't really have anything to say when we told them.

[glynn]

Letting her see the new place and knowing when she can go back and forth helps. I have a calender makedup for when DD2 is home or with her Dad. She marks the days off and knows where she is going.

[dancelnow]

DS was just turning 5. He broke my heart crying when we said mommy and daddy weren't going to live together anymore. He was just learning what married meant so that was really tough to explain. We tried to just keep things simple. No detailed explanation of why we can't live together anymore. His biggest concern was to still see both of us. And I just sat there and hugged him for awhile.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Just reassure her that you love her very much and that you'll have special stuff planned (have her help decorate her new room).

I had been separated from xh for a year while I filed for divorce. There were restraining orders that kept us from xh and she knew her dad was really sick. I tell her that we love her very much but we just CANNOT live together anymore. When we initatially split she was oddly calm about it only becoming hysterical when the dogs got loose at the new place.

[statlerwaldorf]

I put dd1 in counseling and it really helped. The main thing was finding words to express her emotions. Her school counselor had some really good books that helped us discuss the divorce.

She needed to know that it wasn't her fault. A lot of kids feel like they have to choose sides and it's important for them to know that they don't. She already had friends with divorced parents and different kinds of families and I think talking about that helped her.

You might want to rethink telling her you'll be happier this way. My exh told her something along the lines of that and she was very upset that he didn't think of her happiness and how she'd be happier with us together. But she also had a really rough lifestyle change. She had to switch schools and go from me SAH to working full-time and going to daycare. She had to quit her extracurriculars.