Friends keep using my maiden name - WWYD?

[trixie459]

I got married 7 months ago and changed my name right after the wedding. I made the switch on Facebook, got a new email address, etc. and even sent out an email letting people know that my name had changed.

However, two of my girlfriends keep sending mail addressed to my maiden name! These are good friends who definitely know that I have changed my name, since we have talked about it both in person and via email. I'm a bit dumbfounded and hurt that they are a) either completely ignoring my wishes or b) haven't bothered to think about it when they are sending me mail (all envelopes were handwritten - no pre-printed labels).

If you were in my situation, would you say something? I'm thinking about writing a casual email to just say, "Hey, you might want to update your address book" or something like that. Or, do you think I'm being overly sensitive?

[ECB]

I find that odd, to be honest. Possibly passive aggressive. Do they like your DH? Are they married? In a relationship?

Yes- I'd say something. just ask them about it. "WHy do you keep using my maiden name?"

[315bride]

Get over it. My GF's and I often still use each other's maiden names. It's been years.

[hamster]

If they are good friends I'd just say "haha, you dork, you keep sending stuff addressed to my maiden name" next time it happens.

There's really no reason to be hurt by this.

[cricketwife]

You're being overly sensitve but I do get it. You're newly married, excited about your new name, etc. They've just known you so long that they aren't always thinking of it. Eventually people who associate your new name with you. Just let time run its course.

[Deleted]

I think you are being overly sensative. I have friends who use my maiden name (some that didn't know me before marriage). It doesn't bother me. I was 'Katie Maidenname' for most of my life and no matter how long I am married it will be part of who I am.

If it bothers you that much, write 'Return to sender, addressee unknown' on the envelops and send them back to them. They will get the hint.

[froggy76]

I would be happy to see my maiden name once in awhile. I don't see the big deal. My dad still forgets I changed my name and I've been married 5 years.

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2012 18:39:41 GMT -5 hamster said:

If they are good friends I'd just say "haha, you dork, you keep sending stuff addressed to my maiden name" next time it happens.

There's really no reason to be hurt by this.

This. Are they married? Perhaps they're married but still use maiden name or they are not married and do not see that this a perceived slight by you.

[thegooser]

Since it bothers you I'd speak up and say something lighthearted about it. I wouldn't take it personally, though.

[AAM2012]

Maybe they haven't updated their phone or gmail? I have done this a lot of times. Just stop replying when they send it to your old account and if they ask say you don't check that one anymore.

Edit: oops thought this was about email. I wouldn't be bothered by it..but if you are then talk to them. They are your BFF's right? Why haven't you spoken up?

[EmilieMadison]

How often in the last 7 months have they actually sent you things via post? Is it really THAT often? Regardless, I think you're being a bit sensitive about it, but if it REALLY bothers you, then say something. If they're good enough friends to send you mail frequently, then you should be able to tell them how you feel.

FWIW, one of my very good friends from HS (whom I still talk to and see regularly) still has me listed as "Emilie MaidenName" in his phone and still calls me by my maiden name. I've been married for 9 years LOL! I dont care.

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2012 18:39:41 GMT -5 hamster said:

If they are good friends I'd just say "haha, you dork, you keep sending stuff addressed to my maiden name" next time it happens.

There's really no reason to be hurt by this.

Yeah, this.

I've received a handful of stuff from family with my maiden name on it since being married. When you've known someone forever under one name, it is an automatic thing and I doubt they even realize they wrote the wrong one. Unless this has happened MANY times I wouldn't take it personally.

Honestly I have to remind myself in my head to call my married friends by their married names pretty often.

[hannamaren]

In general, I agree that it isnt a big deal.
I do have a friend that disagrees with my choice to take my H name and she still calls me hanna maiden to prove a point, I think. I dont care. I still go by my maiden name at work.

[Deleted]

You don't have that much going on in your life, do you?

[FrozenSunshine]

Old habits die hard.

[Roc A Bee]

I have several friends who I've always referee to as their maiden name who are now married. I can't break the habit.

My aunt once sent my DH and I a Christmas card addressed to Mr. And Mrs. mymaiden name. We laughed about it!

[KaraOrNot]

I don't see the big deal about this. I have been married 6 years and accidently typed my maiden name a few weeks ago. I also refer to friends by their maiden names.

[Deleted]

LOL. I would either do nothing, or joke with them about it. It took my sister a really long time to get used to my married name.

Just last week i used my friend's maiden name when making introductions. She's been married 11 years!

[oukapu]

I do it to my friend. I must suck.

[trixie459]

I have received 5 pieces of mail addressed to the wrong name since I got married.

The funny thing is that both of these friends are engaged, and will also be changing their names once they are married. We've talked about the name change process, so I assumed that it was understood by all of us.

Thanks for all your perspectives. I'm just happy and proud to have a new name and had hoped that everyone would respect that. I'll drop the issue and find myself a hobby, LOL (thanks miso).

[liveintheville]

I have honestly never given this a thought and am sure I've done this to several friends who have been married 8+ years. And I'm sure they think nothing of it.

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2012 19:19:15 GMT -5 trixie459 said:

I have received 5 pieces of mail addressed to the wrong name since I got married.

The funny thing is that both of these friends are engaged, and will also be changing their names once they are married. We've talked about the name change process, so I assumed that it was understood by all of us.

Thanks for all your perspectives. I'm just happy and proud to have a new name and had hoped that everyone would respect that. I'll drop the issue and find myself a hobby, LOL (thanks miso).

I think proud is a strange word to use here anyway. What is there to be proud of? That you managed to snag a man? I've never thought of being married as an "accomplishment".

[trixie459]

Sept 6, 2012 19:33:05 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

Sept 6, 2012 19:19:15 GMT -5 trixie459 said:

I have received 5 pieces of mail addressed to the wrong name since I got married.

The funny thing is that both of these friends are engaged, and will also be changing their names once they are married. We've talked about the name change process, so I assumed that it was understood by all of us.

Thanks for all your perspectives. I'm just happy and proud to have a new name and had hoped that everyone would respect that. I'll drop the issue and find myself a hobby, LOL (thanks miso).

I think proud is a strange word to use here anyway. What is there to be proud of? That you managed to snag a man? I've never thought of being married as an "accomplishment".

Ouch. That's kind of a harsh accusation, don't you think? I am happy to share a last name with my husband, and to have that name for our future children and family heritage. I know there are a lot of women who don't believe in name changes after marriage and I totally respect that. However, it is something that I am feeling positive about and shouldn't have to defend that. Perhaps proud wasn't totally the right word, but it is what it is.

[dr.girlfriend]

I did this all the time to my cousin. I didn't realize it would be irksome until I got married myself. When you know someone by one name for a jillion years, it's hard to make the switch right away. Chillax.

[6fsn]

My brother and SIL have been married 20 years. She has friends that still use her maiden name. Move on.

[livinitup]

I call my DH's cell phone every day, sometimes several times. I recently butt-called my DH's cell phone while we were in the car together. On his cell phone display, my name came-up as Firstname Maidenname.

We've been married for 9 years. I've changed my name. This is my husband.

We laughed.

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2012 19:45:09 GMT -5 trixie459 said:

Sept 6, 2012 19:33:05 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

I think proud is a strange word to use here anyway. What is there to be proud of? That you managed to snag a man? I've never thought of being married as an "accomplishment".

Ouch. That's kind of a harsh accusation, don't you think? I am happy to share a last name with my husband, and to have that name for our future children and family heritage. I know there are a lot of women who don't believe in name changes after marriage and I totally respect that. However, it is something that I am feeling positive about and shouldn't have to defend that. Perhaps proud wasn't totally the right word, but it is what it is.

Um.

Ok.

[Deleted]

Sorry if my comment was harsh. I changed my name too so no judgement on that, I just think being offended that a couple of friends aren't used to remembering your new name because you are proud of it sounds silly and kind of immature. But I don't know you so maybe I'm off base and you can ignore me.

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2012 19:53:54 GMT -5 @buckybells said:

Sorry if my comment was harsh. I changed my name too so no judgement on that, I just think being offended that a couple of friends aren't used to remembering your new name because you are proud of it sounds silly and kind of immature. But I don't know you so maybe I'm off base and you can ignore me.

Whatever, buckybells. You are never harsh.

[Deleted]

Team bucky.

Sorry, whoever you are.